AT a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,

"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um , no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea, "

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anyone can be angry,thats easy.but to be angry with the right person,to the right degree,at the right time,for the right purpose,in the right way,thats not within everybody's power and thats not easy, aritotle

Great Reasons To Be A Guy,

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.

You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Gas (at either end) is cool.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i love being a guy, but i love ladies, milla

you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad,

IN PRISON, You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK, You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON, You get three meals a day.
AT WORK, You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON, You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK, You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

IN PRISON, A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK, You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON, You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK, You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON, You get your own toilet.
AT WORK, You have to share.

IN PRISON, They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK, You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON, All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK, You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON, You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK, You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON, There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK, They are called supervisors.

IN PRISON, You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK, You get fired if you get caught.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------NEVER DISCOURAGE SOMEONE WHO IS CONTINUALLY MAKING PROGRESS NOMATTER HOW SMALL, SAM MILLA

are just simply happier people, and here is why,

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------, there are three types of men,men who loves wisdom,men who loves honour and men who loves gain, milla

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.

"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.

"And why not?" asked Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"

Stan said nothing.

The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."

Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?"

"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!"

"Well congratulations, you're holding him!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
'my advice to all of you is to marry.if you get a good wife,you will be happy,if you get a bad one you become a philosopher, socrates

An Igbo man went to the holy land, he visited the sea of Galilee. When he saw a boat, he asked how much the boatman would take him across the sea. $500 said the boatman.
"Chineke" screamed the Igbo man. "No wonder Jesus walked on water".

@sawmilla
keep 'em coming bro

Crazykid.That is so crazy.Loved it!

thanks Izoneb

lovely jokes. got me real good.

An aeroplane is flying over the USA. The pilot says the plane is losing height and all the baggage must be thrown out. (Pilot) "We're still losing height, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin" Despite more things being thrown out the plane continues its descent. (Pilot) "Still going down - we must throw out some people" There's a big gasp from the passengers! (Pilot) "But to make this fair - passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order, so A, any Africans on board?" No one moves. (Pilot) "B, any Blacks on board?" No one moves. (Pilot) "C, any Caribbeans on board?" Still no one moves. Little black boy asks his dad , "Dad,what are we?" (Dad) "Tonight son,we are Zulus.

Going To Jesus

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today."

"What?" his father replied.

"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"

3 Requirements

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

500$

Two couples were playing cards one evening. One of the husbands, Jerry, accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Ray's wife Shaniqua, had her legs spread wide, and she wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jerry, upon trying to sit up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jerry went into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Shaniqua followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under the table?"

Surprised by her boldness, Jerry courageously admitted that, well, yes, he did. She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jerry indicated that he was indeed interested.

She told him that since her husband, Ray, works Friday afternoons and Jerry doesn't, that Jerry should be at her house around 2:00 PM, Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolls around, Jerry shows up at Ray's house for sex with Ray's wife at 2:00 PM sharp, and after paying her the agreed upon $500.00, they go to her bedroom and have fantastic sex, just as Shaniqua had promised. Afterwards, Jerry quickly dresses and leaves.

As was his habit at 6:00 PM, Ray returned home from work. Upon entering the house and encountering his wife, he asked loudly, "Did Jerry come by with my money?"

With a lump in her throat, Ray's wife answered, "Oh yeah, he did stop by here for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when Ray curtly asked, "And did he give you $500.00?"

In terror she assumed she'd somehow been found out, and after mustering up her best poker face, she replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me five hundred dollars."

Ray, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised Shaniqua by saying, "Good, I was hoping so. Jerry came by my office this morning and borrowed five hundred dollars from me. He promised me he'd stop by this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

@sawmilla

Bros i really respect ur sense of humour
are u a comedian or where do u get al the jokes from??

@SAM MILLA u are my guy

yeah,i am a comedian.thanks and watch out for more funny jokes

which kind insult be this

An Igbo man went to the holy land, he visited the sea of Galilee. When he saw a boat, he asked how much the boatman would take him across the sea. $500 said the boatman.
"Chineke" screamed the Igbo man. "No wonder Jesus walked on water".

must u use igbo

you're so good milla, keep it up,

4 by 4 equation.

  A young school lad was off to school one morning. On his way, he saw a parked jeep on the road side with an inscription '4x4' on its side. On getting closer to have a better look, he ponders over the inscription on it and thought of how easy it is for him to solve the equation. Upon looking to the ground he saw a broken piece of glass. With it he marked on the vehicle '=16' right after the inscription 4x4. In a satisfied state, he left.
 Hours later, the vehicle owner came by and was furious to see the scratched marks on his jeep. With no choice he took the vehicle to where the marks were repainted.
  The next day while off to school again, the lad came across this same vehicle still with the equation 4x4, but with no =16. For minutes he thought about it all over again. Did i get it wrong? He asked himself. After more minutes of pondering over this still convinced that the right answer was 16, he took the piece of grass again and wrote =16 on the same spot as of before and then left. The owner came by hours later and was madly cross to see  the mess on his vehicle again of which he had spent much to abolish. Left with barely no choice, he had the marked spot on the jeep repainted again.
 The same incidence happened over and over again untill the man's attention was drawn to the reason of such marks on his vehicle. After much thought on that, he decided to leave the jeep the way it is with the solved equation on its side.
  While on his way off to school the next day, this lad was so delightful to see this same vehicle with its inscription in full 4x4=16. With a satisfactory mind he picked a piece of glass and marked the solved equation 'GOOD'.

what a brilliant lad!

4 by 4 equation.

  A young school lad was off to school one morning. On his way, he saw a parked jeep on the road side with an inscription '4x4' on its side. On getting closer to have a better look, he ponders over the inscription on it and thought of how easy it is for him to solve the equation. Upon looking to the ground he saw a broken piece of glass. With it he marked on the vehicle '=16' right after the inscription 4x4. In a satisfied state, he left.
 Hours later, the vehicle owner came by and was furious to see the scratched marks on his jeep. With no choice he took the vehicle to where the marks were repainted.
  The next day while off to school again, the lad came across this same vehicle still with the equation 4x4, but with no =16. For minutes he thought about it all over again. Did i get it wrong? He asked himself. After more minutes of pondering over this still convinced that the right answer was 16, he took the piece of grass again and wrote =16 on the same spot as of before and then left. The owner came by hours later and was madly cross to see  the mess on his vehicle again of which he had spent much to abolish. Left with barely no choice, he had the marked spot on the jeep repainted again.
 The same incidence happened over and over again untill the man's attention was drawn to the reason of such marks on his vehicle. After much thought on that, he decided to leave the jeep the way it is with the solved equation on its side.
  While on his way off to school the next day, this lad was so delightful to see this same vehicle with its inscription in full 4x4=16. With a satisfactory mind he picked a piece of glass and marked the solved equation 'GOOD'.

what a brilliant lad!

Goodone Sam milla, crazykid and eminex.

please keep sending more

they are all silly jokes
and i love them all
good work guys~

@crazy kid
ur totally crazy.lol !!!!!!!!!

hey hey, who digged this old joke of mine out again?

Goldfish has no hiding place. Some cokastic jokes there!

Guys,
u are doing a wonderful job here. could u believe that my supervisor gave memo for laugh loudly in the office, i jsu have to laugh cos i can't control my self again, dont worry guys i will handle my memo, i need more of your jokes