I have always heard "yaba left', but never really thought twice about the place until two days ago. I had an appointment with a client..or maybe i am the client :p (who knows) but the client asked me to meet at Federal Neuropsychiatric hospital, Yaba.
I thought about all the rave reviews the place has been getting on nairaland (e.g did you escape from yaba left? or Your bedspace has been booked in yaba left) and my heart skipped.
I also thought about the "normal" situation of government owned facilities and my heart double skipped. I imagined all types of scenarios "escaped men, naked women running around , yours truly being mistaken for a yaba left escapee, particularly disturbing images of people catching flies and eating them ( several nigerian movies portray that as the first sign that someone is schizo) and finally one person running up to me and prophesying about my future (again thanks to nigerian movies) so I decided to prepare myself. I did the following:-
1. DRESSED UP: I dressed to kill mehn! I got on the most expensive pair of pantsuit I owned, got the drycleaner to double starch and iron and then sprayed the most expensive perfume I own, with this pair of killer high heels. I mean, A mad woman cant dress up like this na...abi? My make up ehn, omo no be here oooo.
2. Dark SunShades: This was to make myself look less approachable. At least if any escapee decides to run up to me, e no go fit talk na, by the time I use the visible lower half of my face to frown seriously...no be so?
3. NO BLUETOOTH EARPIECE : Abeg, we don't want one overenthusiastic employee to think that " this extremely well dressed lady is talking to herself" she must be one of our patients. Let's capture her and at least ask her a few questions just to be sure.
4. Grammar : yep! i familiarised myself with several colloquial terms like, hi what"s up? and "yeah" and "cool". it has been said (dont ask me by whom) that mad men often speak formally.
5. Directions : I crammed the google page for directions, with lagosians and their need to give directions rather than just say "i dont know where that is" , i didnt want to find myself having to walk up and down asking strangers "please where is yaba left?' or worse still "would you be so kind as to furnish me with details on how to get to the federal neuropsychiatric hospital yaba, which by the way,also goes by the synonym "yaba left"? O boy na capture be that.
6. Make up a story : just in case I get lost i rehearsed this story about how i want to visit my brother's friend"s two times removed cousin's sister in law...just in case madness is genetic.
7. Lastly, i reminded myself severally to NOT use the words "crazy" , "mad" or "insane" in refering to myself even if what i meant to say is "I am not mad" because it is believed that the only people who vehemently protest their insanity are indeed insane!
After doing all the above, i took a deep breath, and started my journey.
If you can think of anything else i could have done , you can add it below...

So op had a business meeting at Yaba left?



That's really so very very cool


But op,


Why are you talking as if you are still there?

To be sincere...... You must be one of the escapees

no offeince

I seriously want to know how it all ended.

K

Just tell us the truth... You escaped from yabaleft again with a stolen phone

zick19:
To be sincere...... You must be one of the escapees

no offeince

for me to know and for you to wonder

changes1:
I seriously want to know how it all ended.

... Exactly

changes1:
I seriously want to know how it all ended.

LOL! let's just say that it was totally different than i imagined. Kudos to the management of that place....although i was a bit confused/taken aback when the security guards opened the gate and said welcome back madam ... I hurriedly said abeg o, this is my first time.

Normal people don't starch pantsuit though

bigdiva:

LOL! let's just say that it was totally different than i imagined. Kudos to the management of that place....although i was a bit confused/taken aback when the security guards opened the gate and said welcome back madam ... I hurriedly said abeg o, this is my first time.

OMG!!! Welcome back? Upon your dressing?

hehehehe... The devil is a liar.

temitemi1:
Normal people don't starch pantsuit though

In my defence, i didnt starch it by myself

Bigdiva

Oya come oh
This story go make sense.

bigdiva:

LOL! let's just say that it was totally different than i imagined. Kudos to the management of that place....although i was a bit confused/taken aback when the security guards opened the gate and said welcome back madam ... I hurriedly said abeg o, this is my first time.

LWKMthroway. Welcome back!! Chai. Na welcome back indeed.