I have always wondered about the sense behind this notion of no h-sex before marriage.
Personally, I have had some experiences that really changed my view of the idea. I know it's mostly a religious issue/idea.
But it's totally absurd.

First, their is something we called Sex-Compatibility. It's just natural. It's a chemistry. You can't deny it.
I have been with a lady, we loved each other, did many things together, but when it comes to sex, OMG, it was a disaster. We just didn't clicked, no matter how hard we tried. Now, I was thinking if I had gone ahead and follow this idea of no sex before marriage, I am pretty sure the marriage would have collapsed by now.

By first finding out about our sexual incompatibility, we saved ourselves for a life long frustration and unhappiness.

I am not in any way suggesting that we should start h-fucking around, but let's just be realistic. I think sex is very important in a relationship/marriage.

This particular issue has been causing a lot of damages to marriages across the world.

I stumbled on this story, please read and let us know what you think about it.

I was 14 years old when I married Jesus. Not 'Jesus,' the Panamanian who worked at Six Flags. I mean Jesus Christ, the 'Lord.'



My parents sent me off to Baptist youth camp in Panama City Beach for the week, and I came home with a tan and a purity ring. I sat with my legs crossed, cramped in a theater with 200 sweaty, sobbing teens as our pastor described the unwavering bonds of sex and why it should only be experienced within the confines of marriage.

The lyrics echoed in the background as he shouted about STDs and unplanned pregnancy from the pulpit.



Cause I am waiting for you, praying for you darling, wait for me too, wait for me as I wait for you. One by one we each placed a ring on our fourth finger and made vows to an apparently bi-curious Jesus who took teenage husbands and wives by the dozen that night.

I didn’t buy into a word of it. Jesus as my husband: Were they kidding? But that ring!



Silver and engraved with entwined hearts - everyone I knew was wearing one and I’d finally been given the opportunity to get my hands on it. And it wasn’t just the ring. This was a movement with T-shirts and hats and the added bonus of superiority over kids in school who couldn’t keep their clothes on, those sinners.



After an intense and very detailed sex talk with my mother , where she stuttered and I blushed and we both used the word “flower,” I was terrified of sex.



That and the slide show in sex didn’t help one bit. So I scribbled Jesus + Jess on my Bible cover, and I casually mentioned my virginity in daily conversations. I committed to the idea hoping it would ensure a successful marriage. Instead, it led to my divorce.

I don’t know many people these days who married still a virgin. But going to high school in the furniture capital of North Carolina, it didn’t seem so strange that I wore an engagement ring at the age of 19. People admired my decision to marry my college sweetheart and were enthusiastic about my goal of waiting until marriage to have sex. (He actually wasn’t a virgin, but he was willing to wait for me.)



Over time, I’d watched my brothers and sisters in Christ lose sight of their celibacy around the time they felt the pull of raging hormones combined with slots of unsupervised co-ed time.



But I pressed on in stubbornness until finally, the time had come to replace Jesus as my other half. Twenty may sound early to get married, but tell that to the girl who had her knees locked since puberty and the boy who spent years trying to convince her that just the tip didn’t count.

The morning of my wedding day, I threw up. Everyone assumed that I was nervous about having sex. I wasn’t. But it dawned on me how much we hadn’t learned yet about one another. We had known each other for three years by this point, but there was so much unexplored territory.



So what was I supposed to do when my “aha moment” came as a dress was heaved over my head by seven bridesmaids?



Plus, my mother had mentioned no less than 400 times, this wedding was costing them a fortune; I was getting married, there was no way out.

“I’ll give you a five-minute head start if you want to run,” my dad said with a half-smile as we walked up the aisle.

I held onto his arm tighter, afraid my legs might just take him up on that offer.

When I look back on my wedding day, I remember a passionate kiss at the altar. But after rewatching video footage, I see it was little more than a peck on the corner of my mouth and a long hug. Two years of halting wandering hands as they grazed under blue jeans, and the second we have the permission from God, we hug.



These are what red flags look like; my rearview mirror is lined with them.

Our wedding reception was filled with underage drinking and boys wearing their father’s suits. I danced to Top 40 with my friends; he got drunk in a corner with his. We met at the entrance of the country club just before midnight to be sent off through a sea of bubbles, to consummate our marriage.



There is nothing that can kill a mood faster than my Colombian grandfather knowingly winking at the man I was about to sleep with. Except for maybe the dashboard covered in condoms, a send-off gift from my new husband’s grooms boys.

He carried me through the door of the hotel room and immediately placed me down in a chair. If my 120-pound body wasn’t too heavy, the 30-pound dress covering it was. Rose petals were scattered on the bed surrounded by a dozen lit candles. I had never been more romanced and less interested in having sex.



