The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child - Family - Nairaland
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| The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Smile4mee01: 7:00am On Dec 10, 2012 |
Salute to my nairalanders. I am quite down on moralle today and that is because I am the 1st child and son in a family of 4 and I must say that resposibilities aTtached to my position is overwhelming me. My dad is late and my mum is just managing. I work as an engineer and for the 2 yrs I have worked I have nothing to show for it, no savings no investment, no girlfriend sef. All of my income has been used to attend to this or that, I am 28 yrs now and I wonder if my dreams of being successful wld someday come true, or. Should I give up on my puruit for happiness.the bad thing is that my thought are beginning to affect my relationship with my mum and sibblings. Sometimes I just want to run away, bur again some friend told me to face my fears. When wld I begin to live for myself, the tought of marriage is far from me though I wld love to marry someday, infact I don taya. Kindly advice. 4 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Ficeo(m): 7:15am On Dec 10, 2012 |
well, urs re three siblings. Mine re five. My parents re jobless nd am underemployed. Keep on prayin, Nothin is impossible with God. Am a witness. 12 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by k2039: 7:45am On Dec 10, 2012 |
Your have to change your attitude and way of reasoning. You obviously only need to endure for a while, (I understand it'nt really that easy), sooner or later, the next in rank will also get a job and that way your burden will be reduce, until the last eventually gets a job. Understand, in matters and cases like this, your attitude matters a lot, you only have to be positive and hope things will get better. 4 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Nobody: 7:49am On Dec 10, 2012 |
Ficeo: well, urs re three siblings. Mine re five. My parents re jobless nd am underemployed. Keep on prayin, Nothin is impossible with God. Am a witness. Kudos to you. I'm sure OP will see that there is always somebody with a bigger burden. 5 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Kobojunkie: 7:59am On Dec 10, 2012 |
@Poster, you need a serious re-orientation here. You, like millions of Nigerians, are stuck believing that there is a manual when it comes to how to achieve happiness, that you probably fail to step back and enjoy what you have in your love right now. That is a quick way to failing in life. There is no straight template when it comes to happiness, and there is no rule on how old you need to be to get one thing or another. You don't have money saved up for marriage at 28, so what? What stops you from saving up by the age of 35 or even 42 for marriage? So you don't have a galfriend at the age of 28? So what? What stops you from getting one by age 51, or before? or even after that? You don't have a house built by age 28, na by force? Where is it written that you must build a house by then or . . . ? I suggest you go back and think again on what it means to live. I don't see what your being the first child has to do with anything. Thinking that way reveals firsthand that you have no clue what life is, still. So you have had a job for 2 years,great. Keep working hard and make sure to enjoy life even as you work. And when I say enjoy life, I don't mean the stu_pid nonsense that passes for enjoyment in Nigeria. I am talking even of the simple things like enjoying food, breathing in fresh air, enjoying the scenery, spending time with your mother and siblings and enjoying each other's company the much you can. So many of those whom you probably envy do not have such luxuries. Many of them have no option but to keep working like dogs to maintain what they have so far acquired. Many of them are happy but they know what they had to pay for it. So, before it is your turn, learn to enjoy yourself where you are, on the way to where you are going and stop throwing yourself pity parties and worrying over nothing. Like the bible says, no amount of worrying will make things happen. 39 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by vanstanzy(m): 12:42pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
"UNEASY LIES THE HEAD THAT WEARS THE CROWN", CAN BEST DESCRIBE THE FIRST BORN. AM ONE OF 'EM. 4 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by dondada1(m): 12:46pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
Dude I feel you pain..Am also going through the same But am happy because it feels good to help my family...Just dont let it break your back Try and find Joy in it..otherwise its kind of a waste..one day you will get major favor BE THANKFUL FOR THE THE JOB YOU HAVE AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP PEOPLE 5 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Azubreezy(m): 12:48pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
It's easy if u appreciate the meaning of the words Patience and Sacrifice. @Poster, adjust ur life and thoughts to accomodate ur mom and siblings. Blood is thicker than water. Life is not a relay race. I have four siblings behind me and I hv decided to be there for them, wateva it takes. 1 Like |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by somegirl1: 12:49pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
I get very upset hearing of situations like this. Huge responsibilties too early cause people to venture into illegal activities. Better to set up a small business for your fam than give money every month (in my opinion). 6 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by sylve11: 12:56pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
