ileobatojo:

Thanks for your response. How does having sex with the partner before marriage guarantee knowledge of all of their past?

Efemena_xy: Hello, I'm Contestant No. 4 and my questions are directed to Contestant No. 1:

xynerise:
Thanks for your question. Funny question though

You don't have sex with your partner just to have knowledge of his/her past. You do it for the present and the future of your relationship

Funny as it may sound, some people have used ''No sex until marriage'' to cover some past secrets in the life. A lot of women who are infertile due to numerous abortions they did before they met the unlucky guy, will use this avenue to escape being thrown out before marriage. In order not to be biased, the men are not left out on this trick. Some men are impotent due to their past sex life and because they dont want to lose their current partner, they use ''No sex until marriage'' to make her believe that he is a very responsible man. These men and women will disguise as born again christians just to deceive their partners to trusting them.

Obinoscopy: My point here is the influence of societal pressure on the groom's decision. Granted, some couples do not care of what the society wants and go ahead to plan a low budget wedding. But we know that most couples would want to play to the gallery of the society. It is this set of couples I am worried about.

Sisi_Kill:

Thanks for the swift response.

From the above, it is safe say it is the Couples themselves who have chosen to be a hindrance to their journey into marital bliss (i.e the need to play to the gallery). I think this hold more water than putting the blame on society because as we both know given a choice between attending a small wedding and The Practice of Premarital Sex, society would rather attend a small wedding.

ileobatojo:

Good point. But I was asking more in reference to this paragraph of yours.



So, once more, my question is, how will sex before marriage help prevent the bolded? Can you tie the points together a bit better? Thanks.

Contestant 7:
8. Lastly, my body being the temple of God, the Holy book tells me to flee from fornication and adultery. Premarital sex is a sin.

xynerise:
The answer to you first question: A lot of couples prefer to have kids before marriage.

ileobatojo:

Thank you for the bolded. The connection is clearer now.

ileobatojo: Tgirl, can the judges ask questions of any contestant now, or just 5 and 6?

Tgirl4real: Contestant 7



[b]If sex creates strong bond between partners, then why do we still have heartbreaks and divorces. Even some married ones want out!

I can assure you that there are cases of heartbreaks and divorces among individuals who marry as virgins, as well as cases of couples who engaged in premarital sex and have been happily married for over 35 years. And so my first question to you.

A couple got married in Nasarawa state 15 months ago and now the wife is filling her husband for divorce because of excessive sexual demands. Has not having sex before marriage saved this particular couple from heartbreaks and a most likely divorce?






1. Trust and Jealousy: Having multiple sexual partners before finally marrying could escalate trivial matters. A partner might think he/she is not better than the others in the past.

A married couple may choose to have an open relationship with other sexual partners (which does happen). A person may have pre-marital sex with the person they choose to marry, voiding this argument entirely. I see no basis for the claim "having multiple partners before marriage escalate trivial matters ."
Are you trying to say that it is ok to have multiple sexual partners after marriage, if that is what a married couple desire? Would the question of who is better that who not still arise?



4 Testimony and Psychology: A source of encouragement. How do you encourage others and your children when you have no good testimony? It reminds of the movie, “ghosts of my ex-girlfriends”

Imagine a case of two adult virgin ( this is for my opponent's benefit) who have decided to tie the knot. They announce their decision to their family members and friends, and fix a date for the wedding. These two now decide to engage in premarital sex months prior to the wedding date. They are both healthy, virgins, and have not had any past to create trivial matters. They have sex, bonded and discovered they were sexually compatible as well, and so went ahead to be married. They have children, and are happily married and would be grand parents soon.
Isn't that a wonderful story to tell your children about how mom and dad met? Isn't that enough encouragement on the importance of premarital sex?

I for one, will be more than happy to share that story with anyone while encouraging them to have premarital sex.
Like I stated initially, your reasons for waiting till after marriage are not grounded enough and lack evidence to prove your point.

Lerrie John:

This is contestant 3 and my questions for contestant 7.

My dear opponent contestant number 7, you have highlighted, from your perspective, why premarital sex is a "taboo" but you have not given enough evidence to back any of your excerptions as premarital sex has little or nothing to do with the consequences listed. As those said situations will arise with or without premarital sex occurring.

If sex creates strong bond between partners, then why do we still have heartbreaks and divorces. Even some married ones want out!

Do you know that one's sense of judgment about a partner is altered once sex is involved?

Sex before marriage (pre-marital sex) simply means being intimate with a partner one is yet to be legally united with. This makes it illegal. I'm certain not any of us will be proud to see or hear our children involved in premarital sex.

