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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Letter To My Generation (709 Views)
Letter To My Generation by GidiQuotes: 7:56am On Oct 05, 2015 |
Dear my urborn I don't know if you would be my daughter or my son right now am in a point of no return,trying to pay attention without refund I cant promise to win, life is short I should be writing my will am writing my wrongs,they are trying to peep I will make sure mama is queen you will be a blue blood you will never work in vein you will be a blue blood you will never work in vain it's true talk your dad is insane because I choose to be different from those that are the same yours sincerely Gidi .Q |
Re: Letter To My Generation by GidiQuotes: 8:04am On Oct 05, 2015 |
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Re: Letter To My Generation by llaykorn: 12:22pm On Oct 05, 2015 |
GidiQuotes: GidiQuotes, this is a beautiful piece, really. There are a few things I'd like to say about it, though. First is: the title - to me - doesn't seem to correlate enough with the poem body. Don't you feel the same? Secondly, I'm very sure that this piece would have looked more beautiful, polished and would even be easier to read and understand if you had punctuated it. Take a look a look at the second line in the second stanza for an example. There should have a been a sign between 'life is short' and 'I should be writing my will' to signify a break. Imagine you performed this piece as spoken word: it sure would sound very awkward if you didn't observe a pause between those two phrases, so there should be a mark to signify that pause in your writing too. As much as I am not a fan of the ellipsis in poetry, I should confess that it would be the best to go in there. A hyphen or a semi colon would do the job quite well, too. Thirdly, I remember you telling me something about you being a rebel (not the exact word you used) poet. You're definitely also a modern one, so I understand perfectly why you're not plying the conventional route of starting every line with a block letter, but, I think you should try it someday; it's beautiful! Once again, you have a very beautiful piece. I have a feeling your child smiled at this. It's a just a feeling. |
Re: Letter To My Generation by GidiQuotes: 6:52pm On Oct 05, 2015 |
llaykorn: thanks boss |
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