What do you do when your child tells you about some risky behaviors that a friend of theirs is engaging in, and you know the friend’s parents?

This is a question that terrifies many parents of teenagers. When one parent has an, “I know something you don’t know” piece of information, it can become a wedge in an otherwise beautiful friendship between two parents. The holder of this potential landmine of information may think, “I would want a parent or friend to tell me if my teen was engaging in risky behaviors.”

Say your teen comes to you with a story about a friend who got pretty drunk at a party. Feeling worried for their friend, they share this story with you. They feel uncomfortable and lack the experience and strategy to deal with it in an effective way. They don’t need your judgment; they need your help.

What happens is you go right into “the lecture:”

“You are not allowed to ever go to that house again! If I ever find out you have been drinking or taking drugs, you will be grounded. I don’t want you hanging out with those kids again, period”

After a speech like this, you can be assured that your teen will NEVER come to you again for help. They may even start seeing his or her friends without your knowledge or permission. If you immediately call the parent of the kid(s) they told you about, you can also be assured that your teen will NEVER come to you again for help.

As a parent faced with these scenario, what would be your advise?