Yes o, I have already started planing my burial.
Weather it is still far or it's coming near, that
stuff needs to get planned. If I don't plan it
myself now, who will? Some crappy extended
family dude? Nah; he might not have the kind of
taste I like and go and plan nonsense.
Yeah, relax. I know what you are thinking. I know
you think that by posting these Mr. Death will log
onto his Facebook account, scroll down his
timeline, see my update and come and look for
me.
Let me not divert sha. This post is not about
superstition and why you need to knock yourself
out of it.
So I will focus on Burial Planning
About a couple of weeks back I was in a bus. I
was travelling and like always I was seated to
the left of the bus, staring out of the window, my
ear piece in my ear - as in, I was bored
senseless listening to the replay of the 19 songs
on my phone. I have this 1gig memory card that
is filled up to the brim, so if I want to get a new
song sent to me then I would have to delete one
song, or more, to make space for the new song.
But again, I'm digressing. I need to Focus - burial
planing
We got into a really deserted community; no
people - just a stretched coal-tarred road. I was
about giving up hope of seeing humans when all
of a sudden they showed up ahead , lots of
them; in a fairly small unfenced compound by
the roadside - there was loud music, people were
dancing, food was moving round.
The car I was in got closer and I saw that the
party was even "hotter" than I thought. It was
like a bloody dancing competition, as in, it
reminded me of Maltina dance hall.
At first I thought it was a traditional wedding.
Then I saw the obituary picture just as our bus
speed by. But that wasn't all I saw; somewhere
by the corner of the whole madness I saw a
group of women
scrambling for food. I mean, for people who
came to mourn they were
having a hell of a good time.
It got me mad, so I'm giving this warning.
I would want no dancing at my burial; it's not a
bash. Anybody who feels the urge to dance
should look for a club. When I raised this in front
of a friend he attacked me viciously; "The
dancing is to celebrate Life of the person who
had died" he screamed at me.
I had laughed.
Walk up to that young man sweating on a burial
"dance floor" and ask him why he is dancing.
Then listen to his answer...then use his answer
to know if he is celebrating life or just having a
good time. And the way they dance with such
reckless abandon is heartbreaking, showing their
teeth - smiling away and getting money sprayed
on them!
Abeg no dancing joor, my burial wound not be a
fund raising event.
My next wish; let a bouncer stand at the door.
No invitation cards, no entry. Africans feel they
just have to pack up the whole place with people
or the dead dude would look like "he knew
nobody". Nah, I think only people who matter
should come, people who love me, people who
are really hurt by my demise.
There was this burial in my village where the
umunna went into shouting feats over food;
shouting because they didn't bring their food on
time.
Like really?
That's what happens when you don't do this stuff
with IVs. If Umunna John is a talkative; he
shouldn't show - no IV for him. If he is the type
who likes food, abeg, let his eyes not touch the
IV. If he shows up without been invited, he is to
be asked politely to go home and wait for
pictures.
My burial would not be a place where some
dudes would be concerned in filling their
stomachs rather than in paying me last respects
Finally; no food. It would be written in the IV sef:
"Please eat at home before coming, it's not a
party we are throwing"
The day I cringed like crazy was when I overhead
a man who wanted to rush out of the house for
a burial telling his wife, who was planing to eat,
to be quick and forget the meal because their
would be food at the burial.
Eh?!
No food in my burial jare!. They should eat at
home and come. If they want a bash, they
should go to a bash.
The dead should not be mocked. Someone dies
and you show up and "scatter the dance floor"?
Eat a plate and look for another one? Go for free
bottles of stout and get drunk?
See, if you don't feel pain or a sense of loss for
someone who died the person never meant
anything to you - Just stay at home.Yes o, I have already started planing my burial.
Weather it is still far or it's coming near, that
stuff needs to get planned. If I don't plan it
myself now, who will? Some crappy extended
family dude? Nah; he might not have the kind of
taste I like and go and plan nonsense.
Yeah, relax. I know what you are thinking. I know
you think that by posting these Mr. Death will log
onto his Facebook account, scroll down his
timeline, see my update and come and look for
me.
Let me not divert sha. This post is not about
superstition and why you need to knock yourself
out of it.
So I will focus on Burial Planning
About a couple of weeks back I was in a bus. I
was travelling and like always I was seated to
the left of the bus, staring out of the window, my
ear piece in my ear - as in, I was bored
senseless listening to the replay of the 19 songs
on my phone. I have this 1gig memory card that
is filled up to the brim, so if I want to get a new
song sent to me then I would have to delete one
song, or more, to make space for the new song.
But again, I'm digressing. I need to Focus - burial
planing
We got into a really deserted community; no
people - just a stretched coal-tarred road. I was
about giving up hope of seeing humans when all
of a sudden they showed up ahead , lots of
them; in a fairly small unfenced compound by
the roadside - there was loud music, people were
dancing, food was moving round.
The car I was in got closer and I saw that the
party was even "hotter" than I thought. It was
like a bloody dancing competition, as in, it
reminded me of Maltina dance hall.
At first I thought it was a traditional wedding.
Then I saw the obituary picture just as our bus
speed by. But that wasn't all I saw; somewhere
by the corner of the whole madness I saw a
group of women
scrambling for food. I mean, for people who
came to mourn they were
having a hell of a good time.
It got me mad, so I'm giving this warning.
I would want no dancing at my burial; it's not a
bash. Anybody who feels the urge to dance
should look for a club. When I raised this in front
of a friend he attacked me viciously; "The
dancing is to celebrate Life of the person who
had died" he screamed at me.
I had laughed.
Walk up to that young man sweating on a burial
"dance floor" and ask him why he is dancing.
