On a sunny Sunday
afternoon, I left for the car
park. I was also saying my
prayers of forgiveness for what
I did in church that morning.
While the choir was busy
singing songs of praises to the
Almighty, I was busy spying on
a black chick with a big butt. I
tried to bind the devil but I
couldn’t. I never knew the
devil sef dey enter inside
church on Sunday. After all,
the good book says if you stare
at a woman lustfully, it is the
same thing as the main thing.
Alright then, p amurogo !
So there I was on top of a
bike saying my prayers to God
for forgiveness, while also
praying not to fall off the bike
and die. This okada man dey
speed o; I for carry car go the
park o . Anyway, I was the one
that told him to drive fast
because I had to reach the car
park on time and follow the
first bus to Kano.
Upon arrival, I hopped off
the bike and paid the guy. I
also gave him an extra 100
bucks for bringing me to the
car park safely and right on
time. He thanked me and I left
to purchase my ticket. At the
counter, I handed over the
cash to the attendant and
promptly got a ticket. With the
ticket and my bag in hand, I
headed to the bus. It wasn’t
filled up yet and luckily, no
one was in the front seat too. I
quickly sat on the seat and
wrote my name on the
manifest.
There was a burly guy
beside the bus selling some
products he had in his hands.
He was busy telling the
occupants of the bus about
how powerful the drug was.
This drug would cure any
disease one could think of,
though he didn’t mention
cancer. A frail elderly woman
in the bus called him to come
closer and she proceeded to
ask him, “Nwa m, would this
cure my sugar disease”. “Ehh,
that one na small thing na. For
sugar disease, just put the
drug on your hand and pour
inside your mouth. Do this two
times and your sugar problem
will go kpatakpata. If you have
sugar problem again after
taking this drug, call me
bastard”, he said with an
Onitsha accent. The woman
asked how much and he said
500 bucks. The frail woman
bought two. Another man in
the bus asked whether the
drug cured typhoid, and the
dogga-man replied in the
affirmative. “For typhoid and
malaria, just put the powder in
a spoon, mix am well with any
bitter drink and sip it. After
one hour don pass, your urine
go dey green. That green
colour na the typhoid wey the
drug don kill”, the dogga-man
replied. The gullible man
handed over 500 bucks to him
and promptly got a bottle of
the elixir. Within 30minutes,
about six other gullible folks
have gotten their respective
bottles of elixir. A young guy
bought three bottles – one for
himself, one for the girlfriend
and one for the sick mother at
home.
All the while, I stayed put
and keenly watched the dogga-
man. Some even called him
doctor and he gladly answered.
Gracious Lord, have mercy!
Now before you judge me and
condemn me for not
confronting the merchant of
doom, calm down first and
hear me out. In all honesty, I
respected the guy’s hustle. It
is not easy to convince a bunch
of people to buy a bottle of
powder that could cure every
single ailment they could think
of. To do this, you really have
to be a wise guy. So let’s give
props to the dogga-man for
coming up with such a cunning
scheme. Ogbeni, e no dey easy
jor !
OK, back to the matter...on
a more serious note, that evil
dogga-man should be hung on
a cross by his balls upside
down till he breaths his last.
My God, what kind of
wickedness is that ! At a point, a
woman that was complaining
of toothache got the elixir from
the dogga-man and applied on
the aching tooth. After a
couple of minutes, she shouted
‘ Praise the Lor d’ and
proceeded to give a quick
testimony of how the toothache
had ‘disappeared’ within
minutes. Chai! I shook my
head and pitied the innocent
woman.
After the bus got filled up,
we left the park and
commenced our journey. And
then I wondered how many
naïve people this dogga-man
had succeeded in ruining their
lives. Why would a grown man
or woman believe that a single
drug could cure every ailment?
I think there are a thousand
and one reasons including
poverty, poor education/
enlightenment and the greatest
reason is SHEER STUPIDITY. I
mean, c’mon, it is like still
believing the Boogeyman really
exists at the age of twenty...or
a grown man believing in the
tooth fairy!
One time, I was
participating in a medical
outreach in a rural area and a
patient came in for check up.
He gave me a piece of paper
on which was written his blood
sugar and blood pressure
readings. They were
alarmingly high. I asked him
whether he had been
diagnosed of the diseases
before and he gave me an
affirmative reply. I then
proceeded to inquire why he
hadn’t been on his medications
and he gave me a pitiable
answer: “my brother, to be
honest, I don’t even have
enough money to eat not to
talk of buying my drugs”. It is
a pity! Now I wouldn’t blame
this kind of patient if he
eventually falls victim to the
dogga-man’s lies and
deception. As long as there is
poverty in the land, people
would still fall victim to such
antics.
Eventually, we arrived Kano
safely. We were told a bomb
had exploded at the car park
few hours before we arrived.
Thank God for that dogga-
man jor! Na the guy wey
delay our movement and as
such, prevented us from
getting bombed to pieces.
When next I see him, I’m
gonna give him a handshake
and buy ten bottles of the
elixir. I’m gonna make him rich,
I swear.
That night, I had a dream.
In my dream, I was a dogga-
man selling roots and rat
poison at a car park in
Ogbomosho. And the worst
part of the dream was that I
had tribal marks on my face
and spoke with a thick Ijebu
accent. Olorun maje o!

*And lest I forget, have a
happy and fun-filled
Valentine's Day*

culled: www.feelgoodinconline.com/blogs/

The past won’t rest until we
jump the fence and leave it
behind - The Arcade Fire

following

Thanks Rita...gratitude