I can only shake my head at the excuses these women give - but hey each to their own. its a long read so i will just post the link and some paragraphs

They're educated with dynamic careers - and believe motherhood is beneath them. Warning: their views make incendiary reading...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2236467/The-women-think-theyre-clever-babies-Theyre-educated-dynamic-careers--believe-motherhood-beneath-them.html

Louise Vesey has long approached her professional success with steely focus. After university she set herself up as an entrepreneur and built her own business.

She often works through the night in pursuit of excellence and believes one day she will become a millionaire.

Blessed with both brains and extraordinary drive, she already has plenty to show for her hard work. She has an expensive convertible car and wardrobes full of designer clothes. There is just one asset she cannot lay claim to: Louise, 34, doesn’t have children. There are no tiny feet running around her impressive three-bedroom converted home; no bedtime stories to make her smile or loving cuddles given with abandon.


Yet being childless doesn’t make Louise feel incomplete. Quite the opposite, in fact.

‘I’ve never felt maternal and can’t think of anything worse than having children,’ she says. ‘I want to do clever things and reach my full potential. A child would get in my way.’



Louise is one of a new breed of middle-class women who, quite simply, consider themselves too clever to have children.

She has worked tirelessly to establish herself in the workplace and wants to enjoy the fruits of her success without any offspring to jeopardise it.

To Louise, the idea of ‘having it all’ is a myth. She is convinced motherhood would ruin her career and render her bored and miserable.

‘You can be too intelligent to have children,’ she says. ‘To reach your full intellectual potential you need to be childless. If you are a thinking woman it’s more sensible not to become a parent.


‘If you’ve been well educated it’s easier not to have children — you see opportunities to take advantage of,’ she says. ‘So I suppose you can be educated out of reproduction.’

She's right ..... motherhood is not meant for everybody and its not a piece if cake either,

however I don't completely agree with her saying being childless makes you reach a full intellectual potential ....

Well in some ways but if you have a supportive spouse you will

or she's just speaking for single moms .

‘You can be too intelligent to have children,’ she says. ‘To reach your full intellectual potential you need to be childless. If you are a thinking woman it’s more sensible not to become a parent.

Very sensible statement, I hope more and more Nigerian women take up this attitude. Why? Well you see for us older men, we don't have sex with girls in their 20's really. the over 35's are our playground. The more women that don't have kids to get in the way, the better. No distraction from us and the sex. These older girls still get small fire for their yansh. Ask chaircover if na lie.

Bringing a Baby to the world is a big responsibility, here in Africa, most people rarely consider the consequence all we know is traditionally you should marry and have children.
When you work in certain feilds you fail to see the wisdom in people pushing out babies they have no plans for, sadly the whole society has to pay for such thoughtlessness.
From my job I have learnt to shift from Catholic doctrines and now hold the veiw that people should have babies they can't fully care for.
Cotton it is their choice, every human is free to make one. Who are they having kids for? Their ego? Themselves or to satisfy society? Let each do what they can do best.$ having children is not a must. People have children without planning and watch the child suffer and die from lack and poverty yet they go and bring another child again to continue the circle

@ Cotton, apart from the last bolded bit of your post, the lady does have a point.

Having kids is not a do-or-die affair. (except in Africa Nigeria). She is perfectly entitled to live her life the way she wants too.

If 20 odd years on she decides she wants to have kids, adopting one would always be an option for her.

I have had this friend of mine for 11 months. She has tried IVF and was unsuccessful, her mother in law died of breast cancer last year. when she was trying for kids, I just assumed she's always wanted kids but just hasn't gotten favored yet. Not too long ago I asked her how long she's been married for and she told me 16 years and in my hearts of heart I felt so bad for her, I thought to myself "awwww 16 years of trying". I got the shock of my life when she told me she just started trying last year and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "WTH have you been doing all these while"?

This girl and her husband did not want any kids. She gave me excuses like how she'd planned to travel around Europe, Canada(work there for 2 years) and bla bla bla. I asked her if she had done any of the trips and her answer was no. So for 16 years she and her husband have been "deceiving" themselves. I will tell you why she now wants to have a child: when her MIL was dying, all her kids were there for her, they took care of her and some even moved back in with her when she became Palliative. OH The love and attention they showered that woman even grand kids as well. These friend of mine saw all of these and it got her and her husband thinking, who will look after them when they are old and grey? what if they end up having cancer, who will look after them?......

