http://penastory.com/2015/12/17/suicide-by-accident-oluwafemi-ogunde/

For some reason I miss the silence, the one I failed to acknowledge when I had it. We didn’t have to talk or say anything to each other, we simply connected in our moments of peace. Grandma said little during the journey, just hand movements on her face once in a while. Junior’s death had taken a toll on her. She barely said anything these days. She wasn’t supposed to be driving but I have not learnt much about the automobile system except that I know where to turn when I wanted it, I am also familiar with how to start and stop the car.

Everyone speaks in low hushed tones now, especially around grandma. I guess that is the best way we could mourn, mourn without breaking her. Junior’s dad tried breaking her once over the phone but Aunty collected the phone and smashed it the moment she sensed his intent. We have not picked his calls since then.

It still feels like a mystery, like something scripted that happens only in the movies; something one would watch on television. I still have vivid images of the empty pill container and shattered glass pieces on the floor. I still sometimes imagine how he did it. Did he take all hundred one after the other or maybe it was hurried in twos or perhaps threes. There had been no letter, nothing to give a clues as to why he did it. I remember hearing him cry several times, sniffing in the lowest tones possible while speaking in tongues and questioning God. He was troubled I knew but never could get him to tell why.

Suddenly I felt Bisi tapping me. I tried to shrug her away but her urgency increased and her pinch made my head jerk up in annoyance. I turned towards her intending to slap her but stopped as I saw why she was tapping me. Grandma was running traffic lights, the speed at which we were moving was easily past the limit. I began to call her softly as the doctor advised against any other means of communication.. The doctor said we needed to treat her like a fragile egg, any sudden move could jolt her. She turned to face me with her hands still on the steering and I begged her to look at the road while Bisi put on her seat belt and began praying in tongues softly. I expanded my seat belt and dived for her feet on the accelerator. The accelerator felt like the North Pole from where I was. I expanded more and the seat belt got stuck. I unbuckled myself and finally took her feet off the pedal and got control of the brakes. The car slowly cruised to a halt and I raised my head to see grandma crying. I hugged her tightly and whispered “All will be well.” For a split second I felt her hug me back but the moment was gone as she sniffed and withdrew quickly. I guess she was too embarrassed to have us see her in such a state. At least now I know where Junior got his personality from. I was just about to buckle my belt when I felt a heavy hit from the side. Slowly everything began to disobey gravity as I felt elevated and dropped simultaneously. My sight became blurry when the car came to halt all I saw was first red, then everything went blank.

http://penastory.com/2015/12/17/suicide-by-accident-oluwafemi-ogunde/