|Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New|
Stats: 1,991,486 members, 4,199,579 topics. Date: Saturday, 21 April 2018 at 12:41 AM
(0) (Go Down)
|If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 2:25pm On Sep 11, 2006|
Three friends die in a car accident, and upon their arrival to heaven, they are all asked, "When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first man says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last man replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING HIS ARMS AND LEGS!'"
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 2:40pm On Sep 11, 2006|
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and G.W.BUSH are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"g w bush" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable.then BUSH " says, "Fill it with water."
We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 2:47pm On Sep 11, 2006|
John and Mike are walking from religious service. John wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Mike replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So John goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
John goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Mike goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 2:49pm On Sep 11, 2006|
Accepting The Commandments
God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the ITALIANS"what commandment do you offer us they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not murder." They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."
Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not steal." They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested."
Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife." "Sorry we are not interested," they answered.
Finally he approached the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten.
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 3:02pm On Sep 11, 2006|
Just a second!
A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God
"God? You there, God?" he asked.
"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.
"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.
"Go ahead, my son, anything."
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny."
The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question. "God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "Sure, give me a second."
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 3:20pm On Sep 11, 2006|
There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.
"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."
"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.
Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time--15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."
And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.
While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who'd sought his council years earlier, he rang the doorbell.
Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife.
"My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!"
"He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone.
"Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest.
"To blow out that candle you lit!"
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 6:14pm On Sep 11, 2006|
The Pope arrives at JFK and he's met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, "Pope."
After getting all the Pope's luggage loaded in the limo-and His Holiness doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Hey, Mr. Pope," says the driver in accented English, "Why have you not seated yourself in the excellent limo?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive."
"That is very much against the rules!" protested the driver, wishing he'd never left Calcutta.
"There might be something extra in it for you," said the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope got in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to 105 mph.
"Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr. Pope," pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal. Then they heard the siren.
"Oh, my Gods, now I am surely losing my license," moaned the driver.
The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he said to the dispatch.
When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that he'd stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I think the guy's a big shot," said the cop.
"All the more reason."
"No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop.
"What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
"I don't know," said the cop. "But he's got the Pope driving for him.
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by Oracle(m): 12:24am On Sep 12, 2006|
Final words: The third guy still wants to enjoy life on earth
Poor Osama: Bush is really hell-bent on bringing him down
John and Mike's adventure is cool
Just a second: He has to wait forever for the penny
The commandments: Don't really understand that one
the couple and the pope are also very funny
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 1:18pm On Sep 12, 2006|
oracle,you understand jokes very well.i wish you a laughy life, life is a joke, keep it up, try switching to volume 4.
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by babonboard(f): 2:15pm On Sep 12, 2006|
nice ones u have there keep it upppp
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by AKPAKA(m): 7:49pm On Sep 13, 2006|
this guy is a perfect jokes man, keep it up.
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by dabby(f): 10:42am On May 09, 2007|
that was so hilarious.
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by ikejoe(m): 1:06pm On May 09, 2007|
?from jokes dis get u do where Guy!!
off headmy laffing me got they(((((((((((((( i know say u go fit figure am out)))))))))))
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 2:05pm On May 10, 2007|
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by CrazyMan(m): 7:50pm On May 11, 2007|
Nice one man, keep it up
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 3:47pm On Oct 21, 2008|
another one from 2006 archive.
when d going was good
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by tytylayor: 3:58pm On Oct 21, 2008|
wen sam was still sam
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 3:59pm On Oct 21, 2008|
hey, what am i now?
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by tytylayor: 4:03pm On Oct 21, 2008|
u r sammy nw
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 4:04pm On Oct 21, 2008|
tyty make i no catch you there
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by kay9(m): 4:18pm On Oct 21, 2008|
Yea, he ain't "sam" anymore; he is now "KING KONG SAMMY".
Imagine, crazykid says: nice one man, keep it up. And sam milla replies: thanks man.
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by krama(m): 4:29pm On Oct 21, 2008|
More grease to your elbow
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by SamMilla1(m): 4:36pm On Oct 21, 2008|
I PREFER MORE MONEY IN MY POCKET
|Re: If You Cannt Laugh .vol 2 by tytylayor: 4:42pm On Oct 21, 2008|
and more kokolets attached to it
|Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health |
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket
Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2018 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 93