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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Oýóÿòké§ (1047 Views)
Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 8:23am On Aug 03, 2012 |
ARMY GENERAL : "Private Carson I don't remember seeing you in camouflage class today!" SOLDIER : "oh, Thank you very much sir." _ _ _ How to Cook a Turkey Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turk the burkey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick Step 17: Turk the carvey Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out _ _ _ |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 8:32am On Aug 03, 2012 |
A young boy was teaching mathematics to a young girl, saying that this was his practical. He kissed her once; he then kissed her again; he kissed her a third time adding "There, thats addition". She silently gave him the kisses back sweetly saying " So that will be subtraction?". They then kissed each other at the same time. Both smiled and said together "That's multiplication.” Just at that moment, the young girls father opened the door and caught them. He then kicked the boy out of the window of the room shouting "That's LONG DIVISION you ediot". 1 Like |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 8:38am On Aug 03, 2012 |
Two men were walking outside a graveyard in Germany when they heard strange musical notes coming from one of the graves. Teeth chattering, one of the men asked the other, "What the heck is that sound?" The other man said: "Oh, that must be Beethoven's grave. He is decomposing" _ _ _ Son: Mom, everyone in school is teasing me calling me a werewolf. Mom: Don't bother about them son. Now sit down still so that I can 'comb your face'. _ _ _ Employee: I got to have salary increment. Three other companies are after me. Boss: Really? Which are the three companies? Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company. |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 9:10am On Aug 03, 2012 |
I applied for a job with a building society the other day. I studiously completed the application form and gave it back to the Manager who read through it and when he had finished said "With your credentials, I have the perfect opening for you" "Great" I replied happily while rubbing my palms together, "and what kind of opening is that sir" "It's called the door" he said pointing, "Now get the hell out of my office", he screamed. 1 Like |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 9:19am On Aug 03, 2012 |
During a trial The court becomes crowded and rowdy. Judge: Order! Order! Culprit: oh yeah, I will have Two hamburgers and a soda please. _ _ _ During a manifesto the Political leader is giving a speech: POLITICIAN: If you vote for me, I will build a bridge for you. MASSES(confused): But we don’t have any river in our town. POLITICIAN: oh that's not an issue, I will 'dig a river' and then 'build the bridge' |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 9:29am On Aug 03, 2012 |
Boyfriend: Can we have a battle of intelligence between us? Girlfriend: No thanks, I can never fight an 'unarmed person' _ _ _ A sign board outside a restaurant said: "Eat as much as you can and let your grandchildren pay the bill" A man entered the restaurant, ate as much as he can and when the waiter gave him the bill he pointed to the sign board, "Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill". The waiter said, "I understand Sir, this is not your bill. It is actually your grandfather's bill". 1 Like |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 9:40am On Aug 03, 2012 |
A king offered half his kingdom or a 1000 kilos of gold or his daughter's hand in marriage if any brave man could cross a river full of poisonous snakes and crocodiles. No one volunteered but one young man jumped in to the river and crossed it without any difficulty. The king asked: "What do you want brave man, half of my kingdom?" The man said: "No your majesty" King: "Then the 1000 kilos of gold?" Man: "No your majesty" King: "Then my daughter's hand in marriage?" Man: "No your majesty" King: "Then what is it that you want?" Man: "The name of the person who pushed me in the darned river". 2 Likes |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 9:49am On Aug 03, 2012 |
During a family quiz the husband was asked: Mod: sir, Do u know the meaning of wife? Husband: 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'. Wife on hearing replies: It also means 'With ediot For Ever'. _ _ _ Judge: The last time I saw you in the court, I told you that I never ever wanted you to come here again. Isn't that true? Accused: Thats what I told the police your honor, but they didnt listen to me. _ _ _ Beggar: Actually I am an author. I wrote '100 ways to become rich' Mr. Roger: Then why are you begging? Beggar: err, This is actually one of the ways to become rich. 1 Like |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by Nobody: 1:12pm On Aug 03, 2012 |
lilkech: I applied for a job with a building society the other day. I studiously completed the application form and gave it back to the Manager who read through it and when he had finished said "With your credentials, I have the perfect opening for you" lilkech: During a trial The court becomes crowded and rowdy. lilkech: I applied for a job with a building society the other day. I studiously completed the application form and gave it back to the Manager who read through it and when he had finished said "With your credentials, I have the perfect opening for you"ah.....my sides hurt! You haff kill me with lafta! Haha! Nice one..... |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 1:36pm On Aug 03, 2012 |
^^^ Thanx |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by rrhostomy(m): 8:46pm On Aug 04, 2012 |
Good collection. Keep em coming |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by bashydemy(m): 11:58pm On Aug 04, 2012 |
Nice one OP you make my evening Gba |
Re: Oýóÿòké§ by lilkech(m): 4:26pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Bump |
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