So I hear news that the lecturers are ready to
meet with the government and call off the
almost 6-month old strike (yes, I exaggerate,
but now you guys want to nitpick?) – some
are rejoicing. Well, you can count some of us
out of the jubilation for these, out of a million,
reasons:
1. Christmas is almost here, guys
Oh, now you guys are in a hurry to solve the
problem? Calling off the strike now would be
almost pointless because schools will be out
almost immediately after for the Christmas
holidays. Activities in Nigerian universities
tend to slow down at the end of the year so
the Academic Staff Union of Universities
(ASUU) might as well wait till next year to call
off the strike. And you want us to spend all
that transportation money for that useless
Isrealite’s journey?!

2. The female students are all pregnant:
An idle mind is the devil’s workshop and this
saying holds true in the case of Nigerian
university students as well. The previous
industrial actions embarked upon by ASUU
have been a time of pregnancy and delivery
for many female students. ASUU might as well
allow them complete their maternity leave
period before calling off the strike. Give them
time, there are boyfriends to update, parents
to cajole, chemists to be patronised.

3. Here comes the businessman
I thought the government has been trying to
build a generation of young entrepreneurs?
Well, forgive me for thinking that was the
strategy for the strike. With no jobs and
plenty time, the 4-month-old strike has
pushed many students into starting their own
businesses and some of them are making a
lot of money. This is not the time for bad
market, Mr. President.

4. Music albums
May D’s fake house? Iyanya’s $19000 birthday
party? Psquare’s wedding proposal and
planning? Tracking Annie Idibia’s baby bump?
Burna Boy’s penis-driven publicity boom?
Genevieve’s no-movement-in- 2013 career?
Yvonne Nelson’s endless-stream- of-bikini-
photo s? The entertainment industry has fed
fat on the inordinate time students have had
to spend on Twitter, blogs, Instagram and
everywhere else. No one gave them time to
come up with Plan Bs once students return to
school and start writing exams. We need to
be reasonable.

5. Think about the blogs!
So what will happen to all those ASUU-driven
page views we get – eager students lapping
up every single bit of news about the strike.
Anything about ASUU has students excited,
trying to glean any insight, any glimmer of
hope. “ASUU arises from meeting, declares it
is an association?” Check. “ASUU meets,
drinks pure water”? Check. “President
Jonathan speaks, says ASUU strike is indeed a
strike”? Check.
Dear ASUU, the media has supported you all
through this action. It is time to return the
favour – all we ask is a few months.

6. Season 3 of Scandal is out
This is a matter of urgent national important,
at least for those students not in the far
bushes of Ikot-Ekpene. This is not the time for
students to start completing projects, chasing
lecturers, reading for exams, looking for
water in Moremi. Those tweets about Scandal
or Suits or – oh, my poor nerves – “My heart
beats for Lola” aren’t going to write
themselves. This is no time to go soft
lecturers. Stand strong. For once, think of
someone else other than yourselves.
Seriously though, have the issues been sorted
once and for all?

7. The ASUU strikes have become a national
festival – we anticipate it, we prepare for it,
we have come to teams with it. Year after
year ASUU reaches some agreement or the
other with the Federal Government but like
clockwork, it still goes on strike every year.
Students have stayed strong in the hope that
this time, the long-drawn battle will lead to a
once-and-for-al l conclusion? Is this battle the
last one for ASUU? Or will they go on strike
again next year? Because the judgement of
God will come swiftly on all of y’all if after this
four months of pain and misery, you call us
out again next year.
Respect yourselves.

Culled 4rm Tobi Akinlabi's piece!

Mtcheeww...

Fou-fou-foul...

Reason no8: ur cgpa is in shambles

O.Y.O

It is well...

I support you jare!
Let us use this strike and finish the year.
Newyear, new beginnings.

This was almost funny

Lol @ No 6

Fp Tinz on ma mind oooh!!!

Fp Tinz ooh!!!

Must u make jokes out of everything nigga? Thot u had grown up? Rubbish

SCREW YOU OP..
It's not even funny. It's STALE!!.

Lool. I agree with d guy wey talk say ur CGPA dy crawl..

I-am-Winner:
SCREW YOU OP..
It's not even funny. It's STALE!!.

Lool. I agree with d guy wey talk say ur CGPA dy crawl..

*Yimu*
Screw yo too!!!