Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell.
God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly.
Satan proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth. God, always fair, told the devil, 'the heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?'
The devil, smiling, responded 'yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."

A football hooligan appeared in court charged with disorderly conduct and assault. The arresting officer, giving evidence, stated that the accused had thrown something into the canal. `What exactly was it that he threw into the canall' asked the magistrate.
'Stones, sir.'
'Well, that's hardly an offence is it?'
'It was in this case, sir,' said the police officer. 'Stones was the referee.

At a local derby between two rival teams a spectator suddenly found himself in the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
'There's nothing to worry about, lad,' said the elderly chap standing next to him. 'It's like the bombs during the war. You won't get hit unless the bottle's got your name on it.'
'That's just what I'm worried about,' said the fan. 'My name's Johnny Walker'