Time to again write,
But I can’t, because I can’t think right.
I’m blue and all sad
Three years relationship suddenly went bad
Thought they said absence makes the heart grow fonder
Why tis never the same for me leaves me to nothing but ponder
I loved her
She knew it; I treated her like my Ma.
Her excuse “CB, you love me too much”
Now doesn’t every girl pray for such?
A man who would do anything for you,
Wouldn’t play around with ya heart, still and even after vowing “I do”
This is a girl I woulda loved to marry
Pity she couldn’t for just 6 months tarry.
I called her everyday
I know tis not the same staying with her all the way
But I have my obligations
It’s something that calls for no negotiations
She knows it
I too know it, we agreed on it.
Made our promises to each other as I departed
It’s barely 3 months and from the promises she’s parted
It’s hard for her, I know that,
But hey, I wasn’t too having it easy my own part.
Whoever said “what men can do;
Women can even beta do”
Maybe I really loved her much
Maybe I shoulda played around with her, act all tough, and other girls watch.
I keep wondering, does it mean all these time she never loved me?
Tis not fair, why lead me on all these years, she shoulda let me be.
But she’s gone
Am I done?
Can I love again?
Can I bear another pain?
I can’t see answers
But I see flowers
They still look beautiful and they bloom,
I’ll be a groom
“The beautiful ones are not yet born”
I know, may be they’ll come when am all old, ragged and torn
While I wait, I guess ….ha ha ha I’ll watch me some porn.
Don’t mind me, just kidding, that was a sad laugh,
I’ll sit up, get up, go out and search me my better half
Why call it “Heart Break”, I feel as if every part of me is broken, but I’m a survivor
Am I not a man, descendant of King Solomon, the woman predator, full of favor?
I’ll hunt me down a lady
Who’ll treat me like a baby.

Sorry, man. _{But you are not a baby now}

is it me or does the 'poem' feel too personal
personal as in too much emotions from the writer

cbase if this is ur personal story then u on the righ track
except u looking for one that will treat u like a baby means u narrowing down ur spectrum by a huge degree

just my thoughts. . . . .

bluespice:

except u looking for one that will treat u like a baby means u narrowing down ur spectrum by a huge degree

just my thoughts. . . . .

I appreciate ur thoughts on the poem, Blue, yeah tis personal sort of, pls tell me more what u mean by the quote above

wat i simply meant was looking specifically for someone to treat u like a baby will automatically mean there will be less people u will see as potential dates,

I dunno can you try on not focusing to rhyme too much because it begins to read like nursery rhyme as opposed to a poem. I liked the idea behind it but realistically I don't want to treat a man like a baby.

U know what they say "when love flies through the window. . . .

when love flies thru the window,,

U fly out after it, Get it or Get another

@cbase

you have to re-write this. It's great and very emotional, but it gets so personal that your readers start to get out of touch.

You force some rhymes too. You don't have to force a rhyme. You can use rhythm or meaning too to link the couplets in your verses.


Don't put too much emphasis on rhyming. If I may use the example of two poets in the Hip Hop genre, Tupac used more of rhythm and meaning to link his lines while Biggy concentrated more on rhymes. Most people believed Tupac to be a better poet because rhyming is just 1 tool in poetry. Don't lean on it too much.

@ Nex

Thanks Nex, your a great Guy, I guess by now, u've read what I said to you on your anthropology  thing,
thanks for the criticism, I guess I've to go back and Improve,
Yes and I always tot 2pac was a beta Poet.
though when i was writing that, All I had in mind was "Rhymes"
but I guess, now I'll keep an Open Mind.
Check out my newest addition to the Thread, I don't know whether it's a write up, a poem or whateva, check it out and pls get back to me Ok?
I appreciate.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-317646.0.html

then this
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-318524.0.html#msg4471340