Lionel Messi;
A Direct Descendant Of
Goliath The Philistine
Lionel Messi has been traced down the family
line of the same Philistine who fell to David's
sling in bible times; they both suffered the
same
growth problem but the outcome was
different for them. Also, this history exposes
why the link in the rivalry between David and
Goliath to
Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo
Genetics is a curious thing is it not? It is
amazing that physical and behavioral traits
can be passed from parents to offsprings. It
is an absolute miracle that some of these
traits can endure for generations. People
have been known
to have in common with their forebears of
several generations, such things as allergies,
talents and sexual habits.
The most unfortunate genes are those that
carry disease.Some diseases can be
hereditary. One such disease is the growth
disorder, ligo hat syndrome. Ligo hat
syndrome results in the
accelerated, excessive, slow or insufficient
growth of one or more body parts. The first
documented case of ligo hat syndrome dates
back to about 1060 BC. Its sufferer was a
ten-foot Philistine named Goliath.
Like all big, strong men of his time, Goliath
was a soldier and he participated in several
military campaigns for the Philistine army.
However, during times of peace, Goliath
dedicated his time
to pursuits of a more refined nature. In his
heart of hearts, the giant Philistine killing
machine was a hair technician/ scientist.
Goliath was a hair dresser, wig maker and
hair care product manufacturer and he is
believed to be the originator of the phrase
"yra iha adbd" which in English translates to
'' bad hair day.''
Goliath married a Roman immigrant named
Laila and together they had a son who they
named
Galut. After Goliath’s death from a blunt-
trauma-induced brain hemorrhage,
ownership of Goliath Hair Care Inc.
transferred to Galut, but
wealth was not the only thing Goliath
transferred to his son. Galut inherited ligo
hat syndrome from his father and he
suffered from excessive hair growth- he was
shaving by age nine. By the time Galut
bankrupted the family business and went to
live with his maternal grandparents in Rome,
he had fathered
five kids from two marriages and one late
night kebab club bathroom rendezvous.
After Galut’s relocation, the Goliath family
lineage trail goes cold. It is as if Goliath’s five
ligo hat suffering grandchildren disappeared
into thin air. It was not until the discovery of
the Crixan scrolls in 1326 BC that the fate of
the
Goliath family was finally discovered.
Discovered buried underground in the
outskirts of Rome by a farmer named Crixus,
the scrolls were the
personal documents- tax receipts, business
papers, family records- of a deceased Roman
business man by the name of Titus
Battaglius.
The scrolls included a family tree which
revealed that Titus was a descendant of
Goliath the Philistine. Researchers using
recently translated
Roman tax and population census records
have
traced Titus’ lineage from ancient times till
now.
Their findings are truly intriguing.
Titus Battaglius was a slave trader whose
business headquarters was located in Sicily.
His
children and his children’s children were
slave
traders after him. Their children and their
children’s children were head hunters. In the
late
1800s, history repeated itself. Like their
forefather, Galut before them, the managers
of
The Battaglius Head Hunting Agency wrecked
the
family business. Looking to make a fresh
start, a
clutch of them joined the Great European
Immigration Wave to Argentina and settled
in
the country’s capital, Beunos Aires.
Till this day, Goliath’s descendants live all over
Argentina. One of these descendants is a
Santa
Fe born, 5ft 9 Italo Argentine football genius
named Lionel Messi. Messi is short in the
same
way his ancestor, Goliath was tall. Due to his
lack of height, Lionel Messi will never slam
dunk
a basketball and he will never buy clothes
anywhere besides Baby Gap. However his
low
center of gravity gives him perfect balance
that
allows him to play with a coordination and
grace
rarely seen in world football today.
Ligo hat syndrome is responsible for Lionel
Messi’s vertical underdevelopmen t. Several
of his
relatives also suffer from the disease. His
cousin
is the famous Latin American pornographic
performer, Cojones Gigantes who boasts a
twenty-nine inch penis. His uncle is the
famous
late bloomer, Luis Alejandro Sebastien
Martino
Ricardo Alberto Romario Cevallos who did
not
hit puberty till the age of forty-seven.
Goliath famously had a fatal altercation with
a
Hebrew goatherd named David and Lionel
Messi’s inability to get along with people
named
David is well documented. From his
incompatibility with Barcelona team mate,
David
Villa to his enmity with rivals Cristiano David
Ronaldo and Lima David Fereira a.k.a Pepe,
the
facts s

were wo lo ko kini yi?

This sh*t just didn't make sense, many contradiction and lie lie lie, Goliath tall, Messi short and would av been a dwarf, Messi did not even look like a Palestinian, David villa and Messi are pal, he never had problem with Christiano, its Christiano that have problem with him (may be he is the Goliath you are talking about, this is by the way sha) after all this trouble you undergo to put this crap, does make Goliath a devil? Why this hatred to Messi. This the kind of stuff that makes fp.
Anyway, i need to be in fp too. Oyana