THE 7 MOST LUCRATIVE JOBS IN NIGERIA
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Hello there, where are you working? What type of job are you doing? Is it the type that brings in six digits monthly income? Is it the type that enables you to buy the latest ride that rolls on bread wheels? Can it fetch you that luxurious apartment in Lekki & Victoria Island?

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post it here or go to hell

morefire:
post it here or go to hell

he's already in hell

THE 7 MOST LUCRATIVE JOBS IN NIGERIA
Iniobong October 16, 2014 Dr Leroi Satires, Satires 7 Comments
Hello there, where are you working? What type of job are you doing? Is it the type that brings in six digits monthly income? Is it the type that enables you to buy the latest ride that rolls on bread wheels? Can it fetch you that luxurious apartment in Lekki & Victoria Island?

I can see you raising your eyebrows. You want to know the type of job that Dr Leroi does abi? Well…*in African China’s voice*”my broda no take the job wey I do dey laugh, no condition is permanent”*smiles* Are you looking for a job or contemplating a job switch? Let’s look at the type of jobs that will make you earn fast money in this Naija.

7. Fast food joint/Restaurant Staff

According to an expert, 40% of Nigerians are hungry and go to bed on an empty stomach every night. How many people can afford three square meals in this inflation driven economy? How much is a cup of garri sef?

If you are working in a fast food outfit or a restaurant you will always be guaranteed of having a stomach filled with food every day. One of the perks of working here is that you will always have unhindered access to choice foods which means you will be taking your breakfast, lunch/dinner and even have some take away for papa, mama and bomboy at home. Have you noticed how healthy and fresh looking the staff of Mr Biggs, pepperoni, tantalizers etc are? Don’t you wanna look like them?

You will save a lot of money from buying food; a huge amount that can be ploughed into other pressing areas like buying the latest iPhone 6.

If you are a female, single and still searching, it only gets better for you because you will be attending to a lot of male customers most of whom will be young handsome single men who are looking forward to settling down with a pretty wife. If your eatery is located in the vicinity of banks and other corporate institutions you will be receiving big tips from the corporate fat cats who will drop in there to order meals and snacks.

Work on your appearance and carriage. Keep flashing those bright enchanting smiles and they wil ask you to keep the change and even request for your phone number. You never know, this may lead to something big in the nearest future…like getting an engagement ring on your finger.

6) Baba Ijebu Agent/Forecaster and Sports betting business

Nigerian youths now take to gambling for survival. Factual information reveals that 60 million Nigerians between the ages of 18 – 40 years spend N1.8 billion daily on betting.

Thousands of people play the Premier lotto game popularly called Baba Ijebu hoping to win the jackpot. People win various sums of money ranging from 12 million to 60 thousand naira. Baba Ijebu is based on people betting on a series of numbers and if they choose the correct numbers – they win!

You can make money here as an agent. There are over 16000 sales agents in the western part of the country retailing the lotto tickets. However if you really want to make it big in this lotto business, you need to become a forecaster of winning numbers.

Migrate to Lagos if you are not a resident of Lagos. Moving to Lagos is important because the city is the epicenter of the game. Tell the baba ijebu hopeful players that you are a prophet with a divine gift of predicting the sure bankers. They will not believe you, they might even laugh you to scorn. Don’t worry, look into your bag of tricks.

Find a lotto player that you can trust, give him some money to spend recklessly. Let him go round buying beer for the baba ijebu players, let him brag to them that you were the one who predicted the winning jackpot numbers for him. The players will believe him.

They will start coming to you for predictions. Rent a small room or shack in a slum neighbourhood. Decorate the room with the weirdest materials that you can find including red and white cotton strips. You can even paint your eyes with white chalk for good effect. Then start charging consultation fees as the players consult you.

As the number of your clients increase, double your fees. In a short time you will amass a fortune. When they complain that your numbers do not bring them the winnings, tell them that it is because they do not have enough faith. The gullible ones will keep on coming while the rational ones will stay away. However in a short while you will have to leave the town with your fortune or else your neck will be broken by angry and disappointed lotto players.

