Whenever I do something for the first time, I like to restrict my company to me, myself and I to minimise the chances of awkward moments.

I asked one of friends for cinema tips and she told me I would be needing at least N5000 if I wanted to have a good time.

This happened way back in 2011 and 5K was definitely going to drain my monthly feeding allowance.
I thought of letting the idea slide until those hard-working Alaba boys compress recent premiered movies into their 100 naira DVD.

"Give me a breakdown of this 5K?" I asked my friend enthusiastically.
"I know say you na bike madam but please keep 2.K for cab. 1.5K for your movie ticket. 1K for popcorn and coke."
That was when I vexed.
"So if I don't eat popcorn and drink coke, the movie would not be sweet eh? I thought popcorn is 50-100 Naira?"
She opined that popcorn was necessary if I didn't want to feel left out as I intended going alone.
"Whether you like it or not, you are supposed to chew a few grains every five minutes interval during the movie because everybody would be doing that."

I drew up a new budget but I still couldn't squeeze out that 5k to give myself a treat at the end of the month.
When my BBM contact posted a pm of movie tickets in Silverbird Uyo selling for as low as N100, I went crazy.
The rumours were unbelievable but true.
God bless Governor Akpabio.
This was coming at a time my Uyo based aunt invited me over for holidays. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

But trust humans and their greedy nature.
When I got to Uyo, I procrastinated in hanging out to the cinema until that N100 began to feel like one huge sum of money.
"Na wa o. Why can't Governor Akpabio slash the money from N100 to N50?" I asked my cousin.
"Haba Naijasinglegirl, don't you have conscience?" A look of disappointment had registered on her face .
"Okay. How much is popcorn? I'm sure its N30 if a movie ticket is N100."
"Its still N500 please."
"Na wa o. So this 419 popcorn is everywhere abi? Coke nko?" I asked.
"N250."
"Rubbish!"

When my holiday was 3 days due, I didn't need anyone to remind me why I visited to Uyo.

* * *

Half way to the cinema, the N700 cab I took developed a fault and the driver had to brake somewhere to fix it. Fortunately, he parked his vehicle beside a corn/pear vendor.
I alighted and bought two roasted corns and pears.
I had was chewing my corn quietly when I sighted a small supermarket across the road. I wrapped the remaining pear/corn for my nephew and crossed over.
When I got there, I found macro sized wraps of popcorn by the counter.
Suddenly, an idea struck me. I was going to take the N100 promo to a whole new level. If this cinema people thought they could eat my money and run, they were in for a shocker!
"How much is your popcorn?"
"N100 for one nylon."
I strolled over to the refrigerator.
"Do you have coke?"
"Just the canned coke."
"Give me Lacasera then."
The seller didn't have N100 change so I told her to add two sachets of caprisonne.
My plans were to find a neat,used paper bag with silverbird logo at the cinema and empty my cheap popcorn inside so everyone will think I bought it there.

When I arrived the cinema, the entire premises was cramped. The awoof bug had caught Uyo. I heard people came in from neighbouring states to enjoy the cheapest movie rates in the world. Some were even sitting on the carpet.
Some had shattered my hopes by stamping their dirty foot on the used popcorn paper packs so my plans were no longer feasible.

I got my N100 ticket for one Adam Sandler's comedy.
As I made to step into the hall, one of the attendants stopped me.
"May I see what's inside your bag."
"Why do you have to search me?" I began to para.
I looked around and noticed others entering other halls were not spared.
He explained that's the new company policy so no one goes in with any item that is not sold at silverbird. According to him, the price slash had led to an abuse of the arena as someone was caught eating from a foodflask of goat meat some days back and now there was a big rat they've been trying to kill in the cinema without success.

That was when my stupid roasted corn decided to smell!
The attendant forcefully unzipped my half open bag and brought out my nonsense items one by one starting with the pear.
I just wanted the ground to swallow me. How was I going to start explaining izzz nottt myyy roasted cornnn eh? Abi the Lacsera that is meant only for traffic? Abi the mama ronke popcorn in my bag or is it the cheap caprisonne?

The guy was shocked. He put all my items into a basket and told me he would hand them back when I was done with the movie. If only he knew I dashed him all of it in my mind.

I couldn't concentrate on my movie. Adam Sandler was suddenly unfunny and annoying. All I thought of was how I was going to subtly dodge the attendant on my way out.
As soon as the movie ended, I blended in with crowd going out but the busybody attendant was still able to pick me out.
"Sister, you've forgotten your corn and pear oh" He said, while he handed me the Lacasera and other items in the full glare of all those hot boys and hot girls.
I collected it shamefully and avoided everyone eyes. My only consolation was no familiar face was present to witness that sort of embarrassment.

Culled from http://www.naijasinglegirl.com

as usual. LoL

Lovely piece ma'am but orbit chewing gum would have done the trick replacing pop corn.

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Just in case

Lmfao, poverty is a bastard.

Lolz... You make me to remember my first time of using the lift stairs, i stood for up to 15mins watching how people use it

I would love to meet this light hearted girl of Naijasinglegirl

your experence is the norm

Funny. The environment is always fun. Yet to watch any movie though. Maybe someday. Maybe when i av a Behind girl friend.

