Ahhh...I see the fxck-up fairy has visited us again...

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

"This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting" (sounds kind of like my school)
"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid"

those are my favorites 

The third one you choose is my favorite. The rest just made me giggle. Buit i decided to post them all up anyways.

Its my favorite as well.  I might use it on someone soon...(but i pray my teeth don't reduce by 1) 

I love these! Here are some more:

Make yourself at home, clean up my kitchen.
You! Out of this planet!
Are those your eyes? I found them in my cleavage.
He's not really sick, he's just been in a really bad mood all his life
Your perfume smells nice. Must you marinate in it?
Your dress is alright, its just your personality that sucks.