Was I tired? Was I hungry? Shouldn’t we have been pouncing on each other? I slowly changed into an ivory silk nightgown.



When I came back into the bedroom, he was lying down, half undressed, completely hopeful.

“Are you not exhausted?” I yawned into a pillow. “Is having sex tomorrow an option?” I asked, only half-kidding.

“Really? You only get one wedding night, Jess.”

Even then, I doubted that would be true.

As he began to kiss me, my mind shut off. I felt his movements and I heard heavy breathing but I thought nothing, it was as if it was something that was happening next to me, or to someone else entirely. It didn’t hurt, I remember that much.



Three minutes later when he finished he appeared pleased with himself and I was glad that it was out of the way. I smiled and asked if we could get something to eat. My wedding day began with my face leaning over a toilet and ended in a Waffle House.

Then, as if Jesus were punishing me for moving on, I got a urinary tract infection on the second day of our honeymoon.



I sighed in relief when the doctor told me that I should not engage in any sexual activity until I had finished the antibiotics. Seven days later, my wifely duties resumed and almost every time our clothes came off, my mind seemed to check out.



I soon noticed that during those few-minute intervals of sex, my mind was focusing on something else, anything else.

“Do you like that?” he would ask after light repetitive movements.

“Yep,” I answered. Lettuce, milk, paper towels…

“Are you close?” he was anxious to know.

“Uh-huh,” I lied. Buy stamps, get my oil changed, send thank-you cards…

This was not lovemaking. There was no bond, no sanctity - this was not the amazing sex I was promised from the pulpit. This was disappointment three to four times a week.

Not long into our marriage, my mother coyly asked how it was going. I joked that there were some women who needed it and some who prioritized it underneath quilting. But I accepted sex as part of the gig and though it was regular, it was regularly awful for me. It wasn’t all his fault. I admit that I was not a willing student but he was no teacher, either.



Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle.



I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief.

Before we got married, I used to love kissing him. We would spend hours attached at the mouth because aside from occasional drunken pre-intimacy, it was all we had. In our marriage, we stopped kissing because who needs kissing when sex is on the table? Me, I did.

I needed assurance that some physical aspect of our relationship was working. And when I didn’t get that assurance I pinned it on myself. Maybe I was just that woman you hear about, who doesn’t particularly care for sex. She just slowly dries up until she dies alone. For months I believed that might be me and rather than try something different, he began to believe it too.

Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life.

Had we had sex before our relationship transitioned into a contract, I would have known that there was no passion, no spark, nothing happening between our bodies. I would never have agreed to marry him because sex is a significant part of a relationship and therefore a significant part of our relationship was failing.



With the failure of our sex life, I felt like less of a woman, no longer a sexual creature but more of a plant. Sitting there, day in, day out, wilting while I waited for someone to take care of me.

Without having sex before marriage, I blindly walked up an aisle and committed myself to a man who didn’t know me and gave my long-held virginity to someone with whom I had no more chemistry than a second cousin.

Soon after our divorce, he got remarried to someone who suits him better than I ever could have. And years later, I can confirm that I am not that woman who has no interest in sex. I don’t quilt.



I haven’t compiled a grocery list in bed in years, and I now know that sex can be amazing… with a bartender who only knows your first name, a pilot you meet on vacation in Costa Rica and yes, with the right guy - sex in a marriage can be beautiful.



The key is to figure that out before you find yourself walking down an aisle in a dress that costs more than the family car (my mother has since reminded me). It isn’t the most important thing when it comes to love.



But for me, I learned that sex is important enough not to wait.

Source: http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/mistic/religionsplanetearth60.htm

yes you have a point but I still feel such stories are just there to help us feel less guilty of things we shouldnt have done.

Hmmm!

This is kindda true though... I have always thought waiting till marriage was cool... mainly cos the bible said so but with this woman's real life tale, m having second thoughts... Now I think having sex with ur partner before marriage can help straighten things btwn d both of u and also make u understand how ur bodies work together... I am glad I came accross this thread... Virginity till marriage is not COMPULSORY but it's NECESSARY... M just really confuse now... I dnt wanna say d words of d scripture are wrong... Well, lemme jst say: God Take Control... Sexx is the most powerful element in marriage... Sexx can make u fall in love. Sexx can also make u fall out of love... Sexx is d pillar of a good relationship... I have always been against pre-marital sexx and I cant believe m kindda encouraging it... Well cos it ended bad for her doesnt mean it will also end bad for others... Again I say, God Take Control...

nekaa: yes you have a point but I still feel such stories are just there to help us feel less guilty of things we shouldnt have done.

Maybe, but if you know how many marriages have suffered total breakdown because of this ish, you'll be surprised.

Leyqute: Hmmm!

hope you took permission from miss Hmmm of nairaland b4 writing this..


on the topic, wat works for A might not work for B.. I will say if you wanna have sex with the person you love let it b with all sincerity..

