Indifferent and benign,
A man thinks about death.
Indifferent and benign.

Subconscious underneath,
Darkness is dumb.
A man thinks about death.

Dreams in the womb,
A Death we await.
As if life were a tomb.

Death is like a gate.
Death your totalled sum,
Certainty of fate.

Falling through time,
Life is distractions.
death, a faded line.

A man works out his reactions
Indifferent and benign,
learning from distractions.
Death our faded line..

Weak!

Try and beat this my poem (which is on a similar topic)

http://allnaijablog.com/a-memory-of-death

or this one
http://allnaijablog.com/rebirth

AllNaijaBlogger:
Weak!

Try and beat this my poem (which is on a similar topic)

http://allnaijablog.com/a-memory-of-death

It feels weak because there is some sort of disconnection at every line break, which was intentional by the way.

But, I'm doing this once more.

llaykorn:


It feels weak because there is some sort of disconnection at every line break, which was intentional by the way.

But, I'm doing this once more.

haha!

Your poem is actually good. I just said it is weak so that you would view mine

AllNaijaBlogger:


haha!

Your poem is actually good. I just said it is weak so that you would view mine

Hehe. But, ANB, I still wonder sometimes what really makes a good poem. Take a look at the poem in the second link you shared: it's so awesome. The first has some bigger words, longer lines, and it still feels a thousand times better reading the second one.

There is something mystical, very mystical, about simplicity. What'd'ya think?