cococandy: We can change this stereotype by teaching our boys right.

TV01:
Only, it's not the boys that are perpetuating or the cause of the stereotype is it?
TV

cococandy:
They lay the foundation for it.

cococandy:
How many boys report sexxual abuse from older females? That's why the news is everywhere about male molesters but little about female molesters.

cococandy:
Because most parents spend so much energy giving daughters sex education that they don't give sons.
So to the little boys,it's no biggie

cococandy:
Older guys act like sexing a woman is an achievement. Hence they brag about their conquests. Inadvertently making any woman around them to feel that the most important thing in men's life is sex.

cococandy:
Some will go the length of the earth for sex.

cococandy:
Do you then wonder why women are subconsciously careful or wary with their daughters around male folks.even when they have no reason to distrust him.

beeevan: I have no daughter but you can't take my sons out of my sight when they were younger whether male or female . Now they can recount anything said or done to them but yet, am still very protective.

I won't let any dude play with my female toddler out of sight , i don't care if he is a molester or not. Even relatives aren't left out, i don't care whose emotion is hurt in a mother's attempt to protect her child.


Just understand that your neighbor is just being mom.

carefreewannabe: Is your problem that mothers do not take ANY risk when it comes to their daughters?
Do you feel this is ge*nder discrimination?

I find it rather worrisome that the mothers, you described in your post, don't feel the need to take care of the boys in the same way they take care of the girls. Boys might fall victims to child ab*use too.
I think this is where we should begin with.

anselm791: My guy, dey your own, if you love kids that much? Make your own. with the rate it's going now, all men are molesters until proven otherwise, and since there's no way to prove, we are back to the notion which states that all men are molesters. Lol

TV01:
Men are characterised as abusers and boys are to blame? Sounds suspiciously like blaming rape on scantily clad dressing by women?

no the parents are to blame.they are the ones raising the generation of men who give everyone the impression that sex is all about what a man is which in turn subconsciously makes people misread any innocent gesture a man makes. Even men stereotype others too. A father will most likely leave his daughter or son in the care of a woman rather than a man.

Even if boys are more aware of sexxual abuse - and to report it - by older females, how will that remove the unfair stereotype that men are the majority abusers?

some people all their lives have not heard of more than 3 cases where a woman abused a boy. But It does happen. If they reported more,no person can claim ignorant of the fact that female abusers exist as much as male abusers too. Tell me how that won't stop focusing the light on men all the time as the only gender that commits sexual offense.

Say, I agree with you - and in part I do - how does parents giving equal emphasis on sex education to both boys and girls change things, except that it may lead to increased reporting of women. Even where women are indicted as molesters, they are rarely characterised or punished in the same way as men.

apart from leading to them reporting abuse more often,it can help growing boys develop sexual consciousness or restraint. Unlike the anything-female-goes attitude some men display. Generally Women are warned severely of sexxual consequences that before we are adults,we have already become sexxually principled.

I know a lot of persons won't agree with this point. They believe in male sexuall freedom. I don't begrudge them their opinions. But I think they don't have a right to complain when after championing such behavior,women become wary around men because of what they have been made to believe about men. They can't eat their cakes and have it.


How does men liking sex lead to the belief that they are sexual abusers of children? Are those that like money implicitly thieves, or lovers of food gluttons? Casanovas? Gigolos, playboys, all yes,but abusers of children?

I didn't see the topic stating categorically that men only sexually molest kids. So that was meant to cover every aspect of sexu'al abuse. That said,do you not see how easy it is for someone who believes men can't do without sex to also believe that a man can do anything even if it's molest a child to get it? So one thing leads to another. When they start believing one,they may involuntarily start believing the other.even when they don't voice it.


Presumably with women, not children?



We should be equally wary about both boys and girls.

agreed. But I can't speak for those who haven't been enlightened about female sex offenders. It's not their fault they only always hear about male offenders

But the truth is the stereotype of men as abusers is not due to the voracious sexual appetite of some men.

I would like to learn your opinion on what you think contributes to it.even if those my two points are correct,there are probably more reasons why the stereotype holds. So your opinion pls.


