When you hear "marriage is hard work" - believe it!

But when you add the challenge of marriage to interfering in-laws, such interference can shake the very foundation of a new marriage. If you ask a young married couple to identify one of the biggest challenges in their marriage, many will say "family interference". Marriage counselors and therapists found around ten percent of couples seeking counseling (only to divorce later) blamed family interference as one of the major reasons for the breakdown of their marriage, particularly if in-laws live in the home of the new couple, for extended periods of time.

Some in-laws find it difficult to accept the changing roles of parent-child to the husband-wife relationship. Feeling abandoned, ignored or threatened, they may even use coercion and manipulation as a way of regaining their position - their role. Other in-laws may be offended, if their "good advice" is rejected. Some interpret it as a sign of disrespect and are quick to remind the young couple that "children" obey their parents. The couple, however, resents the "meddling" and present a united front in the face of interfering relatives. But sometimes one spouse will side with his or her parent/s, thereby weakening the marital bond or eventually breaking it.

In-laws and extended family provide the new couple with stability and support. However, boundaries must be clearly understood, if the couple desires a peaceful co-existence with their mutual in-laws and their extended families. Communication is key.

Remember:

1. You are entitled to a peaceful life. Your in-laws deserve respect, but if their behavior is ugly or totally inappropriate, they aren't entitled to any sort of special privilege but you're certainly entitled to protect yourself and your marriage, and keep strong boundaries.

2. Some in-laws are very wicked. They will say and do whatever they want, if you allow them to do so but, never stoop down to their level.

3. Try having a heart-to-heart talk with your in-laws. Pick your moment carefully. Get your spouse's support beforehand. If in-laws are making your life miserable, what do you have to lose?

4. You can't change others, only your reaction to what they say to you or how they treat you. Call them on their ugly behavior. Stop making excuses for your in-laws' actions. Establish clear and concise boundaries, along with appropriate consequences, if those boundaries are broken, so there won't be any misunderstandings and, follow through. This is not the time to be wishy-washy.

5. Support and protect your spouse. Your in-laws are vital support systems but specific boundaries must be established, with your spouse, if joy and peace are to reign in your marital home.

6. If it's possible, be kind and pleasant to in-laws who over-do or over-advise (interfere). They may be truly clueless about how their negative behavior is impacting your marriage. Sit them down and communicate your concerns sans dramatics.

If you've been the target of interfering in-laws, how did you survive - emotionally and physically intact?

Or...are you still down in the trenches - battling it out?

If no more fight is in you, have you just accepted your fate, determined to make the best of it and resigned yourself to a life of unhappiness?

For those with wonderful in-laws - consider yourself blessed a thousand times over.

zboyd:
When you hear "marriage is hard work" - believe it!

But when you add the challenge of marriage to interfering in-laws, such interference can shake the very foundation of a new marriage. If you ask a young married couple to identify one of the biggest challenges in their marriage, many will say "family interference". Marriage counselors and therapists found around ten percent of couples seeking counseling (only to divorce later) blamed family interference as one of the major reasons for the breakdown of their marriage, particularly if in-laws live in the home of the new couple, for extended periods of time.

Some in-laws find it difficult to accept the changing roles of parent-child to the husband-wife relationship. Feeling abandoned, ignored or threatened, they may even use coercion and manipulation as a way of regaining their position - their role. Other in-laws may be offended, if their "good advice" is rejected. Some interpret it as a sign of disrespect and are quick to remind the young couple that "children" obey their parents. The couple, however, resents the "meddling" and present a united front in the face of interfering relatives. But sometimes one spouse will side with his or her parent/s, thereby weakening the marital bond or eventually breaking it.

In-laws and extended family provide the new couple with stability and support. However, boundaries must be clearly understood, if the couple desires a peaceful co-existence with their mutual in-laws and their extended families. Communication is key.

Remember:

1. You are entitled to a peaceful life. Your in-laws deserve respect, but if their behavior is ugly or totally inappropriate, they aren't entitled to any sort of special privilege but you're certainly entitled to protect yourself and your marriage, and keep strong boundaries.

2. Some in-laws are very wicked. They will say and do whatever they want, if you allow them to do so but, never stoop down to their level.

3. Try having a heart-to-heart talk with your in-laws. Pick your moment carefully. Get your spouse's support beforehand. If in-laws are making your life miserable, what do you have to lose?

4. You can't change others, only your reaction to what they say to you or how they treat you. Call them on their ugly behavior. Stop making excuses for your in-laws' actions. Establish clear and concise boundaries, along with appropriate consequences, if those boundaries are broken, so there won't be any misunderstandings and, follow through. This is not the time to be wishy-washy.

5. Support and protect your spouse. Your in-laws are vital support systems but specific boundaries must be established, with your spouse, if joy and peace are to reign in your marital home.

6. If it's possible, be kind and pleasant to in-laws who over-do or over-advise (interfere). They may be truly clueless about how their negative behavior is impacting your marriage. Sit them down and communicate your concerns sans dramatics.

If you've been the target of interfering in-laws, how did you survive - emotionally and physically intact?

Or...are you still down in the trenches - battling it out?

If no more fight is in you, have you just accepted your fate, determined to make the best of it and resigned yourself to a life of unhappiness?

For those with wonderful in-laws - consider yourself blessed a thousand times over.

I still don't understand why this thread didn't make front page. But if it's how Buhari is a failure and Atiku is our savior the mods would be quick to push it to front page. Smh.

My father always allowed extended family to interfere with his marriage and our family - he would sit back while they insulted us even as children - and paid the price for it.

I personally don't see the point of bothering to get married if you aren't going to put your spouse and your new family first. You are absolutely write OP.

I don't get it when couple complain of interference from in-laws. I know it happens. I've seen case of it happening and I still don't get it.

Any male who wants to get married and has not asserted his independence from his family even before he gets a girl he wants to get married to is going to have his parents and family butting in.

Any female who hasn't shown her family her willingness to make and learn from her own mistakes without running to dad and mum is inviting multiple other parties into her bed.

Maybe I was just lucky. Maybe I was blesses with parents who had respect for thenselves and for their roles as parents and so have never, NEVER, not once ever butted in to tell me how to run my family. Or maybe it is because while I was still dating my Lady anytime they "gave advice" or spoke their opinions, they could see I listened but would never discuss my relationship with them.

Maybe my Lady was lucky to be blessed with a mother (dad was late) who let her children find their own way in life but would be there whenever they needed her. Or maybe my Lady had made it clear from her teenage years that she had a mind and will of her own and would bode no bullying or manipulation.

Either way, when boundries are made clear from the get go, only demonic in-laws would seek to exceed their boundries.

For me, I may have 99 problems but sure as heck, in-laws ain't one.