[b]This has brought me solace in knowing I am not alone after all, I am not just some weird entity but there are people just like me put there, suffering in silence. I am 30 years old.

I was born into a the most disfunctional home no child should grow up in. I grew up with my dad and never got to meet my mother until far into my teens. My dad, intelligent, extremely principled and benevolent was also the most vicious and sadistic father I have ever met. I grew up living in absolute fear of my father, emphasis on the word "absolute". Unlike my friends I never had a mother and W's often mocked for it. At school I cook up stories about having a mother and tell nonexistent stories of my mom just to feel among. I never had motherly care and love.

My father most timesuccessful blame me for his woes and never shy aware of telling me how worthless I am,this was before I was even 10 years old yet I remember vividly the cold wards, they are forever etched in my memory. Lacking in motherly care and livING with a father the pain and fear I felt made me lose so muche weight. When everhe is mad or any he takes it out on me. I remember him telling me to my face to "just look at your self, you look like someone who has AIDS", the disgust on his face all too real I shudder. He lost his joband as usual I am to blame. I was the poorest guyboth at home and in school. My school uniform was so dirty and patched that I wake up very early, as early as 6 rush to school (schoold resumes just to avoid the embarrassing stare I get romantic anyone whother sees me. I get to school I hide in class while others go tot he assembly field juSt so I won't be laughed at. While others wear sandals I wear two different legs of bathroom slippers, sometimes I go barefooted. Lacking in friends and care my self esteem was rock bottom.

If I do wrong he metts his anger my having me take off my cloths,lie on the table then he brings out a very thick rubber pipe with sharp geometric patterns, I don't even want to remember the excruciating pain. Failure for him to secure a job he wentinto substitence farming and as usual drags me along. If I mess up in farm he uses thick twigs with so much force on me like his life depended on it. We work long hours under the hot sun from 8 am to 6 pm every fucking day. Holding a cutlass and hoe while going to farm I pass my classmates who just laugh. At this point I was arguably the most miserable guy in the history of this planet but in my age I could not understand why my life was so different, why I couldn't be like my friends. At home at the creak of his door opening I go I to panic mode by default. It's so bad i stutter ,it takes me nearly 20 seconds to say" good morning dad", I am lucky if his response doesn't come with a mighty slap. I could not figure out why I could speak normal to anybody but in the presence of my dad I just can't stop stammering, it feels so mechanical I cannot control it.

At the age of 12 I have had enough,I woke up one morning an decided enough is enough, I am not going to school to be mocked at again because I had no shoes, I took my nag and some cloths and ran away from home. I had no idea where I was going I just knew anywhere will be better than this evil place I call hoke. It was this time I experienced first hand the word "walking in circles".I trekked and trekked and trekked without food or water till it was dark, I knew I was going in circles because I kept seeing the same ole Mr Biggs signboard no mater what route I take.

It was during this experience I knew first hand a God exists and he loves me. At about 9:30 pm going on ten, after walking such distance without food I came across some group of guys, or men I should say. They asked where I was going, I lied I was headed home but missed my way hence....I could see the surprise on his face...A 12 year old kid walking around the streets of Lagos LOST.He took me home, gave me somehting to eat and allowed me sleep on a his bed. May God forever bless that man where ever he is. Next morning he woke me up and the I was again walking. Now by this time I was very tired, hungry and helpless but this was paradise compared to where I call home. I decided to sit on a pavement to rest before continuing my journey to "Neverland" and lo and behold there was my dad's friend. ShIt !!. In shock and horror I attempted running away but I wasneed fast enough, he grabbed me by the arm, all I could do was scream "he wants to kill me, let me go". We boarded a bus and 9 ft we went. ,, the closer we got to home the more difficult it became for me to breath. I was petrified, scared ShIt and panic. For the sake of time I will cut this short.

Barely days after returning home I knew I was in for a rough timestimate. To my suprise and relief he did not give me the take off your cloths lie down treatment. He stares at me in he face with us here disgust and contempt I wish the ground could open up and swallow me whole. Without a job the economic realities of Nigeria was really hitting home. We ate oncentre a day and that is under the blistering sun in the farm labouring like slave while my mates are in scool. He spits on my face when he's mad and lay punches on my face like we were in a boxing ring. I can only run and when I do he roots out his machette, this was the period I knew I had the potential to be anotified athlete, a sprinter. On several occasions he tells me to face how his friend or father (which ever, can't be sure) was in his farm with histrouble son and one day he decide to kill his son and Burry him there without anyone knowing, then he beats his chest and tels me to my face "I CAN DO THAT".