Then listen to his answer...then use his answer
to know if he is celebrating life or just having a
good time. And the way they dance with such
reckless abandon is heartbreaking, showing their
teeth - smiling away and getting money sprayed
on them!
Abeg no dancing joor, my burial wound not be a
fund raising event.
My next wish; let a bouncer stand at the door.
No invitation cards, no entry. Africans feel they
just have to pack up the whole place with people
or the dead dude would look like "he knew
nobody". Nah, I think only people who matter
should come, people who love me, people who
are really hurt by my demise.
There was this burial in my village where the
umunna went into shouting feats over food;
shouting because they didn't bring their food on
time.
Like really?
That's what happens when you don't do this stuff
with IVs. If Umunna John is a talkative; he
shouldn't show - no IV for him. If he is the type
who likes food, abeg, let his eyes not touch the
IV. If he shows up without been invited, he is to
be asked politely to go home and wait for
pictures.
My burial would not be a place where some
dudes would be concerned in filling their
stomachs rather than in paying me last respects
Finally; no food. It would be written in the IV sef:
"Please eat at home before coming, it's not a
party we are throwing"
The day I cringed like crazy was when I overhead
a man who wanted to rush out of the house for
a burial telling his wife, who was planing to eat,
to be quick and forget the meal because their
would be food at the burial.
Eh?!
No food in my burial jare!. They should eat at
home and come. If they want a bash, they
should go to a bash.
The dead should not be mocked. Someone dies
and you show up and "scatter the dance floor"?
Eat a plate and look for another one? Go for free
bottles of stout and get drunk?
See, if you don't feel pain or a sense of loss for
someone who died the person never meant
anything to you - Just stay at home.Yes o, I have already started planing my burial.
Weather it is still far or it's coming near, that
stuff needs to get planned. If I don't plan it
myself now, who will? Some crappy extended
family dude? Nah; he might not have the kind of
taste I like and go and plan nonsense.
Yeah, relax. I know what you are thinking. I know
you think that by posting these Mr. Death will log
onto his Facebook account, scroll down his
timeline, see my update and come and look for
me.
Let me not divert sha. This post is not about
superstition and why you need to knock yourself
out of it.
So I will focus on Burial Planning
About a couple of weeks back I was in a bus. I
was travelling and like always I was seated to
the left of the bus, staring out of the window, my
ear piece in my ear - as in, I was bored
senseless listening to the replay of the 19 songs
on my phone. I have this 1gig memory card that
is filled up to the brim, so if I want to get a new
song sent to me then I would have to delete one
song, or more, to make space for the new song.
But again, I'm digressing. I need to Focus - burial
planing
We got into a really deserted community; no
people - just a stretched coal-tarred road. I was
about giving up hope of seeing humans when all
of a sudden they showed up ahead , lots of
them; in a fairly small unfenced compound by
the roadside - there was loud music, people were
dancing, food was moving round.
The car I was in got closer and I saw that the
party was even "hotter" than I thought. It was
like a bloody dancing competition, as in, it
reminded me of Maltina dance hall.
At first I thought it was a traditional wedding.
Then I saw the obituary picture just as our bus
speed by. But that wasn't all I saw; somewhere
by the corner of the whole madness I saw a
group of women
scrambling for food. I mean, for people who
came to mourn they were
having a hell of a good time.
It got me mad, so I'm giving this warning.
I would want no dancing at my burial; it's not a
bash. Anybody who feels the urge to dance
should look for a club. When I raised this in front
of a friend he attacked me viciously; "The
dancing is to celebrate Life of the person who
had died" he screamed at me.
I had laughed.
Walk up to that young man sweating on a burial
"dance floor" and ask him why he is dancing.
Then listen to his answer...then use his answer
to know if he is celebrating life or just having a
good time. And the way they dance with such
reckless abandon is heartbreaking, showing their
teeth - smiling away and getting money sprayed
on them!
Abeg no dancing joor, my burial wound not be a
fund raising event.
My next wish; let a bouncer stand at the door.
No invitation cards, no entry. Africans feel they
just have to pack up the whole place with people
or the dead dude would look like "he knew
nobody". Nah, I think only people who matter
should come, people who love me, people who
are really hurt by my demise.
There was this burial in my village where the
umunna went into shouting feats over food;
shouting because they didn't bring their food on
time.
Like really?
That's what happens when you don't do this stuff
with IVs. If Umunna John is a talkative; he
shouldn't show - no IV for him. If he is the type
who likes food, abeg, let his eyes not touch the
IV. If he shows up without been invited, he is to
be asked politely to go home and wait for
pictures.
My burial would not be a place where some
dudes would be concerned in filling their
stomachs rather than in paying me last respects
Finally; no food. It would be written in the IV sef:
"Please eat at home before coming, it's not a
party we are throwing"
The day I cringed like crazy was when I overhead
a man who wanted to rush out of the house for
a burial telling his wife, who was planing to eat,
to be quick and forget the meal because their
would be food at the burial.
Eh?!
No food in my burial jare!. They should eat at
home and come. If they want a bash, they
should go to a bash.
The dead should not be mocked. Someone dies
and you show up and "scatter the dance floor"?
Eat a plate and look for another one? Go for free
bottles of stout and get drunk?
See, if you don't feel pain or a sense of loss for
someone who died the person never meant
anything to you - Just stay at home.

Am posting here for the first time so if there is any mistakes and error correct me thank you for your time.

funny,hilarious,crazy,weird but on point.

NO POINT!

If really, you want it to make more sense, you'll av to change culture which will take you years.

You're trying to change d tradition about 95% of Nigerians do... Oh! Tedious!