To say that the stereotype of men as sexual abusers of children is due to the voracious appetites of some, or the failure of boys to report sexual abuse against them is way wide of the mark.

I don't see how it is.


In the West at least, it's a common feminist trope that all men are violent/abusers/rapist etc. It's pushed by the media and even embedded into the socialisation process. And, it's part of that same trope, media and socialisation that downplays female on child abuse, amplifies male on child abuse and generally characterises males as violent.

in the west you say. But in nigeria here what leads to that stereotype?
I can confidently tell you that I've NEVER read news where a Nigerian woman was arrested for sexually molesting a boy. Does it mean it has never happened?
So the impression that males commit the rapee offense more is not fuled by any feminist whatever ish around here.let's try at least call a spade a spade. Feminism didn't accuse any nigerian man of being a rapist. The real life reports do.
It is simply because more cases of men raping women and girls is what we have in the news. Do you still think my opinion of the report cases being a chief contributor to the stereotype is way off the mark?


It's now so bad, that young boys are medicalised for normal boisterous behaviour - or, simply put, because they don't behave like little girls.

hmm. I didn't know that. So what example of these normal boisteruous behaviours have led to little boys being medicalized?

I omit male homosexual abuse for the purpose of this piece, as presumably that's on boys, so although it may well feed the stereotype, should make parents more conscious of the safety of their boys.

I agree

Men &/or boys are niether the root or the solution to this unfair characterisation.


so women are? And if your answer is yes,why?


TV

ileobatojo: Not all men are molesters obviously.

However, any man that loves playing with other peoples children so much that they want to take the kids out of the parents sight/driving them around/looking for opportunities to be alone with the kids is an immediate suspect in my eye. I would do exactly what the mom is doing and keep my kids (male or female) far away from that person as much as possible. The mom is absolutely spot on.

I'm not saying you are one. I'm just saying you are demonstrating some of the warning signs parents should be looking out for.

Augustbreak: .Same here.I have two Daughters and Two sons.I'm very protective of them.Except they are in school.Even at that,I still ask them whatever they do in school and ask after their friends and teachers all the time.Except my hubby,I don't trust any one else with my kids.Times are bad now.Better safe than sorry.

beeevan:



Better safe than sorry my sister, can't take chances with anyone.

Charlesefo: I really think dis is gender discrimination. Those who indulge in child molestation re psychologically sick but I find it disturbing she thinking iam capable of such thing knwing d kind of person iam nd vry close to them. Well hv decided to stay away frm them to avoid any trouble

Gaggi: I love kids but I've stopped playing with people's kids. There is no trust any more in this country. I just wave at the kids from afar and ask how they are doing.
It's the price we have to pay for what some deranged and depraved men have decided to start doing with kids. If u want to play with kids, go and have yours.

bukatyne:

True

I helped a little girl cross the road and when we got to the other side, she bolted like Usain.

The world is not what it was anymore

People now frown with ladies playing with their kids just that they frown more @ guys

We hear of kidnap, molest, rituals etc daily

cococandy: no the parents are to blame.they are the ones raising the generation of men who give everyone the impression that sex is all about what a man is which in turn subconsciously makes people misread any innocent gesture a man makes. Even men stereotype others too. A father will most likely leave his daughter or son in the care of a woman rather than a man.

cococandy: some people all their lives have not heard of more than 3 cases where a woman abused a boy. But It does happen. If they reported more,no person can claim ignorant of the fact that female abusers exist as much as male abusers too. Tell me how that won't stop focusing the light on men all the time as the only gender that commits intimate offense.

ileobatojo: Not all men are molesters obviously

cococandy: apart from leading to them reporting abuse more often,it can help growing boys develop intimate consciousness or restraint. Unlike the anything-female-goes attitude some men display. Generally Women are warned severely of sexxual consequences that before we are adults,we have already become sexxually principled.