vanstanzy: "UNEASY LIES THE HEAD THAT WEARS THE CROWN",. True! @op, prayer and perseverance is the key. U gat to think positive.  |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Born2beRich1(m): 12:59pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders. That is why you are the first born...You have to show your siblings and family that no matter the pressure or fustration you will still be able to handle it...My senior brother is the first born and he struggled until 29years of age when he finally got a job in a multi nationa company...After some few years he is presently a manager... The struggles in life made him to be a hard and dedicated worker leading to several promotions. So, dont give up because if you run away, who will your siblings look up too? 2 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by kayLion(m): 1:06pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
@OP...I really feel Ur pain., though am not a first born., I am d second but my elder bro is in Ur shoes...at least u have friends..he doesn't, he stays far away from us, complains about depression and all that...all I tell him is it's a matter of time...when, I get good job, definately, I will pay my dues too...so, just keep your head up., help ur siblings and u will never regret it and please, having a gf doesn't guarantee happiness o...God bless your hustle 1 Like |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by UyiIredia(m): 1:06pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
I share your pains. Everytime I'm being lectured on being a good example to my siblings. Sometimes their mistakes are attributed to me. 2 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by TeenageMoney(m): 1:07pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
@op, i also feel ur pain... My dad's elder brrother left sch at the age of 9 to cater for them(5.. 4younger ones and an elder sister) after their dad died.. If he tell u him story, u go cry for am... Lemme nt go think abt that b4 i start crying also...  |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Nobody: 1:11pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
First son of my parents here, its not quite easy, even if you can handle the financial aspects, its not quite easy settling disputes among siblings, telling mom she is wrong in certain reactions, its cumbersome having to note that 10 people depend on you solely for supports. With about 3 going through expensive schooling. It is never easy. I figured out that paid employment won't. Cut it for me, it drove me into enterpreneurship. The responsibilities defined who I am today, and OP be the machine that I am, sleep is forbiddened. And u will make it great. First borns are the best in courage, patience and perseverence. 10 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by frankcimc(m): 1:15pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
I feel you man, I am also in that position but my problem is a little different from yours I always feel I have not done anything for them yet always having this burning desire to provide for them especially my mother. Like others said see it as honor man, this is one behavior I know very well God is always is interested to bless. 2 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by dammytosh: 1:15pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
@Op, DO you prefer to be one of the people who look up to another person for survival ? If you know what i mean. Thank God for the position he has placed you and get back to work. 2 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by NRIPRIEST(m): 1:16pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
I am the second issue in my family and a boy that came after a girl....In Omanbala culture women are not expected to cater nor provide for the family rather its the sole responsibility of the man to take charge and provide for his family. I contributed in raising my elder sister in the University and she finished and to married. End of the road. Today I am taking care of all my family problems including my non-working parents,three siblings in the University and everything that comes with it. Its very tough to be the first boy in an Omanbala household. And what do we get? You get to keep your father's "Obi" when he passes,becomes the head of the family even while your mother still lives and performs all the rituals during "Igbankwu",burial and other customs. 1 Like |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by thosedays: 1:16pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
dondada1: Dude I feel your pain..Am also going through the same |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by RanchOwner: 1:16pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
@poster, In the same situation here, but I have learnt to look at the bright side of life, being the first of five siblings. Still single two of my siblings have married, but I'm 100% certain at the right time, I will marry. Nonetheless, it has not been easy, always have a positive attitude about everything. Your good planning, hard work, sacrifice and most importantly patience will surely pay off in the long run, just hang in there. Wish you all the best, it's a cross we have to bear alone  1 Like |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Vykiano(m): 1:16pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
Broda as e b,no b ur own worst pass.. Kip ur hustle alive,nt a must avin a gurlfwend... Take ur mum as ur gurlfwend,work 2 make ha appy. Pray n everyfin go set.. 1 Like |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by eduson77(m): 1:17pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
just see how you wasted this beautiful opinion with unmannerd talk.. @op,please do as this guy said. save up and start a business which can at least cater for their little expenses and then, you can have a little more chance to think of your future.. as they say,TEACH HIM HOW TO FISH AND STOP GIVING HIM FISH. some-girl: |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by bojar(m): 1:19pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
You owe yourself the responsibility of breaking away from the Cycle of a lean purse... Seek some financial Advice.. |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by 80million1: 1:22pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
*speechless* i can't shout. |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by blackmale(m): 1:23pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
