It baffles me why Africans living abroad are always looking for each others downfall , especially in work places.  I have observed that most Africans , especially Nigerians, are always jealous when u are making a progress far ahead of the others in a work place, and they will direct all their malicious whims and caprices at making you fall.
What i am wondering is - Our African people don't get bothered if it is his british coleague who is making a progress in their work place, but as soon as an African like him is getting all the patts on the back, His feelings of hate balloons up, and he will stop at nothing to destroy him. WHY?

Another thing i also don't understand is this - Why is it that most African ladies always like to threaten their men , whether boyfriend, or hubby with calling the Immigration Enforcement Authorities at him, anytime a slight disagreement happens between them. I observe that this don't happen when you are dating a British citizen , whether white or black. The worst the Brit will do when u offend her ,is she wont want to have anything to do with you again, no matter how much you plead.
Do African women see their gaining permanent residency abroad as some form of power and control over their partner

I ve also come accross a lot of african ladies on dating sites with screaming instructions -BRITISH /CARRRIBEANS ONLY PLS, SORRY, I DONT DO  AFRICANS!!!! 

This are cases that happen day-in-day-out, that i have heared about here in the UK.



Other cultures stay in unison, especially people from the Carribean, why are africans different ? This is the reason why most Nigerians in the UK will not keep their country men as friends, same goes for other African countries.

The other time, at the last Notting Hill carnival, i met a friend with whom I did NYSC Nigeria, and we chatted about old times and even exchanged numbers. After that ,she wont pick my calls , and wont call me either. I soon found out its the order of the day arround here, because i ve met a lot of other long-lost friends, who has done the same. So i don't bother taking pples numbers anymore, because Nigerians don't like to keep Nigerian friends abroad- and i don't blame them!!

I think its about time we talked about this lack of unison among Africans in diaspora, especially in the UK.

Please comment.

giorgie, forget all this trivial issues and focus on why you left Nigeria in the first place. I don't live around Nigerians or Africans, I don't visit dating sites, so I don't know what you're talking about, sorry.

About the lack of unison in Africans, it did not start today.

@ stillwater.

giorgie, forget all this trivial issues and focus on why you left Nigeria in the first place.

Please explain to me ;

Why should focusing on the reason why i left Nigeria be important to me?
And of what relevance is this suggestion to my topic?

We are talking about embracing unison and love amongst people here, which is a normal thing , just like in every other race i ve come accross, so what is the triviality about it?

I need more break down from you pls.

We are talking about embracing unison and love amongst people here, which is a normal thing , just like in every other race i ve come accross, so what is the triviality about it?

I'll give you a breakdown
The word trivial was being referred to the[i] African girls want Carribean etc.[/i] and not to the African Unite part of your message. When I make friends/acquintances I don't do it based on Nationalities but rather on who the person is. However your type would probably conclude that I might not want to have any thing to do with Africans. Sometimes it's just not like how it seems.

Anyway, I don't believe every other race has that collectivist attitude you try to presume. The Westerners are more individualistic than any other category of people but still it doesn't pose as a deterent to them pursuing any cause they intend to take in life. You talk about embracing unity and love, very good. I appreciate it. However let me remind you that Africans have a lot of unsettled scores (scores that has been fought and is still going to be fought) and embedded hatred among themselves that has developed for centuries and it's not going to take a mere Why: Oh Why? to stop our madness. Superstitious beliefs ( whether true or untrue) also come into play as well to make people shy away from another brother.

Africa is made up of totally different people with different ideology on what camaraderie is all about. We are even going too far discussing unity in Africans. Let's use the madness happening in Nigeria as our case in point.

_{I have to go. I'll be back.}

Maybe it depends who you know?

In my experience I've found Nigerians here in the UK to be a very tight group - they seem to mainly socialise with other Nigerians. I went to a wedding of a young man (my partner is friends with their parents) who has pretty much grown up here, went to school, college and university here, and out of over 200 guests I was the only non-Nigerian. All his own friends were also Nigerians. I found that very odd - so many years here and not one English friend?

My partner still sees many people he was at school with 40 years ago and they are a very tight 'network' internationally, staying in contact with people in Nigeria, Europe, UK, the US, Saudi etc.

@ stillwater


.

However your type would probably conclude that I

Try adopting  more milder word usage when posting on a forum. Public forums are meant for matured and well cultured people. We don't have to be unnecessarily abusive when sharing views, do we? A good example will be the poster below yours (english1) who posted her own view in a nice way.

About the lack of unison in Africans, it did not start today.

Because it did not just start today, are you saying we should therefore accept it as normal ?


