Hilarious yet insightful. I can not imagine a better title. You are the bomb.

this thing no long na
anyway twas very nice. would there be updates?

Rotflmao! 'na dt ume against jamb question' make me laff pass.
So hilarious. Pls keep 'em coming.

Very funny

Op op op
u dey u dey u dey madt abi...hehehe
God ble$$ thee

@ OP, this is rather short.
Good read though but short. 4 stars.

dude you too much man..write a book and have it up on amazon and other stores in e-format, Nigerians from everywhere will love it..your style of humour is very relate-able yet not exploited enough by Nigerian comics so I know for a fact you can get something good going on here.

Enoquin: I enjoyed it...but I have a few corrections. Sorry, I may not see all the mistakes as I read it with my phone but still, these are the ones I saw. Please, the corrections are to make you better at writing oh, bearing in mind that a writer knows that his work will always be critiqued and as such to bear those criticisms in good faith.

CORRECTIONS
In that particular accent 'we know' (known) as waffi.

The gate 'knackers' (italicized or have inverted commas to let people know it is not English) had made it

T was (It was or T'was) I know it's probably a typo but be careful to cross your T's and dot your I's especially as this was meant for submission.

The person 'should' (would) be... Tenses

I have a little problem with the bracket that has Chairman of JAMB, I think Registrar would be appropriate? And if you insist on using that phrase 'and recognizable by the', why not use 'and even a (special) recognition by the'

We're (were) here for an academic...Tenses

Excuse me';' (,)

were planning (on) how to smuggle

and sometimes, cackling quite loudly (since you call them witches, then let them cackle)

*Now, as you took us into your world, I found it hard to believe that those 'witches' were 'laughing' during a prayer...I am sure they would have been 'giggling' loudly

launch into (a) full time

*Do you 'hear' calculators? (You know why I won't overlook this? It's because most Nigerians are guilty of using these verbs wrongly...let's not continue aiding them)

People began to 'look itchy' (fidget)

'Runz' (the same issue with 'knackers')

Again, I enjoyed the piece...

THANK YOU! I wouldn't have noticed all those errors if you hadn't pointed them out, especially the Chairman/Registrar thing. I knew it wasn't a chairman but I wasn't quite sure what the title was so i decided to use Chairman while writing then find out the actual title later. Guess it slipped me when i posted the story.

As for the laughing witches, I meant that. That part actually happened when i wrote the UME; these girls were laughing out loud like they were at the Nite of a thousand laughs. I was seating adjacent to them and it made me very uncomfortable.

As for the calculators, you can actually "hear" when people punch he keys hard or noisily. That's what i meant by "hearing" calculators..

Again, thanks for pointing out my errors. Would make sure to look out for them when writing other works.

brokoto: this thing no long na
anyway twas very nice. would there be updates?

I dunno if there'll be updates o! If any ideas come into my head, i'll be sure to put them down sha

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

THANK YOU! I wouldn't have noticed all those errors if you hadn't pointed them out, especially the Chairman/Registrar thing. I knew it wasn't a chairman but I wasn't quite sure what the title was so i decided to use Chairman while writing then find out the actual title later. Guess it slipped me when i posted the story.

As for the laughing witches, I meant that. That part actually happened when i wrote the UME; these girls were laughing out loud like they were at the Nite of a thousand laughs. I was seating adjacent to them and it made me very uncomfortable.

As for the calculators, you can actually "hear" when people punch he keys hard or noisily. That's what i meant by "hearing" calculators..

Again, thanks for pointing out my errors. Would make sure to look out for them when writing other works.

It's okay dear...

I suggested 'cackle' because you called them witches. It's also a kind of laugh albeit shrilling kind. That in my mind's eye is what those girls were doing, not so?

As I said as regards the calculator...I won't let you off lightly...you can hear the slight tap or hard tap (sound associated with) of a calculator and that's not even for all calculators self...why I said you shouldn't aid most Nigerians especially the young ones for whom impressions and expressions are not yet cast in stone is because of expressions like 'do/did you 'hear' that smell?' Wrongful use of verbs.

Again, remember only you fully understand some expressions and its intents...don't assume your readers would. Now if you wanted to write a somewhat faulty English expression deliberately, you would still have to explain at the end of the person's speech to let your readers know how deliberate it was.

Remember, that a writer's job and burden is indeed not light...it is why we are told to cut, slash, edit coldly like a surgeon...the reason being the first attempt is always filled with passion and mistakes...it is only when you become a surgeon that you see those mistakes...

