Did u miss me,while i was gone did anyone eclipse me,cum'on gist me. . .
Yo yo yo it's your projan social director back again,i just wanna take this time out to apologise for my days of absence,no creating threads nor commenting on any thread,if you wanna hear the full story you can meet me later in my office *winks*
I'd like to shout out to my Presido Bunmioguns,his vice,the jokes president Proff Emiritus Bin bagbo,all the cabinet members and fellow Projaners,how una dey?,hope u all doing well,good. . . Well as a welcome back party i'd like you all to just sit back,relax,order any drink or delicacy you want,the waitress will attend to you and enjoy this jokes. . . Please if there's any joke that u've read before kindly hold it to yourself cause there are others that havent read them before. . . I'm your host da Xymc. . . .*standing ovation* thank you,thank you,thank you oh you're too kind thank you. . . DJ HIT IT!!! LETS GET DA PARTY STARTD!!! ****






Mafia Boss and his deaf book keeper
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf.That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have totestify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back ,"I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back,"OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Lawyers...You gotta love 'em.
****

Naughty Answers
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,
" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
****************************************
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
***********************************
Husband asks:
"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
I nformation
F ighting
E very-time
Wife replies:
" No,......
It means:
W ith
I diot
F or
E ver !!!"
*****************************************
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
****************************************
Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack
& our driver ran away
*********************************************************
A young boy asks his Dad:"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my
son, THAT is confidential.
****
Deer and a boy
A boy kills DEER & cooks it &
doesn't tell friends what it is.
He gives a clue
"Its what my girlfriend calls Me!..
A Friend screamed:
"Nobody eat it, its dog meat !!!! "

1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. (My personal favorite funny quotes )
2. Having one child makesyou a parent; having two you are a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. Itried - but they wanted cash.
5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannotlive without, but whateveryou do, you'll regret it later.
7. You can't buy love, butyou pay heavily for it.
8. Bad officials are electedby good citizens who do not vote.
9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.
11. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
12. Those who can't laughat themselves leave the job to others.
13. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
14. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
15. You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
18. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It'slike asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
19. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
20. It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another.

# Your Ex asking to be friends after breaking up is like Kidnappers asking to "keep in touch" after letting you go.
# I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday you really pissed me off.
# Smile, it scares people ..
# A good man can make you feel sexy, strong andable to take on the world...Ohh sorry that's wine.... wine does that ..
# I never make stupid mistakes, only very very clever ones...
# Get a tattoo. Don’t worry about regret.
# "HAVE PATIENCE" is thefavourite word of LAZY PEOPLE
# 3 people = party, 2 people = Twosome and 1 person = ? Guess..!!!! one-some..!! No its hand-some
# Going into the unknown is how you expand what is known.

Epistle of Xymc to the Phillistines

jackpot: Epistle of Xymc to the Phillistines

aahh,wat?

Not bad

peterugoobi: Not bad

Tnks man

Xymc...:
aahh,wat?

dont mind him my social director, he is only jealous because Bin and I has been nominated as d jokes section poster of d year, anywhere u see his comments, jst ignore it.....



Anyway, welcome on board nd beside where hav u been since all dis days

bunmioguns:



dont mind him my social director, he is only jealous because Bin and I has been nominated as d jokes section poster of d year, anywhere u see his comments, jst ignore it.....



Anyway, welcome on board nd beside where hav u been since all dis days

Emm. . .my Oga,just been around,had soo many things to take care of,i've been really busy. . . But me back now

Xymc...:
Emm. . .my Oga,just been around,had soo many things to take care of,i've been really busy. . . But me back now

jst go to dis link nd nominate either me or BG. . . https://www.nairaland.com/1120006/2012-official-jokes-section-poster. .

bunmioguns:


jst go to dis link nd nominate either me or BG. . . https://www.nairaland.com/1120006/2012-official-jokes-section-poster. .

Okeydokey chief