My name is Abayomi, and I am a Pastor in a Pentecostal Church based in Ibadan, Nigeria. Last night, my wife told me that it's over between us!

I have given her decision a deep thought, meditated and prayed over it, and I have come to the conclusion that life without her will be totally meaningless. So, I have decided to kill myself... to take my own life!
The first thing I did was to drink Amstel malt with milk and honey, but nothing happened; I therefore proceeded to another level of deadly poisonous concoction...
I prepared turkey wings and gizzard, with cranberry juice and lots of fresh tomatoes, yet I didn't die. I then ate cake, chocolates and ice cream, still I didn't die.
Right now I'm so confused because I just finished eating fried rice with peppered snails and fresh fruit salad, but I'm still alive! Out of desperation, I went for Chinese cuisine with chicken soup and garnished potatoes, but death refused to come! Honestly, I am really confused right now.
What else should I do? Or should I try fried plantain with fresh fish stew or pounded yam, efo riro and bush meat, or amala with abula and goat meat, and wash it down with mixed fruit juice or chapman?
I need your advice urgently please...

why is this in the jokes section? this should be moved to unfunny crap section aka the recycle bin