It is important to be on the same page as your partner, but that does not mean you have to agree on everything. When we first got together, my fiancé and I had completely different money habits, and we fought about it all the time. Years later, we still have those different habits—but the fighting is gone. Here’s how we learned to coexist.
1. We Learned How Different We Were
The more serious our relationship became, the more I noticed Brian’s spending habits. If he got a bonus at work, he spent it all, then and there. If he got a raise, his lifestyle inflated accordingly. Thus, I automatically labelled him a spender. To him, I was a cheapskate: I scrimped and saved to a fault. These labels were easy, but they were also limiting, and they didn’t do much for understanding each other.
In order to correct our perspectives of each other, we had to discuss it a little deeper. To do this, I suggested we find our money philosophies(though I’m sure I called it something less corny to get him on board). We simply talked about our relationship with money and what it represented. To me, not having money was scary, and that’s why I saved: it represented security. To him, money was just money. You earn it and you spend it, because that’s what it’s there for.Understanding his view helped me see that sometimes, money is just a tool. Understanding mine helped him see money can represent something bigger.
I had a tendency to idealize money; he had a tendency to trivialize it. Learning how we were different did not immediately solve anything, but the awareness (and a healthy dose of empathy) made the rest of the climb a lot easier.
2. We Learned How to Have a Productive Conversation
Active listening is an important skill, and we both had to embrace it to address our differences. Before, I would just nod and dismiss Brian’s financial concerns. I felt like I knew better, so I’d say, “That’s cool, but we’re doing it like this,” and then I’d take charge of our budget. As a result, he wouldn’t be 100% on board with my plan, so he’d overspend, and we’d inevitably get into a fight. We both had to learn to truly understand where the other person was coming from.
Beyond that, we also learn the mechanics of a healthy, productive conversation, despite our differences. To do this, we set a few basic ground rules:
Watch out for“basement thinking”:Basically, avoid having a conversation when you’re in a bad mood or actively worried and stressed about money.
Hold regular“money dates”: It sounds corny, I know. But we now hold regular meetings in which go over our finances and goals, and it’s been really helpful. It makes us feel in control and keeps us on the same page. We do not really incorporate any “date” elements into our meetings, but it still feels like less of a chore, because money is no longer a touchy topic. I have had a reader even suggest having money dates in public. She and her husband would hold theirs over breakfast. This keeps you on your toes to avoid bickering. For us, it also helps to avoid talking about money outside of these dates as much as possible.
Don’t get personal: When Brian and I talked about money, I had a habit of blaming him without even realizing it. For example, instead of, “we should make sure we save enough for retirement,” I would say something like, “you need to save more because you spend too much.” It might have been true, but it sounds like a lecture. I had to learn to be objective. One rule of thumb I used for staying objective was to use language that could not be argued. For example, “you are spending too much” is arguable. What istoo much, after all? On the other hand, “I am concerned about your spending” is objective. There’s no denying I am concerned, but that does not necessarily mean he is doing anything wrong.
Here’s another useful tip: stay focused on the topic at hand. PsychCentralexplains:
Sometimes discussions turn into arguments, which can then morph into a discussion about everything and the kitchen sink. To be respectful of one another and the relationship, you should try and keep the discussion (or argument) focused.......
see more here: http://www.daily2victories..com.ng/2015/09/your-daily-two-victories-how-couple.html

Brilliant

Educating

This is good, but people should know one very important thing. We always say never marry someone you are not spiritually, sexually, emotionally compatible with blah blah blah. People often forget financial compatibility. If you don't both view, spend & save money in the same way you guys will have innumerable problems. Muy importante.