Leyqute: Hmmm!

hope you took permission from miss Hmmm of nairaland b4 writing this..


on the topic, wat works for A might not work for B.. I will say if you wanna have sex with the person you love let it b with all sincerity.. don't just b sleeping around and b using this as an excuse.. pick your gal and b faithful to each other to d point of death. but I still think d writer doesn't love her husband that much she was pushed into that marriage..

martha: This is kindda true though... I have always thought waiting till marriage was cool... mainly cos the bible said so but with this woman's real life tale, m having second thoughts... Now I think having sex with ur partner before marriage can help straighten things btwn d both of u and also make u understand how ur bodies work together... I am glad I came accross this thread... Virginity till marriage is not COMPULSORY but it's NECESSARY... M just really confuse now... I dnt wanna say d words of d scripture are wrong... Well, lemme jst say: God Take Control... Sexx is the most powerful element in marriage... Sexx can make u fall in love. Sexx can also make u fall out of love... Sexx is d pillar of a good relationship... I have always been against pre-marital sexx and I cant believe m kindda encouraging it... Well cos it ended bad for her doesnt mean it will also end bad for others... Again I say, God Take Control...

Miss Hmmm of nairaland. wat happened to her doesn't mean it will happen to u.. if u truly love ur man.. is a kind of mutual understanding and trust.. if ur man is sincere, you can have sex and still end up marrying and b happy or still divorce.. it depend on both of you.. wat u want and wat he wants.. am a man if I truly love a gal and we know we will marry there is nothing bad in me having sex with her.. but in ma heart I will know she is d one I will marry.. DAT means am true to masef. all that is there is just sincerity between two lovers.. you can surely have sex b4 marriage

kennypoka2:
Miss Hmmm of nairaland. wat happened to her doesn't mean it will happen to u.. if u truly love ur man.. is a kind of mutual understanding and trust.. if ur man is sincere, you can have sex and still end up marrying and b happy or still divorce.. it depend on both of you.. wat u want and wat he wants.. am a man if I truly love a gal and we know we will marry there is nothing bad in me having sex with her.. but in ma heart I will know she is d one I will marry.. DAT means am true to masef. all that is there is just sincerity between two lovers.. you can surely have sex b4 marriage

Ok oooooo

I would be very scared to marry a lady without she knowing of my sexualized nature....I got a high libido and it wouldn't be compatible to get someone who ain't into stuffs I enjoy. Taste before buying to avoid "had I known".
Just my two cents

Sex is too important not to wait I like that it was on nairaland that someone said he met his wife a virgin but after three years, they divorced because the wife was lousy in bed, very lousy. I'm not an advocate of premarital sex. This story is already changing the mind of young girls like Martha. That's the essence of this story, do you think they would have divorce If they have improved on their compatibility If sex determines compatibility, what are sex therapist there for, with determination and with help of therapist, every couple can always improve on their sex life, whether married virgins or not.
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LAsT BULLET;[ don't let this story lead you to premarital sex unless you want to, gullible ones will let themselves wallow in immorality because of this story, watch and pray, less you run into temptation.

Les: Sex is too important not to wait I like that it was on nairaland that someone said he met his wife a virgin but after three years, they divorced because the wife was lousy in bed, very lousy. I'm not an advocate of premarital sex. This story is already changing the mind of young girls like Martha. That's the essence of this story, do you think they would have divorce If they have improved on their compatibility If sex determines compatibility, what are sex therapist there for, with determination and with help of therapist, every couple can always improve on their sex life, whether married virgins or not.
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LAsT BULLET;[ don't let this story lead you to premarital sex unless you want to, gullible ones will let themselves wallow in immorality because of this story, watch and pray, less you run into temptation.

GBAMMEST!!
God that said no to pre marital sex knows what He's saying. we shouldn't in anyway right what God has said is wrong. i know i also failed in that aspect but should i start advocating for it hell no. to each is own but lets not right what is wrong.

martha: This is kindda true though... I have always thought waiting till marriage was cool... mainly cos the bible said so but with this woman's real life tale, m having second thoughts... Now I think having sex with ur partner before marriage can help straighten things btwn d both of u and also make u understand how ur bodies work together... I am glad I came accross this thread... Virginity till marriage is not COMPULSORY but it's NECESSARY... M just really confuse now... I dnt wanna say d words of d scripture are wrong... Well, lemme jst say: God Take Control... Sexx is the most powerful element in marriage... Sexx can make u fall in love. Sexx can also make u fall out of love... Sexx is d pillar of a good relationship... I have always been against pre-marital sexx and I cant believe m kindda encouraging it... Well cos it ended bad for her doesnt mean it will also end bad for others... Again I say, God Take Control...

