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New Employment Rules Announced By Civil Service!!! by adioolayi(m): 11:13am On Nov 03, 2015 |
New employment rules announced by Civil Service!!!
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
MARTERNITY LEAVE
Kort Kort pregnant is banned. You must first apply to your superiors
and with their approval you'll then be allowed to do pregnancy. It
will only be allowed once in 10yrs and you only get 1 month
maternity leave. No male shall get leave related to his wife's
pregnancy, sickness or even death (he is not a midwife, a doctor nor
an undertaker).
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here,
you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything
removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed
constitutes a breach of employment.
HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-
employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through
your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided
your share of the work is done.
ABSENCE FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks' notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.
TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we
will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance:
All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to
8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to
8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will
be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.
In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-
worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in
writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper
will retract, and the door will open..
LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so
they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch
to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch
because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a
diet pill.
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a wonderful week!
HR : PS - please deduct the time spent reading this email from
ANNUAL LEAVE Ref copied from a friend's Facebook page |
Re: New Employment Rules Announced By Civil Service!!! by ozy4christ(f): 11:36am On Nov 03, 2015 |
funny |
(1) (Reply)
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