Oh this reminds me to place my nairabet for the Arsenal Vs Hull city game this weekend*pulls out N3000 from wallet*

5) Rent a Crowd business

Nigeria’s population is over 170 million according to the 2002 census…sorry 2014…sorry 2007….when was the last time we conducted an accurate census in this country? I wasn’t counted in the last census!

Out of this 100 million+ population, a high percentage of the citizens are unemployed. This is the thriving point of the “rent a crowd business”

With the little sum of 500 naira, you can hire people to do anything that you want in this naija.

Look for a place that will serve as your office/mobilization venue. Give it a fanciful name and put up a notice to the effect that you are willing to pay a certain amount of money, let”s say N500 for an hour’s work. You will be amazed at the crowd that will show up at your doorstep. Dignitaries in the crowd will include area boys & area girls, frustrated Gnld marketers, bored children & adults, professional clappers & praise singers and political zombies & sycophants.

2015 is just around the corner and political activities are increasing in tempo.

Look for a local politician and tell him that you can stage a 10 million man march for him. Convince him or her to give you a substantial amount of money as mobilization fee. Give your rally a catchy name like “Youths earnestly ask for Abacha”……please replace “Abacha” with the name of the politician and you are good to go.

Assemble your rented crowd and give them placards to carry. It does not matter if they can’t read what is written on the placards, the aim is to spread whatever message you want them to. If the turn up of the crowd falls below your estimation, go and meet the local Fulani cattle herder. Make arrangements with him to hire some of his cows to join the 10 milion man march rally.

When the cows join in the march, your message will be loud and clear that even animals agree that the politician is the best candidate for the position.

When you successfully stage the first rally, other politicians and interest groups will come to you to stage similar rallies or “peaceful” demonstrations for them. The money will start flowing in.

You can then diversify into other areas like professional mourning services, where you will rent people who will cry louder than the bereaved at funerals. You can also rent wedding attendees; people who will make sure that weddings held at churches with big halls are filled to capacity.

Start up now because the crowd renting business will be in full swing for the general elections in 2015. You will have leverage over the numerous groups that will spring up to render crowd renting services to politicians.

4. Professional Government Committee Member

There used to be a time when being a member of a government committee was viewed as service to the nation. It was hard work, a sacrifice of time for a task that brought about little financial compensation. In today’s Nigeria the situation is different. Ever since our fedora hat wearing president came into power we have been practicing Committocracy; government of the committees by the committees and for the committee members).

You really don’t have to do any serious work when you get appointed into a committee. All you have to do is to show up at the committee sittings/hearing and wait for your bank to send in your sitting allowance alert. You are at liberty to take a nap during the proceedings of the committee but you have to watch out for some “nosy” photo journalist who would be looking forward to take a picture of your sleepy face and make it viral on social media.

How do you get appointed into a committee?

You can’t stay in your village and expect to be appointed to head a committee by the oga at the top. You have to go to Abuja and join your fellow distinguished Nigerians to lobby for the position.

When you are in Abuja, check into Transcorp hilton hotel and lodge there. Don’t tell me you don’t have money to pay for a luxury suite. You can borrow money from friends, when your plan succeeds you will always pay them back. This hotel is where the power brokers go to chill, hold meetings and events. You will have to strike an acquaintance with some of them. Also move around the posh and high brow areas of Maitama and Asokoro, you will find many of the big boys there.

If everything goes according to plan, you will meet an influential personality who will lobby for you and ensure that your name gets pushed up to the oga at the top in exchange for a percentage of your sitting allowances. You will finally get a slot in the next committee.

Now that you have been appointed to head the committee your mission has been accomplished.

At the end the period assigned for your deliberations, which could be three months – 1 year, your committee will have to submit a white paper where you present your findings and recommendations to the government.

You and your committee members know deep within yourselves that you have not really done the job. So what are you going to submit?…..Don’t panic, you can pay someone to write a report full of technical jargons….you know government officials do not bother to read reports talk-less of acting on them. As soon as they come in they are promptly filed away or swept under the carpet. Wanna confirm? Go and check the carpet in Mr President’s office at Aso rock.