She is in her 40's and is praying for a miracle. I told her once that a good spouse will help you all the way. Children are not born to be hindrances to your future, they are born to be the good story in your future by the grace of God.

yes the women have a point but I don't like the smug assumption that women that do have children are somehow not as intelligent or focused. yes we can;t have it all but I find a lot of these women now come back 20 years later writing in the same newspaper saying they wished they had had children.

Like I said each to their own but if a woman wants to have children, women that don't want to have them should keep shut and not try and say they are too intelligent to have children, most of the women i know are intelligent, educated professionals so these women don't make sense.

on another note and I'm not sure if I should start a new topic on this but what do you people think about putting your children through private school, i'm looking around for some schools for my daughter (yes i know she is young but one must plan well) and i'm wondering, i have kind of made a decision but just want to hear what other parents think - especially with the way the world is changing

cotton101: yes the women have a point but I don't like the smug assumption that women that do have children are somehow not as intelligent or focused. yes we can;t have it all but I find a lot of these women now come back 20 years later writing in the same newspaper saying they wished they had had children.

Do you mean "Can" or "Can't"??

If the latter, then I disagree with you. I for one would class myself as having it all.

I've got the career, family home (husband and kids) and most importantly, I am happy and fulfilled.

Do each of these elements come with their challanges? Sure, they do.

Would I have it any other way? No, I wouldn't.

cotton101: Like I said each to their own but if a woman wants to have children, women that don't want to have them should keep shut and not try and say they are too intelligent to have children, most of the women i know are intelligent, educated professionals so these women don't make sense.

True that.

cotton101: on another note and I'm not sure if I should start a new topic on this but what do you people think about putting your children through private school, i'm looking around for some schools for my daughter (yes i know she is young but one must plan well) and i'm wondering, i have kind of made a decision but just want to hear what other parents think - especially with the way the world is changing

Yeah, I think you should open up another thread for that.

Nonetheless, it's a personal choice. There are so many angles you need to look into. Say for example:

~ What are your long term goals (educationally) for your daughter? Do you want to go private all the way? Or are you more focused on starting private (primary level) and then switching to a good state funded school for the latter years (secondary school level). If yes, then what sort of school are you aiming for, for her? Competitive and highly academic grammar schools? Religious / faith based secondary schools? Local Comprehensive schools?

~ You also need to do your research on these schools. If you're looking to start state-funded schools then switch to Private at the secondary school level, then what sort of schools do you have in your area? What have the OFSTED reports for the school(s) in question been like for the last 5 years? Outstanding? Very Good? Satisfactory? Needs Improvement? What have the SAT results / pupil performances been like for the past couple of years? What about the GCSC results? What percentage of students scored between (A - C) in the traditional subjects? (Mathematics, English Language, Sciences, Foreign Languages {French/Spanish/German?})

~ Affordability: Have you done your sums? Can you afford it? On average, you'll be looking at £3,000 per term at primary school level or £4,500 at secondary school level for starters. And this excludes school trips, costly uniforms / blazers, Music, Sports, Drama lessons and even school lunches.

And most importantly, what do you think is best for your daughter? Not every child is academically inclined. Do you want a school that is purely academic? Or one that has a healthy balance of academia and pastoral care?

Cotton, I could go on and on and on about this. My advice for you is to Google it up and also speak to other parents who are in the same boat to find out exactly what going private entails.

Hope this helps sha

***

so having children is now by force. if u know u wont be able to give the child the adequate attention, supervision and guidance you should jus force urself into motherhood either way? forcing motherhood is the reason why we have so many poor black people and criminals, u bring into this world what you cannot keep up wit all in the name of pleasing ur husband or other family memebers

cotton101:

on another note and I'm not sure if I should start a new topic on this but what do you people think about putting your children through private school, i'm looking around for some schools for my daughter (yes i know she is young but one must plan well) and i'm wondering, i have kind of made a decision but just want to hear what other parents think - especially with the way the world is changing

As per private school, it depends .....you're looking at $30k annually ( all inclusive music and sports; basket ball , judo, soccer etc), that's excluding lunches,

and lessons, lessons are like $250 per subject/ month from grade 3 up.( not all subjects but where she's having problems)

Bringing up a child is not a piece of cake. You have to plan it before conception.

You should open another thread for that then we can discuss that.

