Hello,

I've received a traditional marriage bride price/dowry list from Eastern Nigeria that includes several items of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. It's been made clear to me NOT to expect any return of bottles that I present, that is, if I present a carton of bottled beer, I should know that I will forfeit the bottles. This of course means that I will have to bear the cost of the bottles to the supplier of the drinks; of course adding to my already high expenses.

As a result, I intend to provide canned drinks as this automatically addresses the issue of return of bottles (this was a suggestion from a good friend). However, I am now beng told that canned drinks are not "traditional".

So what to do?

Everyone has a different opinion as to what is right.

One suggestion someone gave me is to send money to the bride's family to buy the drinks I am supposed to present. I find that approach wrong. If I am supposed to be providing these drinks as part of my bride price, I should be arranging it independently not getting my future in laws involved. Furthermore, I fear that getting them involved will lead to possible areas of dispute. For example, if I know a carton of Star is X NAIRA and they tell me to provide an amount greater than X Naira for said carton, I will obviously resist that as I will feel cheated - to which they will respond in typical Nigerian fashion" "so you mean to tell me I want to cheat you? Do you know who I am?" Then that becomes an entirely different issue - of me "insulting" them. This is just one example of numerous pitfalls in the suggestion to send my future in-laws money to purchase the bottled drinks on my behalf.


So what do you advise? How have others handled this matter?

Thanks!

From experience, can drinks will accompany your guests home by way of "take away".

Buy bottles. However, transfer the risk of loss or bottles and replacement cost to your in-laws by giving them money to buy the drinks. That way, they will appoint someone to take charge of picking bottles etc.

On a final note, if you are budgeting say N300k for the marriage on account of the list they gave you, make an arrangement for additional N120-N150 if the marriage will actually be holding in the East.

Kx: From experience, can drinks will accompany your guests home by way of "take away".

Buy bottles. However, transfer the risk of loss or bottles and replacement cost to your in-laws by giving them money to buy the drinks. That way, they will appoint someone to take charge of picking bottles etc.

On a final note, if you are budgeting say N300k for the marriage on account of the list they gave you, make an arrangement for additional N120-N150 if the marriage will actually be holding in the East.

Thanks for the reply.

I don't understand what you mean by "take away". Can you please explain.

Your suggestion to give them money to buy drinks while having some merit is something I do not want to do, for reasons I already expressed. Any other ideas?

Thanks.

MRAE:

Thanks for the reply.

I don't understand what you mean by "take away". Can you please explain.

Your suggestion to give them money to buy drinks while having some merit is something I do not want to do, for reasons I already expressed. Any other ideas?

Thanks.

In the villages, lots of people pocket can drinks and settle down to drink the bottle ones. I have actually witnessed this same attitude in the cities as well. I think this happens because can drinks are potable. You either have a mix of can and bottle drinks or better still, do only bottled drinks.

They might not accept the canned drinks especially if its alcohol. Best bet is to ask your inlaw.

Give your inlaws money to get the drinks and deal with the missing bottles diplomatically. How? Do your own market survey of how much the quantity of drinks you'll need would cost, toss in ab extra 10 or 15K for logistics(tansportation,Un-returned bottles)and everyone would be fine. Something like "here's X naira for 20 crates of egg and an extra for logistics" shikena. That way, they wouldn't dare cheat you as they'll know you already know what the market says.

Congrats on your wedding.