cococandy: I know a lot of persons won't agree with this point. They believe in male sexuall freedom. I don't begrudge them their opinions. But I think they don't have a right to complain when after championing such behavior,women become wary around men because of what they have been made to believe about men. They can't eat their cakes and have it.

cococandy: I didn't see the topic stating categorically that men only sexually molest kids. So that was meant to cover every aspect of sexu'al abuse. That said,do you not see how easy it is for someone who believes men can't do without sex to also believe that a man can do anything even if it's molest a child to get it? So one thing leads to another. When they start believing one,they may involuntarily start believing the other.even when they don't voice it.

cococandy: agreed. But I can't speak for those who haven't been enlightened about female sex offenders. It's not their fault they only always hear about male offenders

cococandy: I would like to learn your opinion on what you think contributes to it.even if those my two points are correct,there are probably more reasons why the stereotype holds. So your opinion pls.

cococandy: Do you still think my opinion of the report cases being a chief contributor to the stereotype is way off the mark?

cococandy: so women are? And if your answer is yes,why?

TV01:
This is not fact and I'm not sure it swings anecdotally either. Firstly, I know of no partents - and definitely not men - here or in Nigeria, who raise their kids to believ that sex is at the core og being a man? Personally, and from a young age, it was always impressed upon me that studies came first - not that I paid any mind to that - but in no way was "seex" put out there as something aspirational.

Although I readily admit that it does suffuse the culture these day - everywhere in fact - I donot see it as emanating from parents. Rather something that parents need to shield their wards from. So perhaps there is some agreement there?


Again, you may have a point of sorts, but agan, I'll also readily admit that there are likely a lot more male abusers than female. So it's right that we are equally vigilant agianst it happening from both sexes. The problem is statements like this;

Which make it sound like the men that are not abusers are the exception


We don't know how underreported instances of female abuser are, but even if it were fully captured, I still don't think it would be as prevalent as male abusers or punished the same way. And it still wouldn;t remove the unfair characterisation of an unfair impression of men being instinctively being considered as potential offenders.


Here agian, I can't help but see this as somewhat off point.
Firstly, the freedom of males can't be untwined from the freedom of females. And are you really saying that there exists a school of thought - and practice - that men should be allowed to make their way through life led by their libidos? And amongst parents?

And if that is indeed so, the charge would be more likely as raapists generally and not simply abusers of children.

Secondly, the push generally, is now more about freedomn for all and all kinds. As women become more libido led, are they being characterised more as abusers? Loose, maybe, promiscuous, possibly, adulterous even in some ways, but not abusers.



Yes, I can see that, and would make it more in line with my thoughts that your position would mean men being generally characterised as abusers, not specifically as abusers of children. The first sentence of the OP does lend more clarity however.


And I agree, and I think we both agree that education about this whole thing shouldn't be sex specific. I'd go further and say that expectations should be the same as well. ALthough my inclination wouldn;t be to champion freedom for all - as I think that's part of what got us in to this mess in the first place.


I think it's the way men are portrayed - especially in the West. IN nIgeria, if anything I'd be more inclined to say it's perhaps a little fairer, but still not close to the mark. I'd even think all forms of abuse against children are underreported.

But Nigerian men also grow up with mothers, sisters, aunts, female colleagues, schoolmates and neighbours. We are inculcated quite early intyo a culture of valuing children. My love of children and family came first, and mainly, from my time in Nigeria. And to think that Nigerian men are now running scared?


Yes, because even if women truly didn't commit any abuse and all the reports were of men, and of all their abuse of women and children, it still wouldn't be reason to characterise or imply that most men are abusers or potential abusers. Justr like the stories we hear here doesn't mean that most men are cheats or most marriages are torture chambers.


Not women. Feminism, the media, political lobbies and the like.


TV

cococandy: Your points are noted.

Just for clarification. I do not champion sexxual freedom for all. I'm leaning more towards teaching sexxual conservatism/restraint for all despite gender

TV01:
Cool.

And no, I'm not ascribing anything to you. But having said that, it must prove a little problematic to reconcile "let everyone do what they like - as long as they don't cause harm to others" with "leaning towards seexual restraint for all"?


TV