You seem to be contradicting yourself a lot in your last post stillwater.
    In your first paragraph, a quick summary tells me that when u cited yourself as an example of an african who make acquiantances  based on personalities, and not nationalities, u are invariably representing majority of africans.Suffice to say  that most africans are as broadminded as u, and will make acquiantances with any nationality, even if its a fellow african. It can therefore be deduced from your first paragraph that u do not share my observation of africans refusing to make acquaintances with each other.
    Moving to your second and third paragraphs however, your quote is as follows ;

However let me remind you that Africans have a lot of unsettled scores (scores that has been fought and is still going to be fought) and embedded hatred among themselves that has developed for centuries and it's not going to take a mere Why: Oh Why? to stop our madness. Superstitious beliefs ( whether true or untrue) also come into play as well to make people shy away from another brother.

Africa is made up of totally different people with different ideology on what camaraderie is all about. We are even going too far discussing unity in Africans. Let's use the madness happening in Nigeria as our case in point.

Apparently, u agreed that africans don't make acquiantances with each other so easily , because of a lot of reasons u enumerated.
  It therefore leaves me wondering , really , what exactly your point is, as you keep swaying both right and left.

I apologise if I come across as harsh, however I do not find my post contradictory. From your first post you were quick to make assumptions on the girl who didn't pick up your calls as not wanting to have anything to do with you because you're African, that's why I thought it fit to tell you how someone like me feel about friendships generally, which is more based on character and personality rather than where one comes from. The girl in question might have had certain reservations not based on the Nigerians don't want to have anything to do with Nigerians thingy(sorry if my words are not soothing enough).

Moreover, in my second paragraph, I listed to you the reasons why some Africans have inhibitions when it comes to posing a united front. Is that self explanatory enough?

The other time, at the last Notting Hill carnival, i met a friend with whom I did NYSC Nigeria, and we chatted about old times and even exchanged numbers. After that ,she wont pick my calls , and wont call me either. I soon found out its the order of the day arround here, because i ve met a lot of other long-lost friends, who has done the same. So i don't bother taking pples numbers anymore, because Nigerians don't like to keep Nigerian friends abroad- and i don't blame them!!

Can you give me reasons why you don't blame them?

, that's why I thought it fit to tell you how someone like me feel about friendships generally,

This is your own personal idiosyncracy, which does not generally represent the majority's disposition.

The girl in question might have had certain reservations[b] not based on the Nigerians don't want to have anything to do with Nigerians thingy[/b]

So what exactly is this reservation based on , considering we related in  a reasonably friendly way in the past?
Other people have also complained about meeting friends who don't like making contacts afterwards. Can it be said to be the same reservations[i] not based on the Nigerians don't want to have anything to do with Nigerians thingy[/i]?
In my own opinion, she wasnt going to saddle herself with unnecessary troubles that may be envisaged from a typical Nigerian. If its not jealousy, its got to be credit card fraud palaver, back-biting, or mr A said this about mrs B.
Now, i am not saying all Nigerians are like that . Of course there are a few broad-minded , and deep-thinking ones, but most are but troubles, at an arms length. So she probably, made a mistake of concluding that i am a typical Nigerian, and since she doesnt want any more troubles than i wish her, she refused to have anything to do with me, lol.

The reason i wont blame them for not wanting to have anything to do with fellow country men, is what i ve just explained above , as well as in my introductory post .

So, if African people, especially Nigerians can just do without all these despicable attitudes, and corruption that we have hitherto accepted as a way of life, i think these reservations will be a thing of the past and there wont be fears of dealing with brothers - hence unison.

Do u agree, dear Stillwater?

So what exactly is this reservation based on , considering we related in  a reasonably friendly way in the past?

I have to speak for myself again, it could be the vibe she got from you despite your friendly exterior. I've learnt that we tend to blame other people for undesirable situations forgetting we have work to do with our own approach to people.

Other people have also complained about meeting friends who don't like making contacts afterwards. Can it be said to be the same reservations[i] not based on the Nigerians don't want to have anything to do with Nigerians thingy[/i]?

No. But at the same time you shouldn't readily conclude on that either.

In my own opinion, she wasnt going to saddle herself with unnecessary troubles that may be envisaged from a typical nigerian. If its not jealousy, its got to be credit card fraud palaver, back-biting, or mr A said this about mrs B.
Now, i am not saying all Nigerians are like that , of course there are a few broadminded , and deep thinking ones, but most are but troubles, at an arms length.,. So she probably, made a mistake of concluding i am a typical Nigerian, and since she doesnt want any more troubles than i wish her, she refused to have anything to do with me, lol.


The reason i wont blame them for not wanting to have anything to do with fellow country men, is what i ve just explained above , as well as in my introductory post , dear still water.

giorgie those things you mentioned are not far from the truth. Yes we shouldn't generalize but in a situation where the negatives surpass the positives associated to a Nigerian, I don't blame anyone for being wary with a Nigerian. We should be concerned about getting rid of these stereotypes, then unity can come into play.

giorgie n stillwater. . after all said n analysed, y don't u both just hook up n get married or somtn for d sake of 'african unity' n we can call it a day  . . just saying! 