*singing* Jesus take the wheel

kennypoka2:
hope you took permission from miss Hmmm of nairaland b4 writing this..

Ohun ti o ba wu elenu lo le f'enu e so.
Na me get my TB (n0t MB)

Wow...

Sex before marriage crew, can you advice your teenage kids to have s.ex before they marry? Tell yourself the truth. If you can't, you are suffering from self-deceit! Many marriages have broken even with this over-hyped pre-marital se.x. Stop boring us plz!

'Nice' story. When is the 'I dont believe in God anymore' part coming out?

And being sexually compatible in marriage involves a lot of communication and feedback. Couples may just not 'gel' immediately. There may be friction initially but afterwards they will have been shaped well enough to fit each other perfectly.
It was very obvious from the story the husband was open-minded and willing enough to ask her questions while she delibrately shut-off and lay there doing mind games with groceries. She found it hard to talk about sex with her own husband but lied instead? Who ended up loosing? Sex and communication go hand in hand.
Anyone who decides to engage in pre-marital sex because of some flimsy reason of sexual compatibility is only looking for excuse.

firstly i need someone to give me reasons why i should get married,secondly this whole thing sounds scarery,sex freaks me out,marriage the hell freaks me more out,giving birth to children sicknening infact your story was more creepy

Did u guys notice that the wife never spoke to her husband about how she felt?
I think the bad sex was just a secondary problem caused primarily by lack of communication before n during the marriage. There is an option called "working it out together" but I guess the bad teacher n the unwilling student didn't know. That's what I learnt. Thank u.

i guess it was just a 'mind thing' for the girl and the guy was kinda 'selfish'...

Sex is just one aspect when you talk about compatibility. And you can't find a partner that both of you are compatible in all aspect. I believe God made it so, because marriage is more spiritual than it is physical, God expects our marital relationship to exhibit the kind of love he has for us (unconditional).

So we are to approach marriage by faith, trusting God for the weaknesses of our spouse and not loving them any less or think otherwise when we find them wanting. But to appreciate and trust God who is able to make bitter waters sweet.

Sex is just one aspect when you talk about compatibility. And you can't find a partner that both of you are compatible in all aspect. I believe God made it so, because marriage is more spiritual than it is physical, God expects our marital relationship to exhibit the kind of love he has for us (unconditional).

So we are to approach marriage by faith, trusting God for the weaknesses of our spouse and not loving them any less or think otherwise when we find them wanting. But to appreciate and trust God who is able to make bitter waters sweet.[color=#006600][/color]

most of us tok as if we are wiser dan God. if u want pre marital sex,go ahead bt stop dragging d gullible ones into it. u might do it n go free, anoda will try n regret it.

When a couple decides to love each oda 4rm dia hearts,d can work out every issue affecting dem.

i jus got married 2 my wife dat is a virgin. during courtship, we agreed nt to do it n we kept it. on our wedding nite,it was difficult at first bt afta enduring d initial pain of being a virgin,it became enjoyabable.

i hav moulded her into a sex queen,she nw rocks like a pro even beta dan some of my ex babes who got spoilt from birth n i'm so hapi.

premarital sex is neva an excuse,!u can teach anybody hw to be super in bed except dia is no love between d two which is a different thing.

People who have great sex divorce.

How do we even know that the story is true? She had doubts even before she got married. She is just an unsmart human being. She married someone she knew for three years but could not be attracted to enough to even want the sex on their wedding night?

martha: This is kindda true though... I have always thought waiting till marriage was cool... mainly cos the bible said so but with this woman's real life tale, m having second thoughts... Now I think having sex with ur partner before marriage can help straighten things btwn d both of u and also make u understand how ur bodies work together... I am glad I came accross this thread... Virginity till marriage is not COMPULSORY but it's NECESSARY... M just really confuse now... I dnt wanna say d words of d scripture are wrong... Well, lemme jst say: God Take Control... Sexx is the most powerful element in marriage... Sexx can make u fall in love. Sexx can also make u fall out of love... Sexx is d pillar of a good relationship... I have always been against pre-marital sexx and I cant believe m kindda encouraging it... Well cos it ended bad for her doesnt mean it will also end bad for others... Again I say, God Take Control...

sex is only a part of marriage, you can have awesome sex but be in a horrible union. Truth is marriage is constant work, great sex or not, you have to work at to make it work.

Sex wasn't this womans problem, did she love the guy really before marriage, did she really know him, did they know each other? Or were they just hanging out till marriage? Attraction kick starts a relationship but commitment and constant and determined effort keeps the relationship going.

sex is only one aspect of marriage, if the other areas are lacking, there will still be a problem.

I support sex before marriage though, I just dnt think only great sex is the ingredient for great marriage.