Take care and continue writing...let the creative juice flow. Peace

senbonzakura_kageyoshi,

This is good. There is some good stuff here...this is very good. You have a great talent. Most great writers are not good writers, they are great story tellers. You are a great story teller.
If you do not have the money to hire a Professional book editor, save your money, sell whatever you have, and hire one.
Once it is professionally edited, write a great one page query letter, and seek out a New York literary agent. You have a winner here. Do not put this story aside. Expand it to 60,000 words.
You must write a great query letter. You may find this harder than writing a story. You will not get an agent without a good query letter. You will not get a big publisher without a good agent.
Your work is not the quality to just post on the net, e-book, or small publisher. You have a great story, told in a manner few writers can write. This is the kind of talent big publishers are dreaming about.

As I have suggested, expand the story to 60,000 words. Allow yourself one, or two years to prepare to submit to a New York Agent. Your query letter may take a year to write.

You will have hard dark days. You will want to stop, and burn the pages. Do not allow yourself to give up. Do not allow anyone to side track you. This work will have a life far beyond your Grand children. You have reached inside of men as few have done.

true?:
senbonzakura_kageyoshi,

This is good. There is some good stuff here...this is very good. You have a great talent. Most great writers are not good writers, they are great story tellers. You are a great story teller.
If you do not have the money to hire a Professional book editor, save your money, sell whatever you have, and hire one.
Once it is professionally edited, write a great one page query letter, and seek out a New York literary agent. You have a winner here. Do not put this story aside. Expand it to 60,000 words.
You must write a great query letter. You may find this harder than writing a story. You will not get an agent without a good query letter. You will not get a big publisher without a good agent.
Your work is not the quality to just post on the net, e-book, or small publisher. You have a great story, told in a manner few writers can write. This is the kind of talent big publishers are dreaming about.

As I have suggested, expand the story to 60,000 words. Allow yourself one, or two years to prepare to submit to a New York Agent. Your query letter may take a year to write.

You will have hard dark days. You will want to stop, and burn the pages. Do not allow yourself to give up. Do not allow anyone to side track you. This work will have a life far beyond your Grand children. You have reached inside of men as few have done.

Grazie mille. Thanks a thousand, a million for your advice. Exapnding this story to 60, 000 words? I CAN see the dark days and plenty of page burning. I think that's why i'm so comfortable with writing short stories; i find myself being too critical of my work to continue once i write something longer than five thousand words. So 60,000 words. whew! The prospect is truly daunting!

Fear not friend. 6 0,000 words only seem like a never ending story. Double spaced will give 250 words per page. You have said writing short stories are easy for you. A 60,000, or even a 100,000 word book is nothing more than a series of short stories…that fit together, and make a complete story.
To write a good book takes time, and hard work. In 1999, Arthur Golden published a best seller, “Memoirs of a Geisha.” The re-write of this book took Golden ten years. Why do you think great writers look old? Because it has taken them a life time learning how to write, and develop their talent. Of course writers do write, and sell other works while they are building great stories.
I want to recommend two books you will need; “Nitty-Gritty Grammar,” by Edith H. Fine, and Judith P. Josephson, and “Stein on Writing,” by Sol Stein. These two books are a must for those who believe they have the heart to be a writer.
I also suggest you get, “Writers Digest,” This magazine comes out each month. Never throw them away. These two books, and Writers Digest may be your only companion through the thousands of solo hours you spend learning, and writing.

Of course, if you do not have the heart of a lion, go about your way, and disregard all I have suggested.

true?:
Fear not friend. 6 0,000 words only seem like a never ending story. Double spaced will give 250 words per page. You have said writing short stories are easy for you. A 60,000, or even a 100,000 word book is nothing more than a series of short stories…that fit together, and make a complete story.
To write a good book takes time, and hard work. In 1999, Arthur Golden published a best seller, “Memoirs of a Geisha.” The re-write of this book took Golden ten years. Why do you think great writers look old? Because it has taken them a life time learning how to write, and develop their talent. Of course writers do write, and sell other works while they are building great stories.
I want to recommend two books you will need; “Nitty-Gritty Grammar,” by Edith H. Fine, and Judith P. Josephson, and “Stein on Writing,” by Sol Stein. These two books are a must for those who believe they have the heart to be a writer.
I also suggest you get, “Writers Digest,” This magazine comes out each month. Never throw them away. These two books, and Writers Digest may be your only companion through the thousands of solo hours you spend learning, and writing.

Of course, if you do not have the heart of a lion, go about your way, and disregard all I have suggested.

I dunno what to say, few people have encouraged me the way you have. Well, I have more than the heart of a lion. Besides, 60,000 words? That's a challenge and I love challenges. About those books....I dunno how easy it would be to get them around here. Or is there a pdf version i could read?