Breaking news! DIEZANI FLEES Nigeria.

Reporter - Madam, thanks for the opportunity to call your roaming number. Madam,why flee Nigeria at this point in time?

D - A man that could give Nwobodo 300 years jail term for stealing a common Peugeot will definitely extend mine to over 5,000 years for the few billion dollars in my possession.

Reporter - But Madam, we are in a democratic dispensation now.

D- Demo what, with Sai Buhari? Just the thought of him in my dream gives me depression. The man's face is so hard that no female wiles could affect him.I have been unable to sleep since March 29th, 2015 because he appears to be warning me daily in my dreams.

Reporter- What about your fellow Ministers.

D- Most Ministers have packed up and do not want to be caught dead in the country by the 30th of April. Jona will run this nation alone from the first of May.Who wan go jail for another 500 years.On May 29th, I shall be moving to the land of the ESKIMOS, who wants to be crated back to Nigeria.

Reporter- That will not be fair now.

D- My dear do not deceive yourself, there is fire on the mountain now with Buhari. Even the militants no longer want to return to the creeks. I heard some of the businessmen with Private jets are planning to return them.

Reporter- We shall miss you for all your good works.

D- Good works ke. My dear, let me return to my hideout because I just heard a sound like Bu...