Bisi Adewale

“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes. Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir”. Song 1:15-17

We can use different colours to report different kind of marriages around us. Every marriage has colour that represents it. You need to learn about these colours then change the colour of your own marriage.

1. Black Marriage. This is the marriage of unbelievers, people who do not know the Lord, whose marriage is not based on Biblical principles but on worldly philosophy and human understanding. This marriage is always full of strife, demonstration of flesh and negative habits and character. “The way of the wicked is as darkness: they know not at what they stumble”. Proverbs 4:19.

2. Yellow Marriage. This is a marriage at “drifting level”. It was once full of love, intimacy, acceptance, romance and joy. Due to carelessness or busyness of the couples involved, they begin to neglect each other, taking each other for granted, remove courtesy, honour and respect, spends less and less time together. No more playing time, no time to do those “sweet things” they use to do when they were in courtship and honey moon, they allow other things to be their focus instead of each other. At this stage of marriage, women are known to put all their attention on their children to the detriment of their marriage, leaving their marriage to grow “yellowish” and dry. Men at drifting love or yellow marriage put all their attention on their jobs and friends; having no time for the marriage and family. “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent”. Rev 2:4-5

3. Orange Marriage. Marriage at this level has grown beyond “yellow level”, since nothing is done to arrest the situation. It grows deeper into “matrimonial dillusion”. At this stage, it is not just about “drifting” from each other, it is about “hurting” each other. The marriage now involve outburst of anger, hatred, bickering, fighting, peace today; fight tomorrow, hurting each other with words, etc.

4. Red Marriage (Proverbs 19:13-14). This is a bleeding marriage; it has gone beyond drifting and hurting to bleeding. The truth is, when marriage is not attended to at yellow level, it will grow orange before going to red, if the signal is still ignored. A red marriage is a terrible marriage. A marriage devoid of love, joy, care, affection, attention, communication and passion. It is full of total war, violence, all-out-battle, malice, cutting remarks, abusive words and murderous thoughts. A red marriage is a marriage at its worst. Some couples at this stage, seek for help in the right places, some in the wrong places, compounding their problems, some will not look for help from anybody, they will just remain like that fighting battles all their live while some will opt out of the marriage, ending up as divorcees. Proverbs 21:19

5. Pink Marriage. This is the kind of marriage where the woman is in charge; ruling and reigning over the husband. In this kind of marriage, competition, rivalry, power struggle and in-fighting is the order of the day; making life difficult for everybody. The order of God is for the husband to be the head of the home and the wife submit to him. 1 Cor. 11:3, 8-9. Marriage is always difficult when this divine order from God is not followed and respected.

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