Frankly I agree with her to an extent. If you cant handle motherhood dont get onboard because according to others in society your life is incomplete.
Forcing this belief of having children being the norm is the reason Nigeria has an overpopulation and poverty issue. Lets face it having kids wont allow you reach your full potential. Once you have kids the automatic focus is on them and what they need to be sucessful. Yes you can be too intelligent to have children if you cant handle them

chaircover: its good that these ladies dont have babies o! They will most probably be only kids anyway and we all know that it will be 24 nanny care for the poor kids.

So you feel that there is a problem with having only one child? I hear this alot.. what reasons? or is it just a cultural thing?
#trulycurious#

...

I agree at not necessarily the too clever to have kids but at the not everyone is cut out for having kids.Our culture seems to think that maternal sacrificing all for your kids is inborn to every woman.IMO not everyone is cut out for that.Even those that have kids sef our culture looks at you weirdly if you say i want one or two.Everyone keeps winking or smiling smugly when i and hubby emphatically state we dont want anymore kids.We have two. I hear things like 3 is ok, are u scared, God will provide,if you can afford 2 you can afford 3, God said go forth and multiply .All this from supposedly educated people.I tell them i cant take on mote and this is not just financially which is also a factor cos giving them what i consider the best takes money,time, effort, mental exertion,psycological encouragement etc.Me and hubby cant afford all that for more than two and some cant for even one.All in all mistakes happen and contraception still has 1% failure rate .

cotton101: I can only shake my head at the excuses these women give - but hey each to their own. its a long read so i will just post the link and some paragraphs

They're educated with dynamic careers - and believe motherhood is beneath them. Warning: their views make incendiary reading...

Yet being childless doesn’t make Louise feel incomplete. Quite the opposite, in fact.

‘I’ve never felt maternal and can’t think of anything worse than having children,’ she says. ‘I want to do clever things and reach my full potential. A child would get in my way.’

Louise is one of a new breed of middle-class women who, quite simply, consider themselves too clever to have children.

She has worked tirelessly to establish herself in the workplace and wants to enjoy the fruits of her success without any offspring to jeopardise it.

To Louise, the idea of ‘having it all’ is a myth. She is convinced motherhood would ruin her career and render her bored and miserable.

‘You can be too intelligent to have children,’ she says. ‘To reach your full intellectual potential you need to be childless. If you are a thinking woman it’s more sensible not to become a parent.


‘If you’ve been well educated it’s easier not to have children — you see opportunities to take advantage of,’ she says. ‘So I suppose you can be educated out of reproduction.’

@Poster, I have issues with women like you who believe WOMAN EQUALS BABY-MAKING MACHINE. I seriously do, because what is obvious to even the least educated out there is the world DOES NOT NEED any more new souls pulled in. . . Population is at 7 billion with more than 11 million children die every year with well over 60% of the deaths from causes such as diarrhoea, malaria, neonatal infection, pneumonia, preterm delivery, or lack of oxygen at birth, and millions more starving each day.

While I do not subscribe to the lady's personal reasons, I think we need more educated women to make the choice to SKIP on overcrowding this earth. The warnings are everywhere that the earth cannot handle even what it already has, yet we have so many of your kind who think that you dragging yet another soul into this already OVERCROWDED planet makes sense . . . I bet you think your reason/rationale for having that one child(or whatever number you come up with) will be more valid than this lady's reason for not even having any at all.

kobo junkie are you looking for beef with me or something - this is meant to be a light headed topic for people to discuss

when did i say women are baby making machines - if your happy not to have children that is ur biz but don't try and start something.

if you feel the world is over populated then please do yourself a favour and make it 7 billion minus 1,

i don't know why you are so aggressive and always on the attack on the site.

cotton101: kobo junkie are you looking for beef with me or something - this is meant to be a light headed topic for people to discuss

when did i say women are baby making machines - if your happy not to have children that is ur biz but don't try and start something.

if you feel the world is over populated then please do yourself a favour and make it 7 billion minus 1,

i don't know why you are so aggressive and always on the attack on the site.

If you read your own post, you would know where I get the assumption that you are one of those who believes women are baby-making machines. For the fact that you shake your head at the choices made by these WOMEN, and the reasons they give, it is more than clear that you do see woman are baby-making machines. If this sort of excuse had come from men, I am sure you would probably say something like "well, it is not for everyone". . . or something along those lines.

