Little Boy : Mummy is God a girl or a boy?

Mummy: Why God is both girl and boy

Little Boy: Mummy is God black or white?

Mummy: Why God is both black and white

Little Boy: Mummy is God gay or straight?

Mummy: Why God is both gay and straight

Little Boy: Mummy is God Michael Jackson?

Breaking News: Chris Lewis Sentenced to 13 years in prison for drug smuggling.



His family are said to have been knocked for 6.

@post. . . uhmmmn


poor chris, he spoilt his reputation

aye lo nn se

romade:

i no dey lyk blasphemy

A little girl's prayer

Dear god
This year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer ,
Amen

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My mate is religious, however he isn't the brightest.
I told him there is no proof of god's existance.
He told me there doesn't need to be any proof.
I told him that I was god.
What does he say?
"Prove it!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There are at least SEVEN types of ORGASM of a Man:
1. The Optimist - Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes,
2. The Pessimist - Oh No, Oh No, Oh No,
3. The Confused - Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No,
4. The Traveler - Ahh, I´m coming, I´m coming,
5. The Religious - Oh god, Oh god,
6. The Userer - Ahh, More, More, More,
7. The Murderer - Ahh, If you move, I´ll kill you,

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

god asked Jesus to try lots of drugs to help him sympathise with the modern man. He asked his disciples to each find a drug and bring it to him.
Mark brought cocaine.
Matthew brought LSD.
Andrew brought heroin.
Judas brought the drug squad.

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Womens intuition is similar to god.

Neither are real but we let people believe it because it comforts them and they're too ignorant to listen anyway.

looool

40 Nigerians arrive at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter says to them; "We only have room for 12, so decide amongst yourselves who's coming in." Five minutes later St. Peter says to god, "They've gone." god says "What all 40?!" St. Peter replies, "No the bloody gates!"

lol

A prostitute goes to pay for her shopping at the tills.

"I'm awfully sorry, miss," said the shopkeeper, "but this fifty pound note is counterfeit. "

"Oh, my god," she exclaimed, "I've been raped!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


A paedophile dies and goes to heaven

when he get's to the pearly gates he meets St. Peter

St. Peter says to him, "How dare you come to the gates of heaven! You have led an awful, evil, unholy life. And you think that you'll get in to see god?

The paedophile responds with

"god? Bleep god, I'm here to see the baby Jesus."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Response to  jokes about Muslims

We Muslims do not rise to your bait.

We are a proud, noble, godly, kind, compassionate, gentle, plane hijacking, loving, friendly, bus bombing, caring, affectionate, train bombing, tolerant, graceful, woman hating, peaceful, spiritual, infidel burning, welcoming and warm people.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++==

A muslim dies after a long and peaceful life and arrives at the gates of heaven after his death. St. Peter says, "Welcome to Heaven."

The Muslim says, "Nice to meet you St. Peter, but I'm a Muslim and I want to meet Muhammad."

St. Peter says, "Climb up that ladder behind you, Muhammad will be around somewhere."

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top, where he meets Jesus. Jesus introduces himself, the Muslim replies "Jesus, its an honour to meet you. But I'm a Muslim and I really want to meet Muhammad."

Jesus says, "He's upstairs with Dad. Climb up that ladder behind you, Muhammad will be up there"

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top, where he meets god, who walks over and shakes his hand.

The Muslim says "Sir, I am privileged to meet you . But I'm a Muslim and I want to meet Muhammad."

god says "I'll just fetch him for you. Do you want something to eat or drink?"

The Muslim says, "I would love a cup of coffee."

god yells at the top of his voice, "Muhammad, two fucking coffees in here, now!"

lool buh didnt get d last one

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

nicccccccccccccccccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

nicerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

nicccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccest!

wetin u wan mak i tok now

lmao, nicerest