Chelcy:
Men are like…..Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they
are.
Of course women don’t work as hard as men…
They get it right the first time.

What do you call a man that lost all of
his intelligence?
A widow.

How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.

Why do men need sports action replays 30 seconds after the event?
Because they’ve forgotten what
happened.

What do you instantly know about a
well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Why did God create man first?
Because he needed a rough working
model before creating the perfect
specimen of the species.

What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn’t hold the pillow down long
enough.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

What is the one thing that all men at
singles bars have in common?
They’re married.

What is the difference between men and
women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her
every need. A man wants every woman
to satisfy his one need.

What’s the smartest thing a man can
say?
“My wife says….”

Why do female black widow spiders
kill the males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to
fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for
directions.

Men are like…..Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like…..Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time
to get hard.

Men are like…..Snowstorms.
You never know when he’s coming, how
many inches you’ll get or how long he
will last.

Men are like…..Lawn Mowers.
If you’re not pushing one around, then
you’re riding it.

Why did god invent men?
Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.

How many men does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
One … men will screw anything.

What’s a man’s idea of pre-intimacy?
A half hour of begging.

An english professor wrote up on the
board “woman without her man is
nothing” and told his students to
punctuate it.
The males in the class wrote “Woman,
without her man, is nothing.”
The Females wrote “Woman! Without
her, man is nothing.”
“Men are like fine wine. They all start
out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp
on them and keep them in the dark
until they mature into something you’d
like to have dinner with.”

There were three guys talking in the
pub. Two of them are talking about the
amount of control they have over their
wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns
to the third and says, “Well, what about
you, what sort of control do you have
over your wife?”
The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. Just
the other night my wife came to me on
her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed. “What
happened then?” they asked. “She said,
‘get out from under the bed and fight
like a man’.”

A man rubbed a lamp and a genie came
out. The man asked to be stronger than
any other man. He was given the
strength to crush bolders.
He asked for the worlds fastest sports
car and a ferrari appeared in front of
him. He then asked to be smarter than
any other every man on the earth. He
was turned into a woman.


Why Men Are Like Computers:
10. They have a lot of data but are still
clueless.

9. A better model is always just around
the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you
bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a
backup.

6. They’ll do whatever you say if you
push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is
the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you
have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for
the night.

1. Size does matter.