This might not be the right title for the story i'm about to tell but I didn't know what to title it.Alright,here goes.
Kale walked into the police station quite calmly.The two officers who were on duty that night watched him as he walked towards them."good evening,officers"Kale said to them. Kenneth, one of the officers,who was not more than 28 years,said "welcome,what can we do for you".The other officer was not as friendly as his colleague."isn't it late for you to be moving around".He said to Kale.Kale looked at the clock in the station.The time was 11:30 p.m.
Kale said"Sir,i want to confirm something".
"and what is this thing you wish to confirm "the unfriendly policeman said.his name was Ugonna.The previous week,a man had been caught.The man had raped a young girl of 16years and after raping her,he killed her.The man was in prison and wouldn't face trial till two months time.Kale said "Would you let me see him".Ugonna looked at Kale in disbelief "why would i do something so silly.?first of, i dont know you.second,i dont trust you.why do you want to see him in the first place".Before Kale could say anything,Kenneth said"cut the guy some slack,ugonna.he just wants to see the prisoner"......"the girl he killed was my cousin"Kale replied.He was lying but he knew the policemen couldn't tell."i'm sorry for your loss"Ugonna said without feeling###
had to cut it. my battery is low.when i charge it,i would continue.

Good start, which promises to be an interesting read.

However, you might want to:

~ Include some line spacing for each new sentence - to improve readability for your intended readers.

~ You also need to pay particular attention to your punctuation. Give a space after a full stop or comma, and remember to use capital letters for the start of a new sentence and nouns (such as names / places).

~ Question marks should denote the end of question. Also use the word "asked", not "said". For example, "Would you like that book?", he asked. Not "would you like that book" he said.

Here's what I mean:

kanechimex: This might not be the right title for the story I'm about to tell but I didn't know what to title it. Alright, here goes:

Kale walked into the police station quite calmly. The two officers who were on duty that night watched him as he walked towards them.

"Good evening,officers" Kale said to them.

Kenneth, one of the officers,who was not more than 28 years, saidasked "Welcome, what can we do for you?"

The other officer was not as friendly as his colleague asked: "Isn't it late for you to be moving around?". He said to Kale. Kale looked at the clock in the station. The time was 11:30 p.m.

Kale said,] "Sir, I want to confirm something".

"And what is this thing you wish to confirm?", the unfriendly policeman said asked. His name was Ugonna. The previous week, a man had been caught. The man had raped a young girl of 16aged sixteen years and after raping her, he had killed her. The man was in prison and wouldn't face trial till two months time.

Kale said asked, "Would you let me see him?"

Ugonna looked at Kale in disbelief. "Why would I want do something so silly? First of all, I I don't know you. second Secondly, I don't trust you. Why do you want to see him in the first place?".

Before Kale could say anything respond,Kenneth said, "cut the guy some slack,Ugonna. He just wants to see the prisoner......

"The girl he killed was my cousin", Kale replied. He was lying but he knew the policemen couldn't tell.

"I'm sorry for your loss", Ugonna said without feeling.

### Had to cut it. My battery is low. When I charge it, I would continue.

Hope this helps and keep on writing. Kudos to you!

Thanks, Efemena.I would try to heed your advice.

"I'm sorry for your loss", Ugonna said without feeling,"I can't help you". Kale pleaded again and because Kenneth asked too,Ugonna reluctantly agreed to show Kale the cell of the ra.p.ist.Ugonna led Kale to the prisoner's cell. When they got to the cell,Ugonna asked the prisoner to turn his lights on at the request of Kale.
"You've seen him.I would appreciate if you start leaving" Ugonna said to Kale.
"One minute" Kale responded. But Ugonna would hear none of it. Ugonna put his right hand on Kale's shoulder, and made to push him forward but Kale turned and twisted Ugonna's hand to his back. Then he hit Ugonna's head against the bars of the ra.p.ist. Kale did it again and again and soon Ugonna became unconscious. Kale let his body drop to the floor. He searched Ugonna's unconscious body and found a bunch of keys on it.
It didn't take Kale long to discover the key to the ra.p.ist prison. He opened the door and said to the ra.p.ist who had been watching them the whole time "Get ready, I'm breaking you out of here" .

kanechimex: Thanks, Efemena.I would try to heed your advice.

You didn't heed fully to her advice.

Your punctuation are still not used properly, and it seems you're scared of the enter key.

The story is nice though...and I believe you can do much better...kudos

Nice one

guys,I'm using a phone and it is hard to know when to punctuate and when not to..anyways,i would still work on the story

^^ That's no excuse.

I write stuff using my phone and I'm able to punctuate. Lack of punctuation in your work only serves to portray you as a lazy writer. No one's interested in reading big blocks of text either.

You either make the effort or save yourself the bother.

(My opinion)

that was kinda harsh,efemena..i'm crying already..but then,what more punctuations should i put in my write up..someone who has written a story should help me out...

^^ No, no, no...I don't mean to be harsh.

I am sorry if I sounded so and I do apologize. I only want to encourage you to make your work a lot more readable.

You've got a good story going, which has the potential to be even better. Remember also, the more you write, the better you get.

Okay here are some suggestions:

~ Start each speech marked sentence on a new line.

