cococandy: Well what's wrong with what she said?

TV01:

Clanger alert !

Lottie how far? Just figured out it's you. I liked your old handle jor.

The prevailing notion is "the victim is never to be blamed - in whole or in part - ever". It's PC orthodoxy. It's good as far as it goes, but it does present a dilemma of sorts - in some instances.

To claim it as stated means that women are not responsible for even their own choices. Which is probably what prompted the lady' remarks. There was a thread here a while back about "abuse". It was over a 100 pages.

One poster wrote about her serially dating "abusive men", but was very clear that no one should "blame" her. And of course, no one is blaming her for the "abuse", but one must question her "choices", emotional intelligence and maturity. But even that is off-limits according to the above mantra.

The truth is that if many women were more discerning, savvy and with higher expectations, many instances of abuse situations would never happen and many others would be stopped earlier. But it's simply not PC to say so.

This is what I reckon the lady in the OP probably meant, especially given the high level of support available to those in abusive situations in Sweden.

How's Oga?


TV

cococandy: Of course I understand tha's what she meant too.
Just that it is easy to quote her out of context.

Erm we are fine thanks.
My old handle had some issues after the hurricane.

TV01:
I agree. The title was a bit misleading, but her utterances are very clear - and sensible IMHO. But she has blashpemed against the prevailing orthodoxy. She will be excommunicated if she doesn't repent with sackcloth and ashes. The fact that it somehow suggests that women are mindless creatures who need protection from themselves is besides the point.
TV

alutacontinua: I have a strong feeling that I'll need my mat on this thread.

cococandy: Shift for me joor.

sailormoon: Simply packing up and leaving and or/reporting seems, on the surface, like the obvious choice, but consider the fact that often, victims are threatened by their abusers when attempting to do so, so it really isn't that easy and 'all you have to do'.

alutacontinua: I have a strong feeling that I'll need my mat on this thread.

bukatyne: While the woman in the OP is right, it is not clearly black and white but then again, she is talking based on her society

armyofone: True....I think America is the only country with a good strong support system for battered women.

coogar:
america?
support system in europe is stronger particularly in the UK. ask yourself why UK is the divorce capital of the world?

armyofone: So what number do they dial for cops to show up?

God bless the monarch!

I hope Naija ladies in UK are utilizing it

armyofone: True....I think America is the only country with a good strong support system for battered women.

bukatyne:

The only time everyone advices a battered woman to leave or seperate temporarily is when she's in the grave.

Our society sees nothing in it no matter the seemingly public outcry against it

cococandy: I still think the Nigerian woman owes it to herself to take the bulls by the horn and walk when she is being maltreated.
Granted that she won't get divorce settlement and child care allowances like her mates in the overseas,but if more women stood up to nonsense more and more,it will set trend that discourages up-coming females from seeing themselves as helpless victims who can't take care of themselves.


Which leaves me to wonder. Are there no female law makers in Nigeria? How they don't see this issue as one to be addressed is beyond me.
If these serial abusers have to be responsible for their kids and settle their spouses in cases of divorce caused by abuse,they'll think well before battering their wives.

bukatyne: Cococandy,

If a woman grew up in a home where her father battered her mother and they still came out to say they are 'happily' married, why do you think she will see a battering fiancee as evil?

Until we overhaul the whole system and people have worthy examples at home not 'my parents have been married for donkey years', the problem just started.