***Dedicated to those the good women of the world, especially those been put through intense emotional, physical, mental and psychological torture from their spouses. May God intervene on your behalf***

Dear intending suitor, I felicitate with you.
Marriage is indeed a sweet, wonderful and fulfilling aspect of one's life.
I commend you for intending to take the bold step.
But dear brother, I would like to task you a bit, and I hope you will oblige me?
I will like to ask for this very simple favor on behalf of my dear sister you want to take as your wife; please, permit me.
I want you to take some quality time out on your own to do a comprehensive query of your aspiration.
I will like you to ask your inner self these questions over and over again.
Please, be very sure the answers you get each time tally with the others:


Talking about your proposed wife, will you still love her

-when she no longer looks 'just like an angel sent from above'?

-when her eyes are no longer as dazzling as the morning sun?

-when her she can no longer walk as gorgeously as you used to know?

-when are dresses are no longer looking 'just perfect on her'?

-when that radiant smile refuses to form on her face?

-when those sweet dimples are no longer there to give her that unique look?

-when the natural fragrance that used to be so inviting no longer exists?

-when she is no longer as smart in everything as you used to know?

-when her face that had no single pimple now starts to harbor those 'annoying' wrinkles?

-when everything that made her a 'smashing beauty' starts to fade away?

-when all the physical features that made her an unrivalled pretty damsel just all go away?

-when she is no longer young and beautiful?


Think, think brother, will you be ever-willing to stay by her:

-when she just needs you to be around her?

-when she tells you your presence is all she needs to make her get well soon?

-when she wants you to just play with her?

-when she wants the both of you to spend some quality time with the kids?

-when she needs you to re-assure her that all will be fine, in her time of grief?

-when she needs to just lie on your shoulders to give her the confidence she needs to overcome the challenge before her?

-when she wants you to just watch her cook?

-when she needs a little help with house chores while you are just idle?

-when she needs you to keep watch on your kids and assist them with their home-work, when she really needs a nap?

-when she needs you to talk to the children, because she noticed some unusual changes in them?

-when she needs you to maintain the tidiness in your house, when she needs to go and spend some time with her mum who is ill?

-when she needs you to re-schedule your business trip, because your presence will ease the child-birth process she is about to undergo?

-when she generally wants you to make some little sacrifices just for the sake of her happiness?


If you cannot confidently give an affirmative answer to the questions above, why not just let her be and wait for her own man?

Why do you want to deprive her of the matrimonial happiness she deserves?

Why do you want to take advantage of her innocence to hurt her with ever-lasting sorrowful memories?

Why do you want to betray the trust she has in you, by refusing the proposal of the other guys?

Why do you want her to forever regret her decision to settle for you among all the ones that asked her to marry them?

You really have the guts and conscience to torture her emotionally, mentally and psychologically?

You are not even sure you will be able to refrain from hurting her physically, 'if the need arises'?


For God's sake brother, if you are not absolutely certain that you will love her even when she gives you a good reason not to, just leave her to wait for the man who will.
She deserves a happy and blissful home like the others, don't deprive her of that.
She has chosen to be a responsible woman, even in the midst of her peers, who are of easy virtue.
The least you can do for her is to be her well-wisher.
You don't have to be her husband to show that you like and care for her.
If you are not capable to be her life-long partner, it's no use forcing it.

If you only love her because of her physical features which she has no absolute control over or only because she is well-mannered, then you haven't found your soul-mate yet; please, keep searching.
Search within you and be sure your heart resonates with hers and be sure your love for her is undying.
Look beyond what she has on offer and be sure you sincerely truly love her from the depths of your heart.
When you look at her, you should not just see a pretty lover; you should see a soul-mate who will be your partner in a successful and well lived life.
No good woman deserves to be unhappy in her matrimony.
We understand she definitely has her own short-comings; but remember her family is not giving her out to you because they could no longer condone her living with them; they are doing so because they trust you will make her comfortable as if she were still with them
As for me, I had rather remain without a wife than keep a woman unhappy as my better-half.
Be good, nice and kind to your wife, because God who put her in your care will ask how you managed her. Beware dear brother! Please, beware!


Abu Huraira (r.a.) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said:
''The most perfect amongst the believers in faith is one who has the best manners and best of you are those who are best to their wives.''
(Musnad Ahmad)


http://knowledgecycle./2013/10/11/dear-intending-suitor/

Beautiful! The answer is yes if she would love me back in the same conditions.

You don't have to be her husband to show that you like and care for her.

This sentence is classic.

um, this list is long?

personally, i think making a checklist of qualities you want in a spouse, might also be necessary. Just to get a focus, thats all.

however, carry on.

maclatunji: You don't have to be her husband to show that you like and care for her.

This sentence is classic.

tpia@:
um, this list is long?

personally, i think making a checklist of qualities you want in a spouse, might also be necessary. Just to get a focus, thats all.

however, carry on.

I understand and appreciate the point you raised, thank you. But, I will like to draw your attention to the last two points under each category, you will notice it encompasses all other qualities you might seek in your spouse. The intention of the author is not to decide for the subjects what to desire in their spouses. I hope this addresses your concern.

Your feedback is appreciated.

AbdH: Beautiful! The answer is yes if she would love me back in the same conditions.

The 'good woman' will naturally be a dedicated lover, hence the emphasis on a 'good woman'. Thank you sir.

nice write up.

vedaxcool: nice write up.

Jazakallaahukhairan