Here is how this works:-
The poster above you is your patient (for just a post). You automaticaly become the patient for the poster after you.
The first poster starts off with a problem. The next poster gives a solution to the problem and includes a problem of his/her own.
And the chain goes on. (The problems may be imaginery).

Example:

(1st Poster): I've got a problem with the weather. The sun just keeps shining even when I turn off my light switch.

(2nd Poster): @1st Poster, maybe you should try throwing a blanket over the sun. Hope that solves your problem.


Somebody please help me, I've been trying to send a bucket of ice cubes back to my village but somebody keeps substituting it with water!

haha lmao, that's actually hilarious,

@ topic

well, maybe u should try sending a bucket of water and see if the person would substitute it with Ice cubes,


ok somebody help, I have a very huge test 2morrow but I can't study cuz my next door neighbour is having some kind of party and d noise is more than frustrating

i'm sorry, i see i came a liL bit l8. how did u handle them? U are such a sharp patient.

I don't have a problem, and i'm not looking for one, do u think thats a problem of its own?

yes.
u are suffering from a severe case of introvertism which has led u to associate relating with people to LOOKING FOR TROUBLE.u need to commit a crime ,get attention and overcome ur worst fears-which is "having problems"


my phone has been ringing for so long that even now that its off i can still hear the ringing tone in my head.

@jejelolatu
Just set the phone in your head to speaker mode so you and your neighbours can dance to the ring tone.

Please can some one tell me how to stop my laptop screen from mimicking me?Anytime I press an alphabet on the keyboard the screen show the same alphabet.

u are suffering from identity crisis. An inability to identify the function of ur monitor even tho it has been wit u for ages. . for quick cure, visit ur pastor make dEm beat the craze commot for ya head.


I can't sleep! my eye are sore, each time I close my eyes, life continues from the last place i saw in reality. .

every nite take ur eyes out and put it on the lampstand


i think am paranoid, everytime i walk down the streets,i think someones gone jump out of a corner and grab me.

u need to get drunk with the 'only' spirit in that small bottle, thats the only to kill ur fears, toughen up(boldness) and be at jeje wit urself(sound mind).


since a frienda mine made me puff the magic dragon, my hands seem to be touching the ground, so i walk about with my hands on my head. . should i trim 'em?

If am on the right track here, ur friend made u puff some weed right? Well d only solution is to puff somemore bt ds time spread ur hands out wide. You should feel like ur flyin ds time.




Am out of any problem. Guess dt shouldnt be one. Or is it?

Yours is a typical cas of "Suffering in silence ignorance" syndrome. The treatment is in two phase: To make you awear of your problems, go to the Baale or chief of your area and give him a dirty slap. To solve your problems, a simple dose of panadol or any pain killer washed down with a bottle of bleach will suffice.

Halle Berry and Angelina Jollie are fighting to marry me. They both pledge their undying love but I don't know who to choose.

hmmn from what I can perceive, u're suffering frm loneliness. If not u wouldnt be thinkin of choosin any cos dey are ur aunt.
Solution is stop dreamin and sodgi.



Am in lust once again, is dat a problem or is it normal @ ds stage?

my dear, every man is drawn away by his own lust. .meet ya pastor make them drive those demons commot. b4 then do dry fasting for 7 days.



there's always an inner voice telling what to do. what should i do?

@lyssa,
According to new findings from Swedish scientist (don't ask me which ones) this is perfectly healthy and normal for intellignet individuals. You must never ignore this inner voice. Always debate issues with the voice (especialy in public). You should typicaly speak up loud since the inner person is a little hard of hearing (it is locked inside afterall). The most healthy environments to have such debates include, the market square and in the office. You should periodicaly do it on the street too. Violently resist any attempt by anyone to distract you from the debate (such people don't wish you well). If you get too hot from all the shouting, its OK to take off your clothes just to cool off. Good luck.

I've got a little problem though: Is it normal for people to wash their towels? Theoreticaly, since one is very clean after a bath, ones towel should infact be getting cleaner when ever one uses it.

yeah, I've been on that research myself and this is a theory not a guesswork; Don't ever wash ur towels, don't even try to. discard every advice to do so because they are only jealous of ur good smell, neatness and health. infact keep them away from drying as it could be a good environment for healthy microbes, these micro organisms ensure that u're always in a good state of health. .also, put the towel over ur face and inhale deeply, it clears the head and improves ur thinking faculty.


