---

We were all young and foolish
once. One must be young and
foolish before one can be old and
wise. But hopefully most of us
have only fond memories and a
few war stories from that era in
our lives. Nothing too permanent
or concrete. That is not the case
for Miley Cyrus, unfortunately.
She's just gotten a tattoo,
something of a memorial to her
recently deceased dog Floyd, that
I'm afraid she'll come to regret.
Fashion Trade Show
Local.com
Not the dog part, necessarily.
Sure, her grief over the dog's
passing will lessen and lessen as
the years go by, and eventually
she will just remember him as a
nice dog she had once, so maybe
a tattoo memorial is a little
grandiose. But mostly that's fine.
If it's part of her grieving process,
then I hope it helps.
SEE MORE: 17 Real-Life Couples
and Their On-Screen Chemistry
The trouble is what the tattoo
says. See, there's a speech bubble
coming out of the dog's mouth
and the dog is saying, "With a
little help from my fwends." Yes,
"fwends." As in a jokey baby-talk
way to say the word "friends."
This is, undoubtedly, an inside
joke between Cyrus and some
friends, excuse me, fwends, and
as we all know, nothing is more
enduring than an inside joke. Just
kidding, nearly everything is more
enduring than little passing jokes
shared between friends.
Especially ones that involve saying
a word in a funny way. Miley and
her pals will have forgotten all
about this little joke by
Thanksgiving, is my guess, and
yet there the word will be, right
there on her torso.
And then, for the rest of her life,
she will have to explain it. When
she is in her 30s and trying on
her wedding dress, a woman
with pins in her mouth looking
quizzically at it, Miley smiling and
saying, "Oh, it's a joke. It's
fwends? Like friends?" Miley at
40, her son pointing at the tattoo
poking out from her bathing suit
top, Miley having to say, "It says
fwends, Braydon. Like friends?
It's a joke I used to make when I
was younger." Miley Cyrus at 55,
an empty nester all of a sudden,
getting back on the dating scene
after her divorce. Things
escalating with the nice lawyer
her friend Barbara set her up
with, making out like a teenager
for the first time in many years,
then having to sigh and explain
to her date, "Oh, it says fwends. It
was a thing we used to say, back
in 2014 I think. Who knows. We
were young and silly." Miley at 80,
in her assisted-living facility, a
nurse helping her dress for the
lawyer's funeral, her husband of
25 years. The nurse saying, "Now
what's this you've got here Miss
Miley? Fw-" "Yes, dear, it says
fwends. I got that long before
you were even born. It says
fwends." Miley at 100, no longer
living, a mortician gazing at the
tattoo, sounding out the word
before shrugging and covering it
up with spray-on makeup. And
then, Miley in eternity, Miley
skipping through the cosmos
with the rest of our souls, awash
in starlight and mystery, the
infinity asking what it all means
and Miley telling the infinity, "It
was just this weird way we said
'friends.' You know, fwends. It
was funny. A long time ago, so
very long ago."
SEE MORE: The Most Adorable
Pictures of Prince George
At least she won't be alone on
this journey. Two of her fwends
also got the exact same tattoo.
And one of them has absolutely
no excuse. Because he is Wayne
Coyne, of the Flaming Lips, and he
is 53 years old. So he has zero
business getting an inside-joke
tattoo that he will later come to
regret. He should be past the age
of mistakes like that. And yet,
there he is. And there his
girlfriend is. Standing with Miley,
the three of them fwends, bound
together forever. In a million
years when the aliens find
evidence of these photos they will
find no real way to translate this
mysterious word. Its meaning
finally gone for good, like a dog
you once knew, a long time ago,
who left one day and never came
back.