It baffles me why Africans living abroad are always looking for each others downfall , especially in work places. I have observed that most Africans , especially Nigerians, are always jealous when u are making a progress far ahead of the others in a work place, and they will direct all their malicious whims and caprices at making you fall.
What i am wondering is - Our African people don't get bothered if it is his british coleague who is making a progress in their work place, but as soon as an African like him is getting all the patts on the back, His feelings of hate balloons up, and he will stop at nothing to destroy him

i think it has a lot to do with the commitments nigerians have in general,most of these people have people to send money to in nigeria,theres the bills to pay here and in the midst of these there are limited places either for them to work or at the top in most workplaces where africans are populated,if you met africans working in the city or in a financial insittution,i.t or other highly paid occupations im sure they do not have that mind set,the british cannot be in the same situation because for one he/she has the option of getting a better job and so you will seldom find a british person in the midst of the whole of that scenario.


Another thing i also don't understand is this - Why is it that most African ladies always like to threaten their men , whether boyfriend, or hubby with calling the Immigration Enforcement Authorities at him, anytime a slight disagreement happens between them. I observe that this don't happen when you are dating a British citizen , whether white or black. The worst the Brit will do when u offend her ,is she wont want to have anything to do with you again, no matter how much you plead.
Do African women see their gaining permanent residency abroad as some form of power and control over their partner


the reason why they threaten their men is because so many of we african/nigerian men are used to battering women,abusing them both verbally and physically so imagine them suddenly getting to the united kingdom and discovering that they have powers to deal with this man,and i also believe that its a way for these women to set their husbands or partners straight,you know as well as i do that most men like to play away,exhibit the whole macho african thing like wheres my food,do this do that and when she doesnt do it fight starts, most women do not actually carry their threats out nor sue their husbands however because nigerian women are always mindful of what people back home will say and the conscience kicks in as well.

I ve also come accross a lot of african ladies on dating sites with screaming instructions -BRITISH /CARRRIBEANS ONLY PLS, SORRY, I DONT DO AFRICANS!!!!

This are cases that happen day-in-day-out, that i have heared about here in the UK.

pls dont blame people that do,we have all come to this country through diffrent ways,some legal some illegal,i dont think a woman/girl who is not legit will need any emotional baggage of a non-brit complicating her life further,imagine an illegal woman giving birth and the guy illegal as well, he can walk away but the woman cannot walk away from the baby plus for someone that isnt legal im sure their first priority is not hook a british or caribean as most of them have british passports anyway,while some women due to their age will marry a british because they are less judgemental than we born and bred nigerians.

Other cultures stay in unison, especially people from the Carribean, why are africans different ? This is the reason why most Nigerians in the UK will not keep their country men as friends, same goes for other African countries.

The other time, at the last Notting Hill carnival, i met a friend with whom I did NYSC Nigeria, and we chatted about old times and even exchanged numbers. After that ,she wont pick my calls , and wont call me either. I soon found out its the order of the day arround here, because i ve met a lot of other long-lost friends, who has done the same. So i don't bother taking pples numbers anymore, because Nigerians don't like to keep Nigerian friends abroad- and i don't blame them!!

I think its about time we talked about this lack of unison among Africans in diaspora, especially in the UK.

i disagree that carribeans are united,it just seems so because theres a lot of them,if you tell me about the indians and pakistanis then ill agree with you having said that,they have been in this country more than 100years believe it or not and there are much more of them in uk than nigerians also because of the lenght of time they have integrated themselves and carved a niche for themselves and integrated within each other.

the reason why your friends behave that way is either because,like one of the other posters suggested maybe he/she gave you the number out of politness and really didnt want you calling,also it might be because they are ashaned of where they live some live in one room flat shares and kinda ashamed of it while some might be living with a boyfriend or husband so u can imagine the complications that will bring with you calling her and chatting especially with the reputation of london boys.

i must agree with you however that nigerians generally are not united,but the ibos i have met are united and i personally think the dis unity is rampant amongst the yorubas,and they are in the majority in london and england as a whole,trying to advocate for a united front i must tell you will be a very tall order because so many people have their own distrust of each other and also i think its just a thing with most nigerians in london and fronting for no reasons but i cant give you a reason for that because i dont live in london,dont know any of these kind of people personally but only speaking from observations and hearsay from people.

giorgie n stillwater. . after all said n analysed, y don't u both just hook up n get married or somtn for d sake of 'african unity' n we can call it a day . . just saying!

lol, abeg stillwater, oya come make we unite ooooo, afterall charity begins at home, lol.

@ lucrabasi

I see a lot of sense in your post.
have u had an experience with Nigerians/africans worth sharing?