Dear Nate,
It's your imaginary father Brian.
For a long time now I've had it in mind to send you a private email but hackers interrupting the mail had always been a cause for concern to me. But thank goodness that this medium is very secure.
Son, Contrary to the notion you get when you interact with people (they shine their 29 + 3 pearly whites but) they don't care about you or anyone else but themselves. Painfully but truly, people are nice to you for what others have to say about them and not because of the purpose their kind gesture serves you. They care less about the things that truly makes your life better!
Men are historic - they expect you to survive the 15 year old millennium with the exact same life jacket they used when Nigeria's power supply was still manageable.
Women are a group of humans who don't have a guide book about their understanding yet, but if you need intelligence on a particular woman, it's as easy to find as finding an aspiring music super star in Makurdi (the capital of Benue state in Nigeria)
Boys are pathetic - whatever they do is about or for a girl.
Girls are hypocritical - what they claim to despise is exactly what they crave.
I read something on the Internet about the former head of the Roman Catholic Church being In a dark association while he was here on earth but I'll spare you the details now.
That's to tell you that whatever degree of respect people show you while you're here, they'll talk about you behind your back when you're gone!
You can be sure how true this is when you decide to show this letter to a special friend if yours; if it's a man, he'll read and not say anything to you; if it's a woman, she'll read, ignore you and head on to prepare a meal for her husband; if it's a boy, he would type a long comment if you were a girl and if it's a girl, she'ld like to lie to herself that she doesn't like it but it's all she thinks about.
I wish I could go on, but the person from whom I borrowed this keyboard to type all these is standing right behind me... he wants his keyboard back and unfortunately, mine's broken.
Have a positive day friend. Hope to hear from you soon!