If you are too lazy to hire someone to write a bogus report for you, you can submit an empty sheet of paper as your final report. It is no big deal because another committee will be set up immediately to investigate the remote and immediate causes behind your empty sheet report. With luck on your side you would be appointed as a member of the new committee.

Your committee membership career is blooming and the money is coming in.

3. Dancehall music Artist

Dancehall music sells like hot cake nowadays. Being a dancehall music artist is a lucrative venture. Go and look for a producer who can cook up danceable beats and hook up with him. Enter the studio and begin recording. Don’t worry if your voice sounds like a frog croaking. With Autotune audio processors, your voice will be manipulated to sound like the voice of an angel.

Your lyrics may or may not be rhythmic but it must include lines like “go down low, whine your waist baby, i don hammer” “haters must die” etc.

The lyrics should be limited to two or three phrases that you must repeat as many times as possible throughout the duration of the song.

Shoot a good video then give it to Alaba boys to market it for you. In a short while you will “hammer” and become a celebrity. Money, ladies and guys will come chasing after you.

2. Ex-Militant Amnesty Scheme

This job is for the guys who live in oil producing communities. Under the amnesty deal, militants who surrender their weapons and denounce militancy are drafted into the amnesty scheme for rehabilitation back into the society. They are then sent overseas by the federal government to study on full scholarship. You have to become an ex-militant to benefit from this scheme. You can do this individually or collectively as a group.

Find at least 15 weed smoking young men with hardened faces to join you. Give yourselves fanciful names. You can use the title “General fire fire” as the leader of the group.

Go to your village, organize a search party and comb everywhere for dane guns. You can even buy the guns from local hunters. Never mind if those dane guns are rusty and have not seen action for years. Gather them together in the village square. Hire cameramen and journalists to cover the event. Stand with your group and denounce militancy, announce to everyone that your group has repented from militancy and are ready for rehabilitation and reintegration back into the Nigerian society. Make as much noise as possible so that the national news media organizations will carry the news and draw the attention of the government. The government only pays attention to violent groups.

If this approach does not work, get under the umbrella of a reputable ex-militant who is currently involved in the amnesty scheme and beg him to adopt you. If he does so, you will become one of his boys. Your name will be slotted into the amnesty deal package. It doesn’t matter if you can’t write a sentence in English and can only speak pidgin English, you will be flown abroad on scholarship to learn vocational skills in London, Russia or Hong Kong. When you are back in the country you will be placed on N75,000 monthly salary while penniless graduates roam the streets looking for jobs. You will then have time to flex and enjoy your life. Isn’t this a lucrative job?

1. State Governor

Become the governor of a state and you will have access to a bottomless purse where you can spend and splash money on anything and anyone that catches your fancy. You and your generations unborn are made for life!

How can you become a state governor?

Sorry that info is classified. I am keeping it close to my chest. I will release it after i get into office next year :p

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PS: Dr Leroi is a satirist who uses humour as a tool for pointing out societal ills.

Oct 16, 2014INIOBONG

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Lol... Chai!

Osahon7:
he's already in hell

Am game oooo...hw far na

acenazt:
Funny But true. a beg who go join me pose as fake boko haram? I can fit to speak Hausa well well. all we need na camera,and a few guns then we go do video with me as d leader who does not agree with shekau so I and my guys decide to surrender to the government. how do u c it?

Yeahreen:
Am game oooo...hw far na

hhehehehe I hope it works. add me on whatsapp at 070

Hehehe, change of mind..i no do again..my liver Dan cut

acenazt:
hhehehehe I hope it works. add me on whatsapp at 07062420068

Yeahreen:
Hehehe, change of mind..i no do again..my liver Dan cut

Lol I swear when u see me for you tube and AIT news no say choi ohh

Hahaha, no worry. I go even help spread d video link 4 many sites

acenazt:
Lol I swear when u see me for you tube and AIT news no say choi ohh

save a life

www.nairaland.com/1995601/sos-please-hamed-djdola/18#1995601.592

Yeahreen:
Hahaha, no worry. I go even help spread d video link 4 many sites

hehhehe naso

Wow....so funny but true