There are times he tells me to go and commit suicide because I am worthless, a non entity. He once told me to my face "YOU WILL DIE YOUNG OR GO TO PRISON BEFORE YOU ARE 20, I AM NOT SWEARING FOR YOU, BUT THAT IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE USELLIS!" I have twin brothers ( I am the first son) who treated me like an slowpoke. Years of seeing my dad insult and demean me mad them lose respect for me. I am ganged up against and fought. The list of abuse is endless and if I am to state them one by one it will take me a whole day.

However the first time I knew I was seriously different was when I was out with my younger brother, seeing his classmates he distances himself fromy me. Weird the brim conversation between them both went like this"

Friend:Hey,where are you going? So this is your brother.
Brother: No pop, how can this one be my brother.
Friend: laughs, why are you lieing , is he not your brother?
Brother: No, how can this one be my brother.

Ha!there i was standing in embarassment watching the drama unfold. Yearso of hunger, pain and emotinal distress has made me look like the most horrible looking return ever made, think, sunken eyes, someone once told me when he looks I to my eyes I seem lost, dejected. I must have behaved abnormal or odd sometimes but without even knowing it, I could pass for a mad man and one wouldn't be too wrong. So the I was, ugly, hungry,in pain and one to ask for help I quietly resigned to my fate. Everyone called me "born throway, abnormal, slowpoke,". I was written off as one with no prospect, no future, no potential. My brothers were the stars, I on the other hand was the embarrassment.

But, GOD loves. I am not a saint, I barely even go to church, but neither am I a bad person. I am benevolent, I hate to see people get hurt but I was always at the receiving end of the unimaginable emotional pain and suffErin. I endured growing up. My mom has been living abroad since she left my dad when I was at the age of two, so after all these years she established communication with us and made plans to come back home. I was never privy of her coming, no one bothered telling me until I was 3 days to her arrival, yes I was this "worthless in the eyes of my family".when she came we met her at the airport. Going home the steady stare of my own mom made me contemplate suicide, it was official I was the most worthless and weird piece of ShIt, a freak of nature, as is the custom my brother got PlayStation 3 game console, the other one a camcoder, my nephew (momssister) a Toshiba Laptop,.......then me, A short sleeve shirt with the word Aloha write all over it.

Enter the present:

God decided to intervene in my life in the year 2007. To save you the details and time I metarmofoused from a low life unloved freak of nature to a guy everybody wants to hang around with. I never quite understood why God W's being so nice to me, I hardly attend church services, I was not born again but the blessings came pouring me it mystifies me even to this very day as i type these words. In one stroke I have become the richest man in the history of my family and I mean every word I said, it is not an exaggeration. With God giving new found financial clout started having confidence and as my confidence grew so did my physical appearance. I went from UG-LEE to Brad Pitt. Despite the past I love my family and never hesitated to help each and every one. I boughthink a car worth N4.5 million and invested on my family, fixing the house, taking care of financial issues. ..at a point I gave my dad N20, 000 every 3 days for no particular reason, just so he can do whatever he likes with it. I send one to my mom abroad. Generally everyone around me is always happy.

Conclusion:

While I have forgiven my family and will never hold them accountable nor use my financI also clout as payback it is extremely hard to forget, it is etched forger in my head and years ofabuse, hurt, tears and pain has greatly affected my life. I have no girlfriend because I have borderline personality disorder, in essence I amight overtly too sensitive yeto emotional cold. I shower them with the good things of life but shy away from emotions. I do not know how toften emotionally connnect with a girl because I have never had that kind of connection. I have no friend because everybody thinks I am weird and too sensitive. I flare up over the slightest spark. Swift to anger, swift to forgive I have no emotional connection to anyone in the 7 billion people populated planet. I have no emotional tie to my dad, mom, family and friends. People who come close to me doit for the material gain and when they get what they want the dThis has brought me solace in knowing I am not alone after all, I am not just some weird entity but there are people just like me put there, suffering in silence. I am 30 years old.

I was born into a the most disfunctional home no child should grow up in. I grew up with my dad and never got to meet my mother until far into my teens. My dad, intelligent, extremely principled and benevolent was also the most vicious and sadistic father I have ever met. I grew up living in absolute fear of my father, emphasis on the word "absolute". Unlike my friends I never had a mother and W's often mocked for it. At school I cook up stories about having a mother and tell nonexistent stories of my mom just to feel among. I never had motherly care and love.

My father most timesuccessful blame me for his woes and never shy aware of telling me how worthless I am,this was before I was even 10 years old yet I remember vividly the cold wards, they are forever etched in my memory. Lacking in motherly care and livING with a father the pain and fear I felt made me lose so muche weight. When everhe is mad or any he takes it out on me. I remember him telling me to my face to "just look at your self, you look like someone who has AIDS", the disgust on his face all too real I shudder. He lost his joband as usual I am to blame. I was the poorest guyboth at home and in school. My school uniform was so dirty and patched that I wake up very early, as early as 6 rush to school (schoold resumes just to avoid the embarrassing stare I get romantic anyone whother sees me. I get to school I hide in class while others go tot he assembly field juSt so I won't be laughed at. While others wear sandals I wear two different legs of bathroom slippers, sometimes I go barefooted. Lacking in friends and care my self esteem was rock bottom.

If I do wrong he metts his anger my having me take off my cloths,lie on the table then he brings out a very thick rubber pipe with sharp geometric patterns, I don't even want to remember the excruciating pain. Failure for him to secure a job he wentinto substitence farming and as usual drags me along. If I mess up in farm he uses thick twigs with so much force on me like his life depended on it. We work long hours under the hot sun from 8 am to 6 pm every fucking day. Holding a cutlass and hoe while going to farm I pass my classmates who just laugh. At this point I was arguably the most miserable guy in the history of this planet but in my age I could not understand why my life was so different, why I couldn't be like my friends. At home at the creak of his door opening I go I to panic mode by default. It's so bad i stutter ,it takes me nearly 20 seconds to say" good morning dad", I am lucky if his response doesn't come with a mighty slap. I could not figure out why I could speak normal to anybody but in the presence of my dad I just can't stop stammering, it feels so mechanical I cannot control it.

At the age of 12 I have had enough,I woke up one morning an decided enough is enough, I am not going to school to be mocked at again because I had no shoes, I took my nag and some cloths and ran away from home. I had no idea where I was going I just knew anywhere will be better than this evil place I call hoke. It was this time I experienced first hand the word "walking in circles".I trekked and trekked and trekked without food or water till it was dark, I knew I was going in circles because I kept seeing the same ole Mr Biggs signboard no mater what route I take.

It was during this experience I knew first hand a God exists and he loves me. At about 9:30 pm going on ten, after walking such distance without food I came across some group of guys, or men I should say. They asked where I was going, I lied I was headed home but missed my way hence....I could see the surprise on his face...A 12 year old kid walking around the streets of Lagos LOST.He took me home, gave me somehting to eat and allowed me sleep on a his bed. May God forever bless that man where ever he is. Next morning he woke me up and the I was again walking. Now by this time I was very tired, hungry and helpless but this was paradise compared to where I call home. I decided to sit on a pavement to rest before continuing my journey to "Neverland" and lo and behold there was my dad's friend. ShIt !!. In shock and horror I attempted running away but I wasneed fast enough, he grabbed me by the arm, all I could do was scream "he wants to kill me, let me go". We boarded a bus and 9 ft we went. ,, the closer we got to home the more difficult it became for me to breath. I was petrified, scared ShIt and panic. For the sake of time I will cut this short.

Barely days after returning home I knew I was in for a rough timestimate. To my suprise and relief he did not give me the take off your cloths lie down treatment. He stares at me in he face with us here disgust and contempt I wish the ground could open up and swallow me whole. Without a job the economic realities of Nigeria was really hitting home. We ate oncentre a day and that is under the blistering sun in the farm labouring like slave while my mates are in scool. He spits on my face when he's mad and lay punches on my face like we were in a boxing ring. I can only run and when I do he roots out his machette, this was the period I knew I had the potential to be anotified athlete, a sprinter. On several occasions he tells me to face how his friend or father (which ever, can't be sure) was in his farm with histrouble son and one day he decide to kill his son and Burry him there without anyone knowing, then he beats his chest and tels me to my face "I CAN DO THAT".

There are times he tells me to go and commit suicide because I am worthless, a non entity. He once told me to my face "YOU WILL DIE YOUNG OR GO TO PRISON BEFORE YOU ARE 20, I AM NOT SWEARING FOR YOU, BUT THAT IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE USELLIS!" I have twin brothers ( I am the first son) who treated me like an slowpoke. Years of seeing my dad insult and demean me mad them lose respect for me. I am ganged up against and fought. The list of abuse is endless and if I am to state them one by one it will take me a whole day.

However the first time I knew I was seriously different was when I was out with my younger brother, seeing his classmates he distances himself fromy me. Weird the brim conversation between them both went like this"

Friend:Hey,where are you going? So this is your brother.
Brother: No pop, how can this one be my brother.
Friend: laughs, why are you lieing , is he not your brother?
Brother: No, how can this one be my brother.

Ha!there i was standing in embarassment watching the drama unfold. Yearso of hunger, pain and emotinal distress has made me look like the most horrible looking creature ever created. Deep sunken eyes, someone once told me when he looks I to my eyes I seem lost, dejected. I must have behaved abnormal or odd sometimes but without even knowing it, I could pass for a mad man and one wouldn't be too wrong. So the I was, ugly, hungry,in pain and one to ask for help I quietly resigned to my fate. Everyone called me "born throway, abnormal, slowpoke,". I was written off as one with no prospect, no future, no potential. My brothers were the stars, I on the other hand was the embarrassment.

But, GOD loves. I am not a saint, I barely even go to church, but neither am I a bad person. I am benevolent, I hate to see people get hurt but I was always at the receiving end of the unimaginable emotional pain and suffErin. I endured growing up. My mom has been living abroad since she left my dad when I was at the age of two, so after all these years she established communication with us and made plans to come back home. I was never privy of her coming, no one bothered telling me until I was 3 days to her arrival, yes I was this "worthless in the eyes of my family".when she came we met her at the airport. Going home the steady stare of my own mom made me contemplate suicide, it was official I was the most worthless and weird piece of ShIt, a freak of nature, as is the custom my brother got PlayStation 3 game console, the other one a camcoder, my nephew (momssister) a Toshiba Laptop,.......then me, A short sleeve shirt with the word Aloha write all over it.

Enter the present:

God decided to intervene in my life in the year 2007. To save you the details and time I metarmofoused from a low life unloved freak of nature to a guy everybody wants to hang around withme but soon as they get what they want they dissapear. I have so much friends yet very lonely. I cannot keep a relationship because I am abnormally too sensitive and jealous. I have no one I can truly call family except God almighty.

Borderline Personality Disorder is real. The way child is cared for in its formative years determines how mentally sound the child when they grow up. No parent should asault, hate or abuse a child. Just because you gave birth to them doesn't mean you should deny the right of a child to be jus what it is, a kid. I am a victim of emotional and physical abuseright from when I was a child, now I am paying the price, a terrible one at that. Extremely handsome, relatively well to do but lonely. I'm jus a lost soul looking for my home.


[/b]

So touching

Parenting techniques should be made mandatory for everyone above the teen age. Raising a child is more than just applying common sense.

You still need to work on yourself. You have fixed yourself surviving the harshest moments in life and you can do more to completely make yourself a new being.

ayah i feel sorry for you

I just realized I had a teary eyes by the time I finished reading your story. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like. I'll advice you ask the Holy spirit to teach you how to love unconditionally. Its not going to be easy, but He can do all things. Ask Him to fill you up with an overflowing love.

My God this is too much. Parents please be mindful of the way you treat your kids especially during their formative years. Even to those who are not your biological kids. Mind the kind of things you say to them.

Geez...

So totally lost for words..

For the first time in a long while, I'm completely tonguetied.

Only a highly trained and experienced psychologist will be able to sort out your dilemma in every sense of the word.

God be with you @ OP

See a psychologist
Touching story

get a psychologist on 08026614275

Very long and touching story