They say childbirth is the most painful thing a human being can experience. Whoever came up with that theory has never experienced what I experienced.

My name is Maximilian Ball aka Bobo. Don't be deceived by my name. I'm as Nigerian as Nigerians come. I got my nickname from a Calabar man's dog but that's a story that's gone with the Nairaland bomb blast.

I'm all grown up now and I've left the poverty and craziness of the Ball's family. I am now a 6 foot 5inches handsome 23year old law graduate working in a small but rapidly growing law firm. I had a couple things I intended to achieve to ensure I become a partner in the firm. Top of the list was to get into the panties of Cynthia. OK, so maybe that was a more personal achievement but I work better when I'm happy so I was not really out of line.

Cynthia was the new secretary who had been giving me 'eye'. She's best described by Sean Tizzle's lyrics 'Face like Tiwa and a body like Tools...' and while I wouldn't consider myself the most handsome man in the world, I'm definitely the most handsome in Nigeria.

Just kidding! I'm still shoulder deep in poverty. I guess it's in our genes. I'm actually a 6 foot 5inches handsome 23year old PTA English teacher in a pitiable primary school at Sango Ota, Lagos. The school is so pitiable I'm actually thinking of setting up a committee to decide if I should be donating my tithe of #700 back to the school.

Now you're probably wondering who Cynthia really is. Cynthia is the PHE teacher of the school. She really does look like Tiwa Savage if you put in a bit of imagination and factor out her bulging eyeballs, her lips which look like they could be cut into 10 pieces of Iya Basira's #50 meat(believe me, those meats are huge. E be like say na all this meat wey dem done use do sacrifice dem dey dash the woman) and her XXL ears which look like someone left the doors of a two door car wide open. She also has chameleon like abilities. At the beginning of the month after collecting salary, she usually sports a fair hide. By mid month when she don spend the money finish and bleaching cream too don finish, she turns back to her original black complexion. I don advice am sotey say make she just mix hypo with relaxer use am once and for all. It's really annoying explaining to your roommates that you're not a player when at the beginning of the month they see you with a very fair girl, mid-month it's a 'chocolate' girl and at month end it's a black girl.

So on this particular day, we were having a PTA meeting. I'd made plans with my currently black catch to meet up early before the beginning of the meeting to have some discussions. From the discussions, one thing led to another and it involved her bringing out my pen1s and handling it. Have no fear, it's not what you think. She really was just trying to determine if that party of my anatomy was muscullarly equivalent to the rest of my body as she being a PHE teacher, she would know best. Did I happen to mention that this examination happened right in the makeshift hall where the meeting was to take place?

As I was reaching cloud nine, we suddenly heard sounds of footsteps approaching the hall. In a flash, my pen1s was back in my trousers, and Cynthia's hands were back by her sides. In came the proprietess-Miss Animas aun. Now, the first thing anyone would notice about Miss A is that she's got really large lungs. Probably 15 litres each. I figured that for one to have such large nostrils, she has to have equally large lungs to accommodate the massive volumes of air she sucks in with each breath. Her nose is so large, there's a current bet among the teachers on how long she can last under water with just one breath. My bet is on one hour. Not like we're ever going to find out anyways. She's as iniquitious as her nose is big.

She stepped into the hall, looked at both of us, took a sniff of the air and gave us this I-know-what-you've-been-up-to look. I gave her my most innocent look. The teachers and parents also began to arrive soon and in pretty much no time, the meeting began. As I sat there watching people coming in, I just couldn't get my mind off the sins I'd committed and that I'll commit after the meeting.

"Mr Ball! Mr Ball!!"

I was woken from my reverie by the sound of name being called. I looked up to see two giant nostrils looking down at me.

I stood up slowly and was about answering when I felt a strange sensation down below. You know that sensation you get when wind blows on your privates? That was it! I sat back quickly.

"Mr Ball, could you please come forward and respond to the complaint against you. And I'll appreciate it if you stand when I'm addressing you." Mrs A said in a calm but deadly voice.

Now, I had two problems. The first problem was that I couldn't get my zip to come up - I guess that's what you get when you buy a chinos trouser for #350. E be like say na fourth hand be the trouser sef. The second problem was that I was about "entering" when the complaint was made against me so I had no idea what it was.

If you have followed my story from when I was younger, you would know by now that I'm one of the most brilliant persons to have ever graced this earth. If not for my village people that gave my destiny to Mark Zuckerberg, I wouldn't be where I am. I had already figured out a way out of the first mess.

I stood up slowly again and turned to push my chair. As I used one hand to push my chair back, I used the other hand to tug my zip up. That's when it happened!

"Yeeeeeeee!!!" I screamed like I'd never screamed before.

To be continued

;Dlol

. Na wah for dis ur stori o. Oya com continue oo.

lol this is a nice piece.

OP, please come and continue with the story. Abeg

this is getting to be the regular trend in this session ; ''starting a story you can't finish''. it's really not fair.
we love your story, please come back and give us more updates.