At a press conference this morning, Facebook rolled out their new monthly service plan which begins November 1st of this year. The social media giant says they will start charging members $2.99/mo to use the services that the site has to offer.

“After thinking long and hard about this decision, at the end of the day, we were forced to add this monthly fee,” Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg told reporters. “If we don’t do something about our rising costs now, Facebook could cease to exist in the near future.”

“This is excellent news for Facebook stock holders,” says Wall Street analyst Dale Sackrider. “As of August this year, Facebook had a total of 1.317 billion users. If just 75% of those members pay the new monthly service fee of $3, that will mean an annual influx of cash totaling roughly $3 billion. That’s not just an increase in profits of a few dollars, that’s a game changer right there.”

In an interview with CNN, Facebook spokesman Paul Horner explained the reason for the new monthly fee.

“Economic times are tight, the ads on Facebook are not as profitable as we had planned. Our costs are going up as hundreds of thousands of individuals continue to join the site every day,” Horner said. “There’s so many pictures of cats, and all of those costs add up, we just can’t foot the bill any longer.”

Jack Phillips from Dequincy, Louisiana told reporters that he is not happy with the new monthly fee that will be implemented by Facebook.

“I can barely pay for all my online girly subscriptions right now as it is, and now this Zuckerberg character wants another $3 a month out of me? Well I don’t think so bud,” Phillips said. “There’s free news out there that I get all my learning from, like The Epoch Times. Those guys don’t spell that good and their grammar is real bad, but I like em’. They keep my brain smart and up to date with all the latest satire stories out there.” Phillips continued, “As for this monthly fee though, I do like using Facebook. That Farmville game on there cracks me up. Hey, look at me, I’m planting some carrots in a field around my kick *ss barn. My friends just love it when I contact them about planting my crops. They’re like, ‘Dangit Jack, you and your gosh darn crops’, I’ll tell you what.”

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group, says their business could not survive without Facebook.

“Charging people to use Facebook means there won’t be as many heathens on the site to help stay off the Devil’s playground. Personally, I like Facebook because it helps me promote my side business of making personalized video greetings. Those videos are good, clean fun for the whole family, and they also help pay for my anger management and sex offender classes. Praise Fappy!”

Horner told reporters of an option for those who can’t afford the new monthly fee. “Here at Facebook we value each and every one of our members. We do not want to see anyone delete their account just because they cannot afford the monthly fee,” Horner said. “For those who can’t manage the cost, we’ve made it real simple.

In a new status update, copy and paste the words, ‘I AM POOR FACEBOOK PLEASE WAVE MY MONTHLY FEE’. Make sure you include the hashtag #FacebookMonthlyFee. This will inform the Facebook billing department to wave any fees associated with your account. Unfortunately for free users, access to all Facebook games will no longer be available.” Horner continued, “There’s also a free option which will allow you access to your Facebook account for up to one hour a week, exceeding that will cost $0.49/minute. I think you can agree that it is extremely important to find the right Facebook plan for you!”

Move to FP

socisl website wey i no dey use b4...
i go com dey pay 1kb...lailai

They will lose not less than 70% of their members then which is bad for advertisers.

Time for me to leave Facebook lol

bayode1979: Move to FP

No source.

They are on there own.....an excuse to leave facebook for good.

Hope they'll be as silly as Whatsapp

Kirinwa:

No source.

check : http://goldmyne.tv/facebook-to-begin-charging-users-2-99monthly-starting-november-1st/

Who cares?

We go vamoose facebook be that, niyen.

Op If 75% of 1.3 billion users pay $3 monthly, how will they end up with $3billion annually?

FrancisTony: Who cares?

We go vamoose facebook be that, niyen.

fb go be like my 2go wen i nor know the location for my mobile sef..

besides..why did u change your sex to(f).you be transgender ni?

FrancisTony: Who cares?

We go vamoose facebook be that, niyen.

see as fb wan kill their market

It won't have much effect on africa, u knw the watsapp shit tuh

Hmmm
Deactivating mode .. ... 40%

Move on to twitter. Simple. Facebook died a long time to be honest.

Na fp material be this, make I shapaly book space

who cares,i just dey enter fb with no reason @times, 4k dem

This tym, children wil leave Facebook nd face their book for gud.

l laugh at them.

They would lose 80% of the 3rd world market.

Of, course I dont have business with Facebook except their constant notifications that disturb my phone...

$3 is greedy, they couldn't start with $1..

this plot is not for sale! stay off!

Kizmarty:


fb go be like my 2go wen i nor know the location for my mobile sef..

besides..why did u change your sex to(f).you be transgender ni?

Lol. I left 2go not long ago.

I had always been female. Just changed to (M) because I was getting incessant PM's from thirsty guys.

Wetin consine me with Facebook

FrancisTony:


Lol. I left 2go not long ago.

I had always been female. Just changed to (M) because I was getting incessant PM's from thirsty guys.

come...charlie no vex me oo

you've always been whaaaat?!
biko nu stop kidding be serious...

em missterious biko confirm this lie


those pics can't fool me sef

ladies would be like boo , i need to pay for facebook monthly fee
Facebook de mad ni na girls go pay as for me whatsapp does it better & faster

Satire

Kizmarty:

come...charlie no vex me oo

you've always been whaaaat?!
biko nu stop kidding be serious...

em missterious biko confirm this lie


those pics can't fool me sef

Lol.

missterious:

Lol.

why??

say something plz

People go run go 2go...

Provide link my brother if not...adonblivit

Kizmarty:

come...charlie no vex me oo

you've always been whaaaat?!
biko nu stop kidding be serious...

em missterious biko confirm this lie


those pics can't fool me sef

I am 'she'.

Ermm, I am married woman with a kid.

I have the activation code that will allow you to bypass this New Charging scheme,

it will be a one time charge of $10.

PM me