Secondly, I don't feel the world is overpopulated . . . the world is over-populated. There are more people than current resources can handle. There are more people than we can currently supply with food and water(basic sources needed for maintenance of life). If that does not help you understand the reason why the world is currently considered OVER-populated, I am not sure what else will help.

If you feel attacked on this site, then you probably should not even be here. This is a discussion forum and discussions take various shapes and forms. It does not have to be all mellow to suit your intelligence level. Either be open to the fact that people debate issues differently, or log off and get your peace of mind elsewhere.

kobo junkie - ur not attacking me - u have an attacking attitude on this site.

Like I said I know many intelligent women with children so for any woman to say her intelligence level is too high to worry about changing nappies and cleaning up vomit is insulting. if you don't want kids say u don't want kids and stop there but don't indirectly insult mothers cos they made the decision to bring life into this world.

and kobjunkie don't insult me - it doesn't reflect well on u. Yes I am one of those women that believes if you want children then have them - which one is baby making machine again - my taxes and that of my children will be paying someone's pension so i guess when it favours some people its good to procreate right?

so if you believe the world is over populated what are doing about it, or are u suggesting we start giving removing the wombs of all women of child bearing age.

Fact: Having a child certainly changes everything.

Everyone's choice, to have or not to have children should be respected.

I strongly believe not everyone should have kids. I also strongly believe some people should be castrated. The things they do and engage their children in, i wonder why God blesses them with kids while others are begging to have one. If a career rocks your boat, please go for it. Leave innocent kids alone if you are not ready, or know you should not be allowed to be near a kid. This includes child molesters, abusers, psychopaths and what not. *drops mic and exits*

cotton101: kobo junkie - ur not attacking me - u have an attacking attitude on this site.

Like I said I know many intelligent women with children so for any woman to say her intelligence level is too high to worry about changing nappies and cleaning up vomit is insulting. if you don't want kids say u don't want kids and stop there but don't indirectly insult mothers cos they made the decision to bring life into this world.

and kobjunkie don't insult me - it doesn't reflect well on u. Yes I am one of those women that believes if you want children then have them - which one is baby making machine again - my taxes and that of my children will be paying someone's pension so i guess when it favours some people its good to procreate right?

so if you believe the world is over populated what are doing about it, or are u suggesting we start giving removing the wombs of all women of child bearing age.

Like I said . . . .

Kobojunkie:

If you read your own post, you would know where I get the assumption that you are one of those who believes women are baby-making machines. For the fact that you shake your head at the choices made by these WOMEN, and the reasons they give, it is more than clear that you do see woman are baby-making machines. If this sort of excuse had come from men, I am sure you would probably say something like "well, it is not for everyone". . . or something along those lines.

Secondly, I don't feel the world is overpopulated . . . the world is over-populated. There are more people than current resources can handle. There are more people than we can currently supply with food and water(basic sources needed for maintenance of life). If that does not help you understand the reason why the world is currently considered OVER-populated, I am not sure what else will help.

If you feel attacked on this site, then you probably should not even be here. This is a discussion forum and discussions take various shapes and forms. It does not have to be all mellow to suit your intelligence level. Either be open to the fact that people debate issues differently, or log off and get your peace of mind elsewhere.

baby_123: I strongly believe not everyone should have kids. I also strongly believe some people should be castrated. The things they do and engage their children in, i wonder why God blesses them with kids while others are begging to have one. If a career rocks your boat, please go for it. Leave innocent kids alone if you are not ready, or know you should not be allowed to be near a kid. This includes child molesters, abusers, psychopaths and what not. *drops mic and exits*

I do think we might eventually come to this if people do not correct their current selfish choices. There are way too many people having children that end up a a sort of burden on society(the children are not to blame but unfortunately, society can only handle fending for so many of them at a time) . . . so many more having children that they are not able to fend for. Rather than putting the Children 'down', I would that the irresponsible adults have their tubes tied, be castrated or denied the right to reproduce for a period. At least until they prove themselves capable of the responsibility.

I dont see anything wrong in her choice not to have babies. She has chosen her career and I really believe you cant have it all. One end will have to suffer, either its your kids or your career. Everyone has a right to chose.

We are all different in our own ways. Thus, we choose what works for us. If it favours her not to have children, that's her business, her choice. For me, my children are my greatest gifts. The love I have for them, I have never experienced for another human being. It is indeed fulfilling, and it brings joy to my heart everyday!