plssss, am a beginner at poem writing. I wrote a poem or should I call it a writeup for my friend for his birthday tomorrow. plsss I need u guys to review it, make corrections and cast ur stones so I can learn n improve.

Tick....tick....tick,
The sound of the clock,
Seconds turn to minutes,
Minutes to hours,
And not up to a day,
The drums shall be rolled,
SWEET TWENTY here he comes.
Its the checkpoint,
Your energy renewing point,
Your grace upgrading point,
Your blessing unveiling point,
And your oil refilling point,
God is going to upgrade and equip you,
Exceedingly high for a new level,
Far above your expectations,
Your head, with oil he is going to anoint,
Empower you with new strength,
He will be an adrenaline in your joints;
Unstoppable by any restraint;
Your nitro when you sprint;
Never will you be skint,
An ink in your ballpoint,
And your greatness no RAM can print,
Some may call it cheat,
But I call it grace.
You shall live to reach many more checkpoints.

Sir.
This is a good piece. Just that, your punctuation has some mistakes sir. Punctuate it like you'd punctuate your prose work. You used commas all through.

And wouldn't it look more beautiful sir if you put it in stanzas
You can join the Nairaland Poetry Club classes to become better.

But, I don't lie. This is a very great piece. More ink!
Ayamlaykorn

laykorn:
Sir.
This is a good piece. Just that, your punctuation has some mistakes sir. Punctuate it like you'd punctuate your prose work. You used commas all through.

And wouldn't it look more beautiful sir if you put it in stanzas
You can join the Nairaland Poetry Club classes to become better.

But, I don't lie. This is a very great piece. More ink!
Ayamlaykorn

Tanx a lot sir.
I don't know whether its asking too much but can u pls edit it with d appropriate punctuation?

cc: leki10, texanomaly.
ur comments on this will b highly appreciated. and plss leki10, from ur tutorial, what type of poem is this?

I hope you don't mind, but I rearranged some of your poem so it would flow better.




Tick....tick....tick,
The sound of the clock.


Seconds turn to minutes,
Minutes turn to hours.
And not up to a day,
The drums shall roll.


SWEET TWENTY here he comes!


Checkpoint.
Your energy renewing point,
Your oil refilling point,
Your grace upgrading,
Your blessings unveiling,
Your head, with oil anoint.


God upgrade and equip you
Exceedingly high for a new level,
Far above your expectations.
Empowering you with new strength,
He will be an adrenaline in your joints;
Unstoppable by any restraint.


Your nitro when you sprint,
Never will you be skint.
An ink in your ballpoint,
Greatness no RAM can print.


Some may call it cheat,
But I call it grace.
Many more checkpoints
May you live to reach.

texanomaly:
I hope you don't mind, but I rearranged some of your poem so it would flow better.




Tick....tick....tick,
The sound of the clock.


Seconds turn to minutes,
Minutes turn to hours.
And not up to a day,
The drums shall roll.


SWEET TWENTY here he comes!


Checkpoint.
Your energy renewing point,
Your oil refilling point,
Your grace upgrading,
Your blessings unveiling,
Your head, with oil anoint.


God upgrade and equip you
Exceedingly high for a new level,
Far above your expectations.
Empowering you with new strength,
He will be an adrenaline in your joints;
Unstoppable by any restraint.


Your nitro when you sprint,
Never will you be skint.
An ink in your ballpoint,
Greatness no RAM can print.


Some may call it cheat,
But I call it grace.
Many more checkpoints
May you live to reach.

wow, Tanx.
wat type of poem would u call this?