Yes, you can tell me that sex burns calories, enhance the immune system, prevents cancer and the likes. But compared to the era of our ancestors who married as virgins, are people of this generation not still dying prematurely of these same diseases?

The cons of sex before marriage outweigh the pros. It evolves more around the female hood. Here are some;

coogar:

body being the temple of God has little to do with fornication & adultery. the holy book also says one can commit these sins with one's heart - one can commit fornication/adultery without necessarily having sëx.

STIs/unwanted pregnancy can also be prevented if the couple involved practise protected sex. your argument had enough substance without these 2 highlighted points that seem to have removed the heft in your submission.

can you shed more light on these points in case i am missing the big picture?

Efemena_xy: Hello, I'm Contestant No. 4 and my questions are directed to Contestant No. 1:

We know that religious stricture and cultural tradition have mostly been in close agreement on this. Especially with reference to the faiths and traditional morés that prevail in the African context. Sex before marriage vows is “haram”, intercourse before marital rites is taboo.
A case based on a sound religious exegesis and a deep knowledge of our cultural heritage is practically open and shut against sex before marriage. And whilst I acknowledge that it informs my personal position and submit it as supporting evidence, I will not make it the mainstay of my argument. Not least because it is self-evident and would not really lend new insight or progress the wider discussion on this issue.
As societies move away from religious instruction and long held cultural norms, towards an era of autonomous self expression, with personal desires and preference informing choices, are there any other reasons for abstaining from sex before marriage if one simply desires it?
I believe there are sensible and practical reasons for doing so.

Question 1: Based on the excerpt of your first paragraph for which its basis leans heavily on cultural and religious norms of the past, or better still – of a bygone era - how do you reconcile your opinion of sex before marriage for those who do not share your religious beliefs in today’s modern society but are still active, tax-paying, members of society? I’m particularly interested in those who do not yet have marriage as a viable option open to them – such as the GLBTs (Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexuals and Transexuals). Are they exempted from pre-martial sex because they can’t get married?

Efemena_xy:
The essence of courtship is too really appreciate the person one is potentially going to spend the rest of one’ life with. Sex has a binding effect and engaging in it prior to marriage is pre-emptive in that regard. Potentially beclouding one’ judgement to character flaws that should spell the end or at least mean serious consideration is given to continuing the relationship.

Question 2: If you claim that the essence of courtship is to really appreciate your spouse / person you intend to tie the knot with, how can you really know for sure whether you are sexually compatible or not? Granted, sex is not the be-all-and-end-all of a relationship, but it is an important aspect of marriage, that shouldn’t be left to chance – and if your partner has got sexual issues that aren’t discovered until after the wedding night, such as pre-mature ejaculation, inability to climax, what then? Would you spend the rest of your married life frustrated, unfulfilled with no other choice but to fake org@sms?

Efemena_xy:
Abstaining would serve to keep the conjugal aspect of marriage pure and obviate many issues that arise from past liaisons, including those that can manifest much later. Think heightened risk of serious illnesses like infertility and cancer as a result of contraception to avoid unplanned pregnancies, having abortions or using abortifacients. Indeed, is it not with us already? Eighteen with a denied pregnancy anyone?

Question 3: Do you not think that having a conservative attitude to sex where it’s seen as some dark, nasty act not to be mentioned by ‘chaste’ people, is the root of many of societies sexual ills? You’ve given the example of an eighteen year old with a denied pregnancy. Yet, this same eighteen year old confessed that she had to sneak out of her parents’ home for over a year just to see her boyfriend. She had relationship issues which required the input of a loving, understanding and experienced adult (her mother, for starters), but she obviously didn’t feel comfortable enough to discuss her concerns with her mother.

This is all too typical of issues faced by teenagers and when the fail to get that parental support and guidance, they turn to strangers on the net and peers who know no better and the end result – yes, an unwanted pregnancy. When purity peddlers create a false black and white world of ‘pure virgins’ who wait till until marriage and whorish girls who go home every night of the week with a different man, they fail to address the reality of life, a fact that people WILL still get involved in relationships, despite the ‘taboo’ status linked to them. How we deal with these relationships shape how we as individuals grow and evolve about ourselves. You get to figure out the difference between real love and puppy love / infatuation, which this young teen was unable to discern. Her plight is resounding proof that sexual repression has never worked. EVER.

The essence of courtship is too really appreciate the person one is potentially going to spend the rest of one’ life with. Sex has a binding effect and engaging in it prior to marriage is pre-emptive in that regard. Potentially beclouding one’ judgement to character flaws that should spell the end or at least mean serious consideration is given to continuing the relationship.

