“The past won’t rest until we
jump the fence and leave it
behind” – The Arcade Fire

It is not easy surviving in
the township. If most people
knew what lay in wait for
them, they wouldn’t have
taken the leap of faith to leave
their respective villages to
come and hustle in the
townships. Personally, if I
knew what lay ahead of me, I
would have stayed back in the
village. By now, I would have
finished my apprenticeship at
the Babalawo’s house and
opened my own shop, pouring
libation to the gods every
morning and doing other stuffs
that Native Doctors do. Or in a
best case scenario, I would
have become the village town
crier. Or something else! But
as for life in the township,
forget about it. It’s not just
about the hustle and bustle
every freaking day. Naa,Naa,
Naa...that’s not the point. I am
talking about the Suburban
War that most people in
township consciously or
subconsciously engage in; the
battle of lifestyles. This battle
drives people to do anything
possible (without giving a
thought to the repercussions)
just to belong to the acceptable
class in township.
I was chilling at the bar
after a tough and stressful day.
Now this bar wasn’t my usual
local spot. I got lucky that day
and made some extra bucks, so
I decided to treat myself to a
lavish meal and drinks at a
classy joint. I decided to make
the outing quick because I was
expecting an important mail
from an acquaintance – a detail
of a new website she wanted
for her clothing line. I gently
walked into the bar, sat down
and crossed my right leg on
the other. I wore my new pair
of shoes so I decided to show
off a lil’ bit. No blame me jor,
that shoe cost me an arm and a
leg . The waitress walked up to
me and asked what I wanted
to have. I requested for the
menu and to my surprise, a
bottle of Star beer was sold for
one thousand five hundred
naira. My goodness, which kind
trap be dis na ! I wanted to
sneak out of the place guyman-
ishly but decided otherwise. I
mean, C’mon, there was no
harm in spending that amount
on a bottle of Star. But na the
first and last time I go try am , I
swear. So I asked her to get
one for me. Maybe na the blood
of our Lord dey inside the
bottle , I wondered. She asked
whether I wanted their special
fish barbecue to go with the
drink. This girl na real winch o,
I swear . E be like say she see
me for dream, wan come milk
me dry. I reject it in Jesus
name ,I said silently. Politely, I
declined the offer to purchase
the special fish barbecue and
any other thing they had to
offer. Just get me the bottle of
Star beer make I drink comot
from this place .
All the while, my neighbor
Nelly, her boyfriend Tonye and
two other people were seated
in the same bar. I saw her and
walked up to exchange
pleasantries. It was also an
opportunity to say Hi to her
boyfriend and remind him of
my five grand wey him dey
owe me. Ever since he lost the
bet we staked during the
match between Manchester
United and Arsenal FC, he had
been dodging and avoiding me.
As I reached their table, I
couldn’t believe my eyes. On
their table was a bottle of
Ciroc vodka, two mighty fishes
on a big plate well garnished,
a bottle of Hennessy and some
bottles of Coke. Omo, I use my
brain calculate how much wey
dey that table. This place wey
one bottle of Star na 1,500
bucks...na em be say one bottle
of Ciroc fit pay that guy house
rent na . Him come add
Hennessy join am. I finally said
Hi and asked after their
health, jobs, landlord and
anything else I could think
about. I called Tonye out and
we went towards the main
bar.“O boi, wey my money na.
You no dey try o”, I said
angrily. “Bros, abeg, no vex for
me. Try understand. No reason
all those things wey dey our
table o. All na magic. Na Nelly
and her friends say dem wan
chop all those things. Wetin I
go do na. I suppose live up to
expectation na. No worry, I go
drop your cash next week”, he
humbly explained.
The waitress eventually
called my attention while I was
haggling Tonye over my cash
and when he would pay up.
What could I do na? I finally
left him to go back to his table
while I proceeded to mine. At
my table, I thought about what
Tonye had told. Now before
you call me old school, please
hear me out first. I have no
reservations over treating
oneself to a great outing once
in a while. There is no
problem in that. But when one
consciously and consistently
indulges in a lifestyle that is
way above what he/she can
afford, then it becomes a
freaking problem. This no be
the first time Tonye dey do dis
kind thing. And it is a pity; he
is a normal hustler like me
doing his best to make ends
meet in township. I knew how
much he earned monthly.
The Suburban War! The
Battle of whose lifestyle is the
best. The battle of who has the
phattest bank account. The
battle of who has the latest
designer gadgets and
accessories.
One time, I knew a teacher
in a public primary school
married to a banker husband.
Together, they had 2 kids and
lived in a Suburban
neighborhood meant for the
rich. They had 3 cars and paid
up to 1.2 milli annually on
their apartment. I was
fortunate to be invited to the
birthday ceremony of the
youngest kid. Boy, I had me a
lotta fun. I must confess those
guys are living in heaven on
earth. But then, I started
thinking...how they could
afford all that. I mean, I knew
what they paid teachers in
public schools back then and
her husband was a regular guy
counting money in a bank. I
eventually realized this was
the effect of The Suburban
War. In a bid to live up to
expectations, they had to do
what they gotta do to be on a
similar (or even higher) level
as their contemporaries. This
was a lady that spent a lot of
guap on expensive spa visits
and the family took regular
vacations to exotic places. I am
not in a position to judge but
in all honesty, e be like say
dem get juju inside house wey
dey vomit money for them.
Last time I talked with them
over the phone, they no longer
stayed in town; they’ve gone
off to some village in the
Middle belt and I understood
the reality of life had set in. I
realized all those while, they
were living on borrowed cash
and loans meant to service
their lavish lifestyle.
I couldn’t stress more on
the importance of REALNESS.
The Suburban War is a battle
we chose to engage in; it is not
a compulsory fight. There are
many more important battles
we partake in on a daily. Life
itself is a freaking war so why
occupy ourselves with a
meaningless war. It’s a pity
that is what our society has
turned into. People would
gladly brag about who has the
most expensive Mikano
generator instead of focusing
on how the government would
provide stable electricity for
the populace.
Do your best to focus on
saving for the rainy day and
not on trying to outshine your
contemporaries. Because in all
honesty, no one really cares!
The Suburban War is a
battle that can never be won
by anyone. It is therefore
pertinent not to engage in it
at all. Capisce!

first published: www.feelgoodinconline.com/blogs/