dude,, i advise you to try to live your life and stop bothering yourself about siblings,,,, take care of them if you re capable of doing so,,, but if you cant,, live your life stop imposing your siblings responsibilities on yourself,, cos if they were in your shoes they might not think the way you think,, i am the first born too,, be wise bro,, 4 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Joey82(m): 1:26pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
@op I feel ur pain, i'm in same shoes as u. though not the first child but the first son. the responsibilities can sometimes weigh u down. at some point i just decided to live a life too. i cant just be laboring for everybody. i have to also take care of myself for them. if anything happens to me, they'll all suffer, so i learnt to sieve. what ever problem any one brings, we sit down and properly analyse it to see if its even woth while. you have to show them money is hard to get. 2 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Nobody: 1:27pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
This is really touching. I understand totally what the OP is going through. Life can be such a drag when one can't have any fun with his little earnings due to the crippling weight of responsibility on his shoulders. You just have to keep soldiering on and hope for the best. I really don;t know what advice to give other than that. 1 Like |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Jarus(m): 1:29pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
I am happy you didnt give some metaphysical explanations to it, like some people do. That's good enough. It should not deter you. It's actually a blessing and perhaps test for you. I'm not saying you should be a father christmas but it's good you remember your parents, your siblings. To me family is very important and I hardly regret anything I spend on my family. Your mum is very important, pls continue to take care of her. For your younger ones, keep taking care of them but ensure it's not on unproductive things. You need not buy him a 20k phone, if it's just 5k phone you can afford for him/her. Try to spend on only things that are very important and critical, like education, professional exams etc in asmuch as you can afford them. You're actually investing in them and when they also come of age, they will relieve you of those burden. For your extended family and perhaps friends, don't turn into father christmas, do only what you can afford. They will call you stingy etc, dont bulge. Save, save, save. Yet, in all, don't forget the simple principle: save, no matter how small, invest, don't let your expenditure exceed your income. I come from an extended family and the first big man in our family came of age in the 70's but he invested is us younger family members, gave us the best of education. The burden fell on him as the first graduate and working class person in our family then but he was spending (investing) in the family. It was a burden then, but today he is reaping the fruits, as those of us younger generation now come together to contribute for family needs, leaving him to face his business, even though he is still the richest family member, but he has been relieved of minor and even some major expenses now, because he took care of us. On a pesronal note, I don't joke with my family(especially my very immediate family, but of course don't overburden yourself. 1 Like |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by Nobody: 1:30pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
My brother, am in your shoes too...but I choose to see it as a privilege. Responsibility gives you drive, and providing for them also makes you feel fulfilled. 2 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by DeGrace01(m): 1:32pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
My dear just keep on don't loose hope and be prayerful God will surely see you through ok. On my own case i either the first or the last, but i am the bread winner of the family for close to two decades now while l am 36 today, you can imagine when i started bearing the burdern, beside we are eight in the family. My dear just count yourself lucky that God placed u in that position, he will never forsake u ok. l started with nothing at a time i feel like running away or end my life but like l said ealier God never fail, today am doing very well have so many things to my credit almost all my sibblings are coming-up financially. so the load has reduced drasticallg. today people respect me alot beacuse of this even outside the family. just cheer-up u will surely make it. But remember the key word is BEING PRAYERFUL, CAREFUL AND BEING FOCUSED. God must surely see you through don't aboundon your family ok. 3 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by NL1960: 1:32pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders. You don taya abi?. You are not serious. Face up to the responsibilities. Somebody must always carry the responsibilities of a family. Iam the third child in my family and somehow like the bread winner. I have seven siblings (all girls) after me. I have been able to put five (5) of them through the higher institution. At a point in time, four (4) of them were in higher institutions. They have all finished. Some are married and working now. The only drawback which really is not a drawback is that i had to marry when i was now above 30 years instead of my earlier plans to marry at below 30. My putting them through the higher institution has created a record in my community as the family that has the highest number of female graduates in a family in my community. This joy cannot be quantified. 3 Likes |
| Re: The Challenges Of Being The 1st Child by titsqueez(m): 1:32pm On Dec 10, 2012 |
so what do you want to do? sell your birth right like Esau? You are in a very privileged position my brother. I am first and i have all kinds of stress everyday as per say i be first born. I overcome them and move on. You are first for a reason, your struggles and the way u overcome them makes you the strong first born that you are.Cheers |
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