I woke up at around 9:30am on the 26th of may, 2015 feeling happy but unfortunately I don't know why am happy. I went to the kitchen (very hungry), took two sachet of small noodles; turn on my stove; placed my pot on the stove; poured water into the empty pot then I percieved the scent together with the aroma of cooked fried rice. It must be coming from my neighbour, me feeling hungry, I turned off my stove with thanksgiving song in my mouth thanking God that he has provided my breakfast. I rushed to my neighbour with a spoon in my pocket, on getting there, my neighbour was celebrating his birthday. It is a normal culture and tradition in my hostel that anybody celebrating his/her birthday, we must use water(permit my expression if I may even use waters). As a sharp Nigerian student, I lied about my date of birth on several occasions to avoid being bathed by water on the day of my birthday. I told five different people five different dates of birth just to avoid this water splashing tradition. The splashing of water on the celebrant was fun, in short, the celebrant does not need to take his bath that morning because we had already bath him (we were like 8 in number). All this was done after consuming the delicious fried rice with no chicken. We are students so chicken or meat on any meal is classified as waste of money. Just then I heard the sound of a goat in my kitchen. I must have left the kitchen door opened so I rushed to the kitchen only to see a black nigerian goat eating my last tuber of yam, before anything, I silently picked a huge stick so as to beat the life out of the goat. It was as if the goat has supernatural powers or infrared rays to suspect that something is about to happen, before I knew it, the goat ran away without even having a taste out of my huge stick(don't misquote me oooo, i am not talking about my d*ck). I closed the kitchen door and went inside in annoyance, took my dead torchlight phone in annoyance and left. I then went to the fifth street at a filling station. No no no, I didn't go there to buy there 400naira per litre petrol but went there to charge my phone. When I got there, I saw wonders, if I should count the phones plugged to the extensions, it should be going to about 80 mobile phones. In short, the whole community had turned the filling station into a charging station, what shall I do? I joined the charging team now, I quickly plugged my dead torchlight phone. I saw some of my friends and told them to keep an eye on my phone. Not too long, suddenly I heard gunshots! What shall I do? I didn't know how I jumped the fence to the other side of the petrol station or how my phone got to my hand, it was a miracle. As a sharp Nigerian guy, I want to witness all what was really going on at the petrol station, two guys with black tops and masked face. One of them pointed an AK-47 to the petrol attendant and the other brought out two 50litre kegs out of a toyota camry car. Just then, the petrol attendant filled up the two 50litre kegs to the brim, then I heard the armed robbers saying, "Give me the fucking money!" Abeg who don see money whey dey Bleep ?? Guess what, I heard the sound of a siren, who could it be, its our friend, the Anti-Robbery Squad(Oga Police). I call them our friend because if you receive the slap or a Nigerian Soldier and a Nigerian police, you will know that truly, police is our friend. The police car was moving slowly, probably at a speed of 40km/hr, even Usain Bolt could run faster than the car. Then when they eventually got to the scene, one of the policeman inside the car said from afar, "This is the anti-robbery squad, Drop your weapons or we shoot". The armed robbers just pack those petrol filled kegs into their car and drove off easily. The policeman just pointed at them from afar and could not fire at all. Maybe each bullet costs 10,000naira or more if fired and will be deducted from their salary, maybe the policeman had no bullet in his gun, maybe toy guns are now being supplied to policemen, maybe the policemen had planned it. I kept thinking in my mind just as I saw a man around 40years of age crying like a 2years old girl. People moved closer to the man only to figure out that the man is the General Manager of the petrol station. How much was lost self? 400naira per litre X 100litres, just 40k and this man is crying ? He must be crazy. I didn't know the armed robbers eventually collected money from the petrol attendant and even entered the office of the General Manager. I later heard from the sales manager that the armed robbers took more than 2million naira. Shooo! Sometimes I wonder, how can my mum be collecting a salary of 50k, she will give me 5k as pocket money to do fine boy in school, although my fine boy does not last more than 2 weeks, after 2 weeks, I'll start jumping from lodge to lodge with spoon in my pocket. My mum manages the remaining 45k for the rest of the month. We say Nigerian economy is getting worse day by day and some Nigerians are making it day by day. I pray for success and blessing in abundant for each and everyone reading this thread particularly for me, so that I won't get angry when I listen to songs like Olamide - Real MVP. How can I be singing "owo wole wole wole lati canada gan, owo wole wole wole lati maimi gan" meaning "huge sum of money comes from canada and maimi" when there is no money coming from anywhere and i will be in school eating garri and sugar.....
Anyway, I just created an online portal for every reader of this thread to create a VIP profile page, broadcast sms messages (a form of free bulk sms to everyone that subscribe to your profile page), image and text broadcast(a form of broadcasting to everybody on the website), and so on. Just log on to www.ttprofile.com. Its not a blog, its not a forum(it can't even be a forum, the great NairaLand is there for us), its a social network launched on 26th may 2015. Less I forget, this is just a write-up except for the website above. Policemen, General Managers, Phone chargers, All celebrants, Students, Thread readers, I Love You All

learn to summarize abeg... what a long story

Thats it