I talk to myself and laugh at times. I feel free when i do this. I feel its healthy but people laugh at me. doc, what should i do?

keep doin ya thang babe, and dnt be moved by pple's opinion. Thats d cure.



Being having this obsession with sleep lately, what can a bro do?

@sodgi
That is a very healthy symptom. Aged folks are prone to insomnia 'cos they fear they might not wake up. For a young Bro. sleep is highly recommended. Take a good dose of Vitamin C and a glass of water only (vitamin c is very soluble and will dissipate too quickly if you drink too much water). Sleep for about 16hrs a day. Do it in increments of 8hrs with 30min wakefullness in between. When you do this for a month, your productivity should tripple and so will your income. You'd easily become the star employee of your company and the richest brother on your block.

I have a little problem: I . . . um . . . I . . . darn! I've forgotten it!!

Apparantelly ur problem would be d d 4getting syndrom, so . . . I would adcive u to write everything u ever need to remember on a piece of paper, swallow d piece of paper and this way it goes to ur brain and u would never 4get stuffs again,








I keep talking and talking, and at d end of d day I regret every word I ever said that day.

apparently, i diagnosed you to have Impulse speaking. i would advise to to emulate our lord jesus christ . he is a perfect model.


i have an exam 2moro . and i can't leave nairaland.

According to some unpublished findings from the Michigan State University, you are suffering from a classic [b]o[/b]pto[b]lo[/b]mpus[b]do[/b]ni syndrome.
It affects 3 out of every seven students. paste your exam questions on naira land and Nairaland gurus and guruettes will supply all the answers. If your lecturers won't mark your scripts, no problem, Seun and all the other moderators will set up a committee to take care of it. Enjoy.

Guys, I've developed an irrational liking for ghana-must-go bags and I am always dreaming of having a picnic somewhere in Apo Hills. That is a good thing right?

My team of psychiatrist have been unable to come to a descision on your case. However the local witch Doctor here assures me his great-grand pa dealt with a similar case during the early part of the century. Here is what he says:
You need to come out of the closet boldly and forcefully. Locate the closest military barracks or facility closest to you. Put on the sexiest lingerie you can afford to buy. Run to the parade ground and declare your stand and insist on getting the commanding officer of the facility to endorse you. Of course don't forget to place an offering to appease the witch Doctor's ancestors on the parrade ground (a pot of red oil with feathers in it will do).

Problem: My wife wants me to buy baby food for our todler. The toddler has just started speaking and all she says all the time is "mamam . . . mama",
is it fair for me to keep spending my hard earned money on the darn kid?

you r perfectly normaL . only just a tranvestite.  advice.  dont stay in naija. go to brazil


I met 2 girls. one is fat,chubby and smart but the other is pretty and pretty much empty headed. I am CONFUSED  

@tomX:


I have a little problem: I . . . um . . . I . . . darn! I've forgotten it!!

its not a problem, just a shift of neurons in the brain part. .everymorning, jog and count 1-1000, while u are at it and then count back. U problem u think would be solved.

for the latter, u've got a big problem there. the x-rays of ur head shows nothing but women, u are suffering from womanising syndrome. .meet ur momma for the remedy.

u are sufferng from lack of problems, go and get a deep in barbeach for 7 days


i am wearing this ring that i have been tryn to remove for some time now but its not moving

solution, cut off the finger, then you will be able to remove the ring

I really want to slap my boss, do you think it is normal and should i go ahead and slap him

from the look of things, that boss has been harassing u, he needs that hot slap to correct his head. nor waste time again, tomorrow just greet am with slap.

what i'm doing here

Hmmmm . . . @lysaa, have you been sleep walking again? Here is your solution. Put some sleeping pills on your bedside table, get an electronic engineer to rig a presure allarm to your bed, when you get up and try to sleep walk, the alarm should trigger and wake you up. promptly lie down and take some sleeping pills so you can fall asleep. Repeat as often as needed.

Guys, when ever I go to sleep, I always wake up in Nigeria. Can anyone tell me how to get this background to automaticaly change to that of Sydney? While you are at it help me do the same for my screen saver so that after my siesta I'll wake up in Newyork.