A bit of history for perspective. So let's see.. I grew up in Lagos. I was born here in the states, but like most of other foreign born Nigerians, my parents moved the family back home shortly after, and I was about 2 years old at the time. I stayed in Lagos till way after secondary school, even attending OSU for a little bit.

When I was 19, my parents called me in and told me it was time to go join my sister in the States. They grabbed my birth certificate and old passport, and we headed to the American Embassy to go renew it. I left for the US very shortly after that. I wasn't exactly sure how I felt at the time..Excited maybe? I mean, I had always wondered about Yankee.. haven't we all at some point?

Anyway, that was 17 years ago (1998). In that time, I've been home 3 times in total. Not because I don't want to, it just gets expensive. I met my husband 15 years ago on the first day in college. We connected very strongly, fell in love, and have been married since. We have 2 kids, both have jobs we love (I own my business), own our home, and by all standards, are pretty blessed.

My husband is American.. Actually, he's White. My parents were initially quite disapproving, but all it took was the first grandchild, and they were good. When my dad asked me why I had to go fall in love with a White guy,I jokingly told him that he should maybe have sent me to somewhere like Atlanta instead of New England.. lots of brothers there. LOL. (He didn't think that was funny, and glared at me till I stopped laughing). Anyway,I only mention that to give a bit of perspective to my post. I don't like to focus on the race part of our relationship because it wasn't a factor when we got together, and it's never been a factor. We had an incredible connection right off the bat, and its maintained over the years. I have always wondered what my life would be like if I never came here, because I couldn't imagine fitting so well with anyone else.

Anyway.. the point of my post. In the years I've been here, I've maintained contact with some of my closest friends. We BBM/WatsApp daily, communicate on FB, and when necessary, we Skype. So it's not like that part of my life is cut off; it isn't. I speak yoruba fluently, both our kids have Yoruba names, understand some, and I try to stay current with things from home as best I can.

Here's the thing though; the longer I stay here, the more I miss home. I miss home a LOT, actually. The longer I'm here, the less I feel like this is where I should be. I miss being around MY people. I know that sounds weird, but that's really what it is. I miss hearing the language all the time, the humor, everything. I can honestly say I never saw feeling this, coming.. At all. I always thought my life was well balanced, and I had managed to juggle both worlds well. My husband has never interfered with my culture; he actually gets quite involved. Besides suffering through countless Nollywood films all the time, he eats the food (some), understands enough to communicate effectively, encourages both the kids to be more involved/interested in things, and has become quite well known at the local Nigerian market and buka here.

When I first started feeling like this, I didn't say anything to anyone, and thought it was a phase. When it didn't go away, I talked to my cousin who said it was a natural feeling, but reminded me of how big a change it would be for everyone (including me) if I acted on it. I spoke to my husband in depth about everything, and after talking everything over, he's fine with it as long as the kids adjust well. We're lucky that his job is one that isn't too affected by location, and his company has a division in Nigeria.

So does this mean I'm looking to uproot my family and move back to Lagos full time? No.. I don't think so. At least not yet. It does mean however, that I'm seriously considering living in both places for extended periods of time.. I'm most worried about the kids and having them jump from school to school, so I'm thinking I might start off with spending summers there, then figure it out.

Point of this long winded post? I guess I'm realizing that culture/heritage will always win. Not that I tried to run away from mine, but I thought I could do just fine with small doses of it. Turns out I was way wrong about that. Now, I wonder about all the Nigerians I know here who left the country 20+ years ago, but who haven't been back either because they can't (no papers), or they don't want to, and I honestly doff my hat to them. Especially the latter. The former, I just feel awful for.. I can't imagine how difficult that must be.

So.. I apologize for the long epistle I've written here. These are thoughts that have been circling my mind non stop for the past few months, and I needed to put them down and share. I've lurked Nairaland forever now, but registered tonight. Actually, I had an account in 2006 or so, but I have no clue what email account I used for it. I had to stop logging in because I was on here constantly, and I couldn't get anything else done...lol. Thanks for reading/listening.

Hope everyone is having an awesome 2015 thus far..! :-)