Hehehe

"Na wa o. Why can't Governor Akpabio slash the money from N100 to N50?"

that got me laughing

Whoever is behind naijasinglegirl handle. 'I love u'. Thanks for always bringing comedy alive with your articles.

During school days then,before going to club,I would have knocked myself out with local ogogoro,then enter club to buy only table water..

The tipsy-ness will last till day break.

Can't afford the exorbitant fee of drinks then.

LMAO!

Nice one babe! Love you to the moon and back!

NSG u just had to use my name.... Caot stop laffin

You wanted to claim wiseness forgetting you're a Nigerian in Nigeria!

lols . . . awoof don run your belle

This girl with her stories will always make me laugh till I land on the floor.

. Thanks for this!

NaijaSingleGirl no dey kari last Your story reminds me of when I and my close friend (she's also a colleague) went to a cinema sometimes last year. That wasn't my first time tho so I know d rules. I smuggled a bowl of 1Lt ice cream and snacks in without those guys knowing. I carried dis medium soft hand bag that looks flat even with items inside. I now topped it wit inedible items like purse, face towel, card holder, keys, fones and belt. I was holding popcorn for ma friend as well just to make him think "she has bought P.corn, she wouldn't have extra in d bag". He checked hurriedly and told me to go in....lol. No be my fault oh....I was famished and pop corn no fit solve wetin dey ground. next time ehn, hid am well

next time try to package wella so u don't get caught
or u can also plan to swallow spit all through the day.
#najokeoh
b4 some political people invade here now


full stop

kai. this yarinya too de make up story too mush.
if this story is true, make I get k-leg.

Funjosh:
Lolz... You make me to remember my first time of using the lift stairs, i stood for up to 15mins watching how people use it

Hahahahahaha.... Na una type I enjoy watching whenever I'm In the mall. Will seat at one corner close to the lift/elevator... Always hilarious

@OP I gbadun ur style jawe. That was how I wanted to form first time at d cinema and I ordered popcorn and drinks for I and my friends. On hearing d price,I jejely return am. The attendant was laughing and I joined her too. No b by force na

Honestly, the FG has to do something bout the popcorn and soda situation in Nigerian cinemas. In Silverbird Abuja, popcorn is sold for 800 naira and soda sold for 300 naira, that's 1.1k already, transport will be no less than 2.5k cuz of things like cab and drop. The only good thing is that there's a discount for students and corpers.

A movie ticket costs 800 naira with ID card, so I plan to make use of that awoof for as long as I can ....bottom line, I will still spend 5k for the ultimate cinema experience...but omo, I can't fit. I'll just take chewing gum and facemask into the viewing hall, I chew my gum and use the facemask to ensure all the enticing popcorn aroma does not disturb my nostrils

Lucky for me, many people are stingy here, so they're not likely to buy that 800 naira diabetes pack called popcorn

Hilarious

Funny piece reminds me of an even at sweet sensation. I guess this guys babe asked him to get her food and he ordered fried rice and beef 2 plates each. When the cashier told him the price was 1800. He just bluntly refused and said he's not buying oh that their food was too expensive. He then turned to me and was lamenting about how he's suprised. That day I just couldn't laugh. He later bought one tho cos the cashier said he must pay 4 one of the plates. He was hissing till he left

^^^^^^^
funny dude.

safarigirl:


Honestly, the FG has to do something bout the popcorn and soda situation in Nigerian cinemas. In Silverbird Abuja, popcorn is sold for 800 naira and soda sold for 300 naira, that's 1.1k already, transport will be no less than 2.5k cuz of things like cab and drop. The only good thing is that there's a discount for students and corpers.

A movie ticket costs 800 naira with ID card, so I plan to make use of that awoof for as long as I can ....bottom line, I will still spend 5k for the ultimate cinema experience...but omo, I can't fit. I'll just take chewing gum and facemask into the viewing hall, I chew my gum and use the facemask to ensure all the enticing popcorn aroma does not disturb my nostrils

Lucky for me, many people are stingy here, so they're not likely to buy that 800 naira diabetes pack called popcorn

haha.!
From what I heard, the cinemas themselves make their main profit by selling "sodas and popcorn".
***shrugs***

The write up would have been funnier but the writer has too many things going on in one article.

He or she needs to have a cohesive plot throughout the thread.

Lol see wetin selfishness cause.
Imagine corn/pear why you come fall your hand for where those fine bobo .
Naijasinglegirl I hail you own.
I know say this your story Na fake, but e sweet me sha

Naijasinglegirl:
Culled from http://www.naijasinglegirl.com

as usual. LoL

Are you the Real Naija Single Girl? Or you simply decided to use the same Username

you made me remember the first time in a banking hall i stood for almost 15 minutes for me to know what n what to do despite the 'lectures' i had received from a friend

goldfish80:
Whoever is behind naijasinglegirl handle. 'I love u'. Thanks for always bringing comedy alive with your articles.

I love you too

Yomieluv:
During school days then,before going to club,I would have knocked myself out with local ogogoro,then enter club to buy only table water..

The tipsy-ness will last till day break.

Can't afford the exorbitant fee of drinks then.

LOL