hi
firstly i would just like to congratulate you.
i would like to congratulate you on the lustrous social life you seem to have been living since you moved in. its seems as though you have many friends(many of whom are rather good looking), and i hope being the hub of such a large social circle provides your life with fulfillment .
i can deal with hordes of alcohol fulled guests, coming and going at all hours in the morning and night....
i can deal with intoxicated foreigners screaming "I LOVE BOND!!!"in broken English as i eat dinner with my family.....
i can handle your annoying ,and slightly western suburbs sounding voice as you seem to proclaim your love for your hordes of booze filled guests...
i can even handle the occasional stray cigarette butt that somehow finds its way floating down into my balcony. i would like to mind you that ash trays have been around since 1825 and are available to purchase from most good retail outlets. i can always point you in the direction of bondi convenience
what i cannot stand is what happen last Saturday night, between the hours of 2-3 am
let me give you a perfect play by play, as i am asleep, dreaming of playing the perfect games of golf, i near the 13th hole, when suddenly i am awoken by what i can only describe as sounding like a Rhinoceros attempting to demolish a wall, with jackhammer, whilst high on meth..... and cocaine.
this primeval grunting and banging continues to get louder ,to which i can only assume the rhinoceros has almost finish demolishing the house, OR the aptly named "NICK , OH NICK" is about to ejaculate.....
i do not know who 'NICK!'is, or how much he weights , i can only assumed it is alot due to the fact that on several occasions my bedroom slight begins to shake...
lucky for me "NICK"doesn't appear to last long, and for that i am thankful. i do not wish to pry in on your sex life,however i do ask tat before you mount nick ( or the rhino) i suggest you bolt the bed to the floor as so the rest of the beautiful residents here do not have to listen to your very loud , very short yet very annoying loving making session
i hope you don't take this letter in distaste but if so, am waiting for your corps -THANK YOU