Manchester United have confirmed long-held suspicions that new signing Radamel Falcao is 'allergic' to Champions League football.
The Colombian striker joined the Red Devils on a year-long loan after receiving assurances from the club that he would not be subjected to European club football's elite competition this campaign.
A United spokesperson said: " Manchester Unitedare delighted to announce that Radamel Falcaohas joined the club in not playing in the Champions Leaguethis season.
"The deal was completed late last night after delays caused by a medical examination that revealed the player has developed an allergy to UEFA's premier club competition.
"Fortunately we were able to offer him guarantees that United would not be taking part in the Champions League for the forseeable future, and a deal was struck thanks to that and the fact we're bunging him an obscene amount of cash every week."
Falcao had been desperate to leave Monacoafter realising he ran the risk of playing in the Champions League if he stayed with the French club.
Offers from Manchester Cityand Real Madridwere rebuffed by his representatives when they discovered both clubs would be competing in the tournament this year.
Despite scoring 104 goals in 139 games since moving to Europe in 2009, the 28-year-old has not played in UEFA's top competition since 2010, when his Portoteam lost 5-0 to Arsenal.
It is believed that being marked out of that game by 36-year-old former Notts Countydefender, Sol Campbell, left Falcao mentally scarred and with a deep aversion to the tournament.
After scoring 17 goals in just 14 Europa League games for Porto in 2011, Falcao signed for Atletico Madrid so that he could play Stromsgodset, Rennesand Vitoriade Guimares in the second string event.
When Atletico qualified for the Champions League in 2013, he quickly sealed a move to French Second Division champions Monaco, before heading for Old Trafford days after the now Ligue 1 side were drawn in Group C of the 2014/15 UCL.
The move to Manchester is initially for a 12-month loan period, but our source (ok, it's Fred the Red) confirms there is an option to buy should United miss out on the Premier Leaguetop four again.
DISCLAIMER: Like the previous 12 months at Manchester United, this is just a joke