~ Implement single line spacing in your work.

~ Remember to always use the space bar after your comma.


This is what I mean:

kanechimex: "I'm sorry for your loss", Ugonna said without feeling,"I can't help you".

Kale pleaded again and because Kenneth asked too, Ugonna reluctantly agreed to show Kale the cell of the ra.p.ist. Ugonna led Kale to the prisoner's cell. When they got to the cell,Ugonna asked the prisoner to turn his lights on at the request of Kale.

"You've seen him.I would appreciate if you start leaving" Ugonna said to Kale.

"One minute" Kale responded.

But Ugonna would hear none of it. Ugonna put his right hand on Kale's shoulder, and made to push him forward but Kale turned and twisted Ugonna's hand to his back. Then he hit Ugonna's head against the bars of the ra.p.ist prison cell. Kale did it again and again and soon Ugonna became unconscious. Kale let his body drop to the floor. He searched Ugonna's unconscious body and found a bunch of keys on it.

It didn't take Kale long to discover the key to the ra.p.ist prison. He opened the door and said to the ra.p.ist who had been watching them the whole time.

"Get ready, I'm breaking you out of here" .

dont mind me efemena.i was joking about your comment being harsh.i see what you have asked me to do and i hope i follow it in the next part of the story

The man in the cell didn't respond when Kale told him to come out of the cell.He must have thought he was dreaming.
"Aren't you going to come out?",Kale asked him,"this guy is not going to stay unconscious for long".
The man came out of the cell and stood beside Kale.
"I appreciate you coming to try and get me out of here",the man started to say,"but how exactly are we going to get out of this station"
"Don't worry about that",Kale told him,"there's a car outside of this station.I drove it when I was coming.we just have to get past the other policeman in front".
It was no hardwork getting past Kenneth for he was asleep already.Kale and the man,Stefan was his name actually,walked quietly so as not wake Kenneth up.When they got outside,Kale lent Stefan his shirt because it was cold.So Kale wore a singlet and a jean trousers while Stefan wore Kale's shirt with a boxer as they got into Kale's car.It was a toyota camry.
Kale drove for 40 minutes and then pulled over.There was hardly any car on the road.
"Why are you stopping" Stefan asked Kale.
"We need to celebrate your escape from prison" Kale reached towards the back seat and brought a bottle of champagne.He gave it to Stefan.
"Where's the glass" Stefan asked,although he looked suspiciously at the drink like it contained acid instead of wine.
"Sorry",Kale replied,"no glass".
Stefan put the bottle to his mouth and drank a little from it.He passed the bottle back to Kale.Kale kept the bottle beside him.A few minutes later,Stefan said "I'm feeling drowsy.I think would sleep for a while".
The drink was supposed to make you sleep,Kale thought.While Stefan slept, Kale got out of the car and locked the doors and windows of the car.He opened the trunk of the car and brought out a 10-litre 'jerrycan' of fuel.He poured the fuel round the car.When he finished,he brought a lighter from his jean pocket.He stepped away from the car a little and threw the lighter on the car.
Kale watched the car burn and soon, he could hear the muffled screams of Stefan.Kale's phone started to ring.He say that Fabian was the one calling him.
"Hey, Kale" Fabian said as he picked the call.
"This had better be good" Kale replied,"Why are you calling me"
"It is about Tega the drug lord.He is your next target".
"Why can't you send any of the Seven" Kale asked.
"They are inexperienced",Fabian told Kale,"and you know that"
"What about Kaleb?."Kale asked "He is great at what he does best".
"That's why I'm calling" Fabian replied "Kaleb is dead and I'm thinking Tega Killed him.

My guy,nice story, but just as efemena told u, u need to space it out, lemme give u a tip; since u are using your phone, before each new sentence tap the enter button twice, that will give enough spacing to your work. Also I suggest you change the title to " The Hunters Chronicles", keep it up bro, u will get better.

Kale was silent for some minutes.He watched the still burning car.Then he spoke into the phone "who killed Kaleb"
"It's not something we can discuss on phone.Come over to The House and we'll talk.",Fabian replied,"but first,take care of Tega"#######
Kale walked into the warehouse-like building.Inside the building,there were many armed men.Kale knew this was the mafia house of Tega.Some men were bringing some packages from another door into the building.Kale suspected the packages to be some banned drugs or ammunitions.
One man came to meet Kale.He was weilding an Uzi.
"yes,how can I help you",he said to Kale.
"I want to see your boss".Kale said in tone that would have intimidate Superman.The man didnt show any sign of being scared.He just pointed the gun at Kale and asked what for.Kale acted very fast.He hit the Uzi guy on the stomach with his knee and while the man doubled up,Kale twisted the Uzi out of his hand and pointed it at him.
When Kale did this,he saw that fifty guns were pointed back at him.It might have been more than fifty.Then Kale felt something cold on his neck. A voice ordered him to drop the gun he held and to turn around. Kale did as he was asked.When he turned, he saw Tega pointing a gun to his chest.Tega lowered the gun and said jovially "Hello, Kale" ######

Nice intro, but this won't make it to the front page if you don't work on your punctuations and follow what everyone has been telling you...

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