A norm of sex before marriage would be pay-dirt for players. The mere promise could cause some to drop their guard. Apart from the humiliation of being used, there are other concerns – with women being particularly vulnerable – including disease and unplanned pregnancies.

Abstaining would serve to keep the conjugal aspect of marriage pure and obviate many issues that arise from past liaisons, including those that can manifest much later.

Tgirl4real:

You are only required to quote the portion your question is based on.

Also, you need to respond to the questions already posted to you by your opponent.

ayobase:


as a man thinketh so he is. if you commit these sins with your heart, then it means you have literally defiled your body (the temple of God) You need to ask God for forgiveness. it is just a warning to eschew believers from negotiating it. Sex.ual pleasure is very strong. it is easy to accomplish once conceived. So, DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!


We all do know that protected sex is not totally safe. Abstinence is the best! Condom is said to be 99% safe. What happens to the very dangerous 1%

debosky: Contestant 7 you said the following:



[quote author=debosky]These rhetorical questions do not address the rightness or otherwise of premarital sex, or is there a point here that I'm missing?

debosky: In what jurisdiction is it illegal? Is it illegal in Nigeria? Please explain further if possible.

debosky: Are you against sex in total, or claiming our ancestors didn't have sex, or that those alleged beneficial effects are only present in pre-marital sex? Please clarify.

debosky: Apart from females, any male perspective to consider here (in addition to the ex-girlfriends)?

Tgirl4real: Update

Contestant 1 - Wrong: TV01

Contestant 2 - Wrong : Teeo

Contestant 3 - Right : Lerrie John

Contestant 4 - Right : Efemena XY

Contestant 5 - Right : Obinoscopy

Contestant 6 - Right : Xynerise

Contestant 7 - Wrong : Ayobase

Contestant 8 - Wrong : Quivah 1X

Tgirl4real: Contestant 4

The topic [i]Sex before Marriage: Right or wrong [/i]is one which I would be arguing for and therefore deem as Right.

Irrespective of who or what we are, where we come from, what we believe in or not, sex should be a very private and special moment between us and our chosen partner. It is an act that should be practised only between two [b]consenting adults. I am placing special emphasis on these two words because anything other than consenting sex constitutes rape or child sex abuse. The word ‘adults’ is also used here, because of the emotional and physical risks associated with sex.

Tgirl4real:
Before addressing the question on whether it is right or not for two consenting adults intending to tie the knot to engage in sex before marriage, let us first acknowledge the fact that such ‘intending’ couples have already made an unofficial agreement to commit to each other for life. It becomes official when the necessary documents have been signed on paper and a marriage certificate issued. Marriage is a life-long commitment and not another form of dating. Thus the key word here is commitment. Does it not therefore stand to reason that before undertaking such a lifelong journey with your partner, one should ensure that some groundwork be carried out to ensure compatibility? Especially as this will mean spending the next fifty, sixty, seventy or even eighty years of your life dedicated solely to that person? Based on that premises alone, I earnestly advocate for sex before marriage between intending couples, for the following reasons listed below:

Tgirl4real:
Sexual Compatibility

No Nasty Surprises

Intimacy and Bonding

Chemistry

Sexual Identity

Health Benefits:

• Improved sense of smell [3]
• Stress and blood pressure reduction [4] [5]
• Increased immunity [6]
• Decreased risk of prostate cancer [7] [8] [9]
• Orgasms leading to increased levels of the ‘love hormone’ or Oxytocin, which helps couples bond and trust [10] [11] [12]
• Sexual intercourse and associated activities are aspects of many mood repair strategies, which means they can be used to help dissipate feelings of sadness and depression [13]
• Helps you look 4 – 7 years younger and these benefits are directly related to the benefits of sex – stress reduction, greater contentment and improved sleep – all prompted by sex. [14] [15]

Knowing these, then delay reaping these benefits till after marriage? Why wait?

Tgirl4real:
Conclusion: Sexual morality is not about how long you wait. It is about how you treat people and the people you are with. Instead of deceiving ourselves into thinking that waiting until marriage makes sex ‘good’, we should focus on how to be, and demonstrate ethical and responsible sexual practices, which include taking the necessary precautions to protect the physical and mental well being of ourselves and our partner. Having sex that is consensual, and focused on mutual pleasure, are part of being an ethical and responsible human being.

Thank You.

ayobase: I am simply saying that premarital sex shouldn’t be encouraged since it won’t certainly guarantee marital longevity. Some that were involved have broken up. it is not a visa for long term marriage.