A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America
from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to
nominate competent candidates for President of
the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective immediately. (You
should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English
Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
resume monarchical duties over all states,
commonwealths, and territories (except North
Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will
appoint a Governor for America without the need
for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire may be circulated next year to
determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown
dependency, the following rules are introduced
with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such
as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.'
Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-
ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'
Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up
'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words
interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and
'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient
form of communication. There is no such thing
as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take into account the reinstated
letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a
holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues
without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The
fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not quite ready to
be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a
therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to
own or carry anything more dangerous than a
vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler
in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with
roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left
side with immediate effect. At the same time,
you will go metric with immediate effect and
without the benefit of conversion tables. Both
roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol
(which you have been calling gasoline) of
roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those
things you call French fries are not real chips,
and those things you insist on calling potato
chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are
thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not
with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling
beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only
proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,
and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. South
African beer is also acceptable, as they are
pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on
earth and it can only be due to the beer. They
are also part of the British Commonwealth - see
what it did for them. American brands will be
referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to
cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will
also be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell
attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a
Funeral was an experience akin to having one's
ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football.
There is only one kind of proper football; you
call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some
similarities to American football, but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch
of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is
not reasonable to host an event called the World
Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there
is a world beyond your borders, your error is
understandable. You will learn cricket, and we
will let you face the South Africans first to take
the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been
driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector)
from Her Majesty's Government will be with you
shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m.
with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs,
with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a
good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

so?

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